Lame-o

So we went out to the fireworks with friends this weekend and I kind of felt like a lame-o. We sat outside ALL day in the hot sun, and so I wanted to go for a walk to the shade. I REALLY needed to get some shade. They all walked to get some ice cream, and if we hadn't seen them, we wouldn't have gone with. Sign of being lame already? maybe...

Then we we got back from ice cream, they wanted to go to the fair part of it - more time in the hot sun, and I wanted to just sit in the shade for a few more minutes. So they all went and Simeon stayed with me. We created a little tent to sit under and chill a little bit. When they came back I felt like they didn't talk to us as much and were kind of put off by it.

Here's the real truth - I'm paranoid about it, I know. BUT - I really felt like all day they thought we (and poor Simeon stayed with me) were super boring. There were REASONS I didn't want to be in the sun, and there were REASONS I was so tired, but these are things they just can't know right now. Grrr.

Anyway, this post is a true frustration about my own insecurities and I wish I could just explain myself to everyone. Really what I fear is that I am really a lame-o. Perhaps I am... I guess no one will ever tell me, so I will just keep on thinking I'm alright with a side doubt of lame-wad-ness always with me.

Grr.

All Choked Up!

Do you ever just get those moments where you get all choked up? I mean, I am a woman who feels - so of course it is bound to happen. But these moments are not tears welling out of sadness or hurting. It is usually out of joy or compassion for others, or sometimes even a moment that moves you to the core that you feel like you can't even sit still.

Well, yesterday, there was a moment such as that. Our church has been studying Galations and yesterday was the final study on it, and the whole message was the cross. The cross is the most important thing and it is the ONLY way we are saved. Paul prayed that he would boast in nothing but the cross - he prayed that he wouldn't even boast in boasting about the cross alone! After those moving reminders, we had the most moving worship session. I didn't know half the songs, but it was not the melodies that move me, it was the words.

Anywho, I really just hope you all feel moved to tears this week, and are ready to get all choked up. Its healthy - trust me.

Holy Smokes!

So we have 2 kitties - whom I adore! One of them is currently backing his little hinder up to lay down on my lap. When we were looking to get a pet, we thought about a dog (both of us someday want a dog) and we thought about cats (and you almost have to have 2 cats so they have company). So last November my hubby said there was a guy at work that has free kittens! Our decision had been made! Cats are nice to take care of, and they cuddle :)

Since introducing them to our family in November we have loved every minute of having them! They are rambunctious, cuddly, friendly and sweet. How can pets give a person such a warm feeling? Its pretty awesome. So here are our kitties - as awesome as ever!!

ironic?

Maybe its ironic, maybe its just plain unfair. Picture this: two women on opposite sides of the street. One, a short, fat woman is barely breathing while running - struggling beyond belief. The other, a tall, skinny woman taking a nice leisurely walk with her ipod trying to get tan. Clearly there is some sort of imbalance. There are some women that don't have to do a thing and they are they size they are. There are other women that can't do enough to reduce their size by a centimeter!

Good thing God created different roles for us. He designed us to be fat or skinny, blonde or brunette, freckled or dimpled. I feel like maybe its His way of saying, even though you are different and some struggle, some sail through, you are ALL children of mine that I love and that I sent my son to die on the cross for. He says, I want YOU (and all your qualities - good or bad) to be with me in heaven for eternity.

It makes me, the short, fat woman feel a WHOLE lot better about things :)

Feels like home

There is something about a small town that just instantly feels like home. I drive into every evening with a smile on my face. There are people out walking, running, and riding bikes. There are people working on their houses, pulling in after a long days work, and people buying groceries at the store.

Yes, these are all things that you can see anywhere in the US, but when Reedsburg they are all together, in a small area it just means so much more. Beautiful landscapes - awesome. Coastal views - awesome. Live entertainment everywhere - awesome. People like me enjoying life in an area just because they are living - THE BEST!

I think that is what makes a small town the best... people don't need all sorts of entertaining things to fill their time. They don't need the mountains to feel like they are living life. If they are around people they love in a place the feels like a home, then they are full of life.

Go Small Towns!

Stuck!

Sometimes I feel like we are all stuck. Stuck in a place that never sees change. We all want to change, we all want to have something new and better, but we get stuck. Three situations come to mind...

First, when we are in high school and college we have this idea of what our lives will look like when we are twenty something (I don't think we ever look to our thirties because that is just "not going to happen" in our minds). We idealize what we want to have happen in our lives. We want to have a career that we've worked towards. We want to get married and have a family, we want to have a house and decorate and take care of it. We want to go on trips and travel the world. We want to have a good time in everything that we do - most of us want some sort of adventure. Then... we get stuck. We think of all these things and somewhat work towards them, but do we REALLY try as hard as we can to obtain them? Do we really go on trips? Do we have the perfect little family WHEN we want? Do we pick the career that will excite us, or by the end of college do we pick the one that we started with or feel comfortable with? I think the key is to look at each day/week/month/year and think, "Am I doing what I love and dreamed of?" In my humble opinion, if you have accomplished half of what you dreamed, then you are doing pretty good. And if you have only accomplished half, then let God lead you to the rest - life's not over yet!

We also get stuck in "glass cage of emotions!" Meaning, we feel what we feel and its hard for us to shake. Over the years, I have learned that I am a competitive person. It is strange and it sounds terrible, but I don't always want things for the right reason. I want to be the first, the best and sometimes the only one that is going through something. For instance, in teaching, if I hear a student say that they LOVE another teacher that teaches the same thing as me, then I get competitive and try to make my classroom the best. With friendships we want to have a group of friends that are fun and have a good time, and when we don't have that, we try for better. We leave the group we were with and try to make new friends that show off that we are fun and have a good time. But the truth is, the competitiveness that I feel - its jealousy. Its coveting. Its changing who we are to fit something or someone else. When this happens, feelings get sacrificed. People get hurt. Most times it is not intentional, but it happens. So my advice - check to see if your image is that of Christ's and then love who he made you to be. If that means you are competitive, then use it to become the best person God designed you to be. Use it be the best at loving everyone. Use it to be the best at forgiving and forgetting so that you can enjoy every moment.

Finally, I think we get stuck as to what to do next. Do we move forward and let go? Do we take a nap instead of doing paperwork? Do we purchase that item or should we continue to save? Do we change what our life path is to be something radically different? The crazy thing is that there is not a single answer that fits. The key is prayer. If you pray about things and then feel like that is still the way to go - then go. If you pray about it and something is still not right, then wait. If you know that you are a lazy procrastinator, then do paperwork despite the desire to avoid it. Be in prayer so that you feel like you know what your life is and where it is going, and what you are doing is in check. With that, what could go wrong?

The intent of this blog originally started out as a frustration with another person in how they act. But through writing this, I am realizing that what I have - in Christ - my life, my family, my husband, my job, my emotions, my happiness, are what I have. Not what this other person has. I know that my life in Christ is going down the right path. That is all I need. I am not stuck. I am free in the Spirit and where it leads me. So get unstuck today! I don't think anyone reads this, but just try it! Get unstuck in something you feel is holding you back.

There is my fifteen cents worth (it was a little more than just two!)... Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

It has been SO long, but I wanted to wish everyone a VERY Merry Christmas!

Living on the Edge!

Oh Steven Tyler... I sometimes wonder why artists write the things they do. What made Aerosmith write a song about there being something wrong with the world today, and therefore we are living on the edge. This is what my song about "living on the edge" would be about:

School is about to start. I have to return next Monday. My summer is staring me right in the face - what did you accomplish? Well, thanks to my mom, I can say that I got some craft projects done!! I also did some work for school (granted it was within the last three days). My edge is that there is three days of summer left, and what will I do with the time? Will I be ready for school and students? Will I be the most tired I've been in a long time? (In the best Steven Tyler scream I can muster...) Living on the edge!

Tomorrow is our triathlon. My first triathlon ever, and I'm feeling nerves that I thought would at least hold out until tonight when I won't be able to sleep. I think I'm just excited to see if all my hard work this summer will pay off and help me to finish in less than 2 hours. When I train for things like this, I try to set a goal so that I can have a focus and keep up the work. However, now that it is less than 24 hours away (hence the edge), I am afraid that I will fall short. Will I make it? Living on the edge!

We are going to have a house in a week, and I need to start packing. I am so excited to have our own place! God really has blessed us this year with our jobs and our situation. I almost feel like we don't deserve to have our own place! We are just two young kids trying to be adults... what is that? Packing also makes the reality sink in a little more - we are going to be homeowners and we better get moving, literally! Living on the edge!

Those three items put me on the edge - the edge of my comfort zone. What defines the edge? Why do I feel anxious about these wonderful things? God tells us, "Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6

This is what I will do - no more living on the edge!

Its one of those things...

Summer always passes by too fast! Its one of those things. First you're excited to get all of those things done that you thought of in the spring. Craft projects, cleaning, exercising, etc. And then, all of a sudden its the middle of August and you're fretting about getting anything done with the time you have left!

I am so blessed to have summer vacation and I wouldn't trade it for anything. However, I have to admit that I like the structure of the school year because for some reason, I actually get things done. I wake up early to exercise. I plan time during the evenings and weekends to do get all the cleaning done. I set aside Saturdays to do craft projects. Oh well. I'm rested and ready to become anxious every night about school again.

On a side note, we are buying a house. Its one of those things too that people would like to do and feel like its the next step. Well, it is our next step in the line of life. God really opened the door to a house in Reedsburg and we are excited to fix it up! Key words are fix it up. It needs a lot of work, but we are excited to tackle it. I don't like to watch HGTV for nothing!

Impossible!

Impossible! For a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage, Impossible! Cinderella was thinking the same thing as I am - why do things seem so impossible sometimes? Finding a job you love, getting a house, finding friends that are cool... I could go on. Sometimes it seems the only way to have something happen is to make that leap of fatih and try something. Its scary, but it then becomes... Possible.

School is out, time is plentiful and summer vacation is amazing. Hope you all make your impossibles, ...possibles!

Go ahead and ruin it!

Students were working today, things were going smoothly, and what happens eighth hour? A student tries to rearrange an equation to make it more simple, but has a mistake. So i kindly say, "Good thought, however, it is not possible to rearrange it this way because..." and then I go on about why it is not possible. So I show them and then they say "WELL... in physics we did this and we learned how to do this, and we know all this, and blah... blah... blah..." So i say, "I understand that idea and in physics if you can simplify that way, great. However, you can't do it this way because..." and then I go into another reason about why you can't. They just look at each other with smug grins and wait until I am finished. The bell rings and they pack up and say as I'm walking away, "Okay, whatever, I wasn't even listening so I didn't get any of that."

Okay? Whatever? Yeah, you're right, your knowledge of math and the two years that you have actually studied it are more knowledgable than my degree and my abilities. Yeah, you're right that I'm wasting my time helping you when I could have been helping other students that actually want to listen and do care. Yeah, you're right you're getting a C- because you don't hand in the homework. Yeah, you're right your attitude is the worst I've seen in one human being. So go ahead, ruin my day with your smug grins and lazy attitude.

God has blessed me with the knowledge of math and the patience to persist in times of difficulty. So try to ruin my day - because you can't.

Faced!

I got faced by the wind this morning! Literally! Unknowingly, I ran this morning in the chilly -1 degree weather. That wouldn't even have been so bad if there wasn't the wind! With wind chills it was -25 degrees. YIKES! Sometimes I'm not motivated to run, I wish that was the case today. However, I trekked it out and enjoyed the thrill!

In other news, school is going well, and I can't wait for Christmas break in a week! WOO HOO! I mean, I love those fun high schoolers, but I'm ready for a break! What would you do with a break? I'm curious, let me know...

Frightful!

Halloween is frightful, but that's not what I'm talking about now...

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but our apartment is so delightful. And since we've not place to go.... let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!!!

Yes, it was snowing out today. It was pretty. It made me think of hot chocolate, christmas music, the smell of a warm pie in the oven. It was wonderful. Now don't get me wrong here. I love fall, and I don't want it to snow any time soon. But it was so beautiful out today... I just couldn't believe it!

So where ever you are... think of snow and hot chocolate, warm pie, and all your cares will just melt away ;)

Chopped!

So I chopped my hair off today. So many women after they get married cut their hair nice and short. They are sick of it being long for their wedding day, so they cut it. I am not doing to for that reason. I need a change, a new start to the school year. What do I think of it? Well, I'm not typically a fan of short hair, but it feels pretty good.

Why does a haircut make you feel new? Who knows, but it does. You feel like people are looking at you from all directions... "Did she just-?" "What was she thinking!" "Who does she think she is to pull off a haircut like that?" Things like that running through my mind. I shouldn't worry about such things, but I do. It grows back, and soon enough mine will too. BUt for now, I am enjoying feeling like a new person! I feel ten pounds lighter and five months younger! Ha.

Tripped

Sometimes my tongue gets tripped up. Sometimes I can get tripped up on a math problem. All manageable things. However, the other day while I was running, I tripped - I fell right in front of an old lady vacuuming her car. She didn't even look up to see if I was okay. I felt like a complete idiot!

I think we all need to trip every once and a while. It humbles us, brings us back to where we started from, and wakes us up all in the same moment! The day progressed into more thinking and really examining what the heck I was doing.

So even though my leg oozes, and I have a permanent band-aid mark, I'm glad I tripped... in a weird sort of way!

Whoop Whoop!

I have ONE week left of school... WHOOP WHOOP!!!!!

So Cute!

I know, we're adorable together. This is what we look like these days for those of you wondering out there!

Sitting

When I was in swimming, we had a "bull-pen" where we would wait for our next race to begin. We would mentally prepare, focus on the task at hand, and check out the competition too. All I remember from this was the overwhelming nervous feeling that overcame me. I'd be sitting there with butterflies, birds, airplanes, jets, you name it... stewing inside.

Right now - I feel like I'm back in the bull-pen. Sitting. Waiting. Getting nervous. Wishing it was time so I can just do what I know best. The wedding is three and half weeks away. I can't wait!!! However, finishing school, finding a job, moving to a new town. Its overwhelming and I'm stuck in the bull-pen. Sitting.

Skinned Knees

I miss the days of skinned knees and grass stains. You know why? You were most likely a kid when that happened. You were ten years old, playing in your back yard as happy as can be that a slug had washed up in the little water trail in your yard. Those days were easier. They were care free and fun. Some days I wish I was back in my back yard looking at slugs.

Getting Away

I'm sitting in a hotel room, by myself, watching the snow fall over the Mississippi River. I am away. Simeon has a job interview tomorrow for John Deere in Moline, IL. I, like a good future wife, am supporting my future husband by calming his nerves and encouraging him during this stressful time. I know he will do great tomorrow - most likely get a job.

However, tonight I want to write about getting away. I love hotels. I come and sit and all the possible seats to decide where the best one is. I look at all the hotel offers: three year old instant coffee, a laundry bag, a notepad, stinky-gross shampoo and conditioner, and a lot more. Why are these things so amazing and luxury to my eyes? Well, they are not mine. They are out of my zone and world far enough for me to feel away. Sometimes in the midst of crazy life and on-the-go moves, you need to escape.

I like to look upon the neighboring buildings and think about where my life is away from where I'm at. Student teaching, planning a wedding, working at a job, trying to stay healthy, driving, and more driving. It is a wonderful life. I'm more than in love with Simeon, I love being at home with my family, I'm almost done with something I've invested 5 years of my life to. I'm about ready to start a new life with the love of my life, and only God knows where. What could be better?

Sometimes we need a different perspective to realize that to get to the good stuff, we've got to face the rain. That's another reason why I'm getting away.

I do!

I DO want it to be June. I DO wish that I would be graduated and teaching. I DO wish that Simeon had a job that he absolutely loved. I DO wish that I lived closer to both my brother and sister. I DO wish Meredith lived here so I could see her again. I DO wish that it was warmer outside. I DO love snow days. I DO wish that I wasn't as pale as an egg white. I DO wish that working out wasn't so hard. I DO wish things like wedding cakes and honeymoons grew on trees so I wouldn't have to spend so much money. I DO wish that the political ads would leave everyone alone. I DO wish that people would go out to vote. I DO wish that I wouldn't get so nervous about things. I DO know that God has a plan for our lives. I DO believe that God made me the way I am. I DO know that God loves me. I DO love God. I DO love Simeon. I wish I could say the real I DO in June. But alas. It is about three and a half months away! What do YOU DO?

Bah Again

I'm sick...again. I hope it goes away for student teaching next week!!

How is everyone out there??

Bah

I'm sick.

Welcome Winter!

Welcome back to Wisconsin winter!!

Tis the season for giving

I would say I have a giving personality. I like to give to others, not to please myself, but truly help those around me. Lately though, some of the people I like to give to, take and take, and then criticize the gift. It is HARD! I try very diligently to continue to give with a smile and a positive attitude. How can I be more like the Lord? He has no qualms about giving everything to us when we criticize and do not deserve it. How can I have that same attitude? How much (not so positive) feedback can one person take? Perhaps I am to keep to myself and give gifts that don't have a repercussion or need to be done by the individual. There are many things I can learn...I just want to feel needed.

Well, I'm all over the place with this one... Merry Christmas and I really think it is the season for giving, no matter what!

Is it the Seasons?

I'm inside, curled up underneath a blanket, sipping hot chocolate and reading my email. Today it is supposed to snow 4-6 inches. The wind is blowing and I can hear it hit the house. I love winter. I love that you can see your breath and that when you were little you would try and try to make a ring with it. I love that you can have a snowball fight and run around for hours just trying to stay warm. I even love the stupid ice that is on the road making it hard to drive, it makes me leave early and actually get somewhere on time.

I also love the summer. Sipping iced tea on our porch swing listening to the cicadas sing back and forth to each other. I love the clouds that come rolling in and cool things off in the evening. I love hot days where you sweat walking to get the mail, it just feels right that it is summer. I love just reading a good book on a chair outside basking in the sun trying to bring my freckles to life.

Spring is beautiful. Flowers in bloom. The smell of freshly cut grass. The fact that evenings get later and later. The energy you have to spend the day running or just being outside. I love the feeling I get the first day after classes are over. Relief.

Autumn may be my favorite. The colors and the weather are astonishing. One minute it will be 60 degrees and the next will be 40. Vests are acceptable and used :) Love is blossoming with people at school meeting each other for the first time, or the first time in a long time. Football games and caramel apples. Mmmmm...

When I think about all of this and why I love the seasons so much it is unclear. Do I love the seasons themselves, or do I love the carefree moments during the seasons? As I am looking to graduate in may, I'm starting to picture the rest of my days...working and stressing over work. Is this really what a year is all about? Waiting for time off and hoping to enjoy some of these timeless moments from seasons past? I'm not that terrified, but listening to friends and family talk about how Friday cannot come soon enough scares me a little. Will I enjoy my job? Will I get a job?

Seasons are wonderful. 'Weather' or not I will see them as i do now, I can only hope.

Prime!

23 is a prime number. You know what that means? I'm in my primes! Oh if only I had a permanent drum set sound after all my jokes.

Seriously though, now that I'm twenty-three...It is going to be one of my prime years! Pun intended. Oh man, I'm such a math geek...

What woman in her primes DOESN'T look like this??

Blessings in Disguise

When I was a freshman in high school I entered the publications class at my high school. Pub, for short, was the group of students who put together the newspaper and yearbook. Brandon and Katy were in it, so I of course had to be in it. Rumors spread of how hard and mean Mrs. Jonas was. And...when I started I was sure I knew where those rumors had stemmed from.

As the year progressed I began to like Mrs. Jonas. What about this rough and tough woman was appealing no appalling? It hit me years later - She is a GOOD teacher. Not just a good teacher, but she was REALLY GOOD. When it came time to decided whether we went to the newspaper or the yearbook, I wanted desperately to be on the newspaper staff! Please oh please let me work with Brandon and the other smarties on the newspaper! As fate would have it, and Mrs. Jonas would have it, I was put on the yearbook staff!!

What a blessing in disguise. Mrs. Jonas knew me and what area I would best excel in. As a junior I was editor-in-chief, and as well as my senior year. I worked well with the people on my staff and had a lot of fun. Did I know it was going to be the right fit? Nah, but Mrs. Jonas did!

What made me think of it all these years later? I ran into Mrs. Jonas today. She asked me how Katy and Brandon were, asked what was new with my life. She was genuinely happy for me. It made me smile from ear to ear! That is what a good teacher is. That is what I want to be...

Excited!!

I got some decorations for my wedding this last weekend! I'm wicked excited. Yes, Meredith, you will have to hear about them!! You'll love it! Well, I hope you will!

In related news...I solved the Rubik's Cube. SEVERAL times might I add! Stupid cube... it has taken over my thoughts and time for the last two months!!! I'm writing this paper on the mathematics behind the cube and it isn't terribly difficult, but it is about 13 pages and counting of Rubik's Cube information. Yikes! Well with me luck because it is due on Tuesday and I've worked all semester on it!

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, that's all I can say!

Help!

Help! I need somebody. Help! Not just anybody. Help! You know I need someone....Help!

School is stressful! Its just not cool right now :)

Anyone agree??

Absurd!

Sometimes I feel like school is absurd. I work hard at the work I do to get grade that reflect my dedication. Does it happen? No. So why do i do it? Well, i tend to blame others for the misfortune that i am dealing with - math. Those engineers have hundreds of other engineering students to run ideas off of - can't be that hard! The art students...all they do is draw all day! History majors - sheesh! Why, they don't even study and they ace exams!

I chose math. I LIKE(d) math. This is my choice and i will have to live with the consequences. Am I absurd? Yes. Am I okay with that? Ask me in two weeks :)

Goodbye

I will miss you.

Fifty Nifty...

Yes, there are fifty nifty united states, but now there are fifty nifty candles on the cake for one special lady!! Dad, Simeon and I helped celebrate!

Constant Camera

I was thinking today about how in my middle level education classes we talk about how middle schoolers always feel like they have a constant camera on them. Wouldn't it be awesome if they made you're life into a movie? I mean, you could be in movie all the time! Have you ever thought about having your life be a movie? I have.

My life isn't all that interesting, but i wonder what it would look like in movie form. When I'm walking to class i would have a jack johnson song playing, and when i'm with Simeon, there would be a al green song playing.

Or what would a movie that filmed feet all day long be like? Do you think it would be interesting?

Random thoughts for no one...

Young Grasshoppa

I'm in my last year of college and there is so much to learn. In looking towards my future I see many things i don't feel prepared for. In nearly nine months i will be a wife. I don't know how to be a wife - i mean i have ideas from my mom and aunts, but nothing like the real deal! Will i be able to attend to Simeon's needs? Will i be able to keep a house? Will i be able to give up parts of my single lifestyle?

I'm going to be a math teacher. yeah, that was the goal years ago when i started school, but now its a reality. Will students understand me? Will i understand students? Will i be able to reach the unreachable? or the reachable? Will i be a good co-worker? Will i know my stuff?

Those are the thoughts on my mind as of late...they'll get answered eventually. Until then, i'll sit and wonder how God will work it all out.

Hard at work

I'm at work right now. As you can read...its a busy day here at badger brothers cafe!

Good Moods

I was in a good mood yesterday! You know those days when you're funny and happy and want to share it with everyone? Well, yesterday was one of those days. Even though i feel like this:



I'm still having a good day!! Perhaps its because i talked to my good friend Meredith...she's a cool kinda lady! Not to mention i'm getting married in less than 10 months, how cool is that??

Its True!

I'm engaged!

I get to spend the rest of my life with the man i love! How awesome is that??

I'm the happiest lady in the world!

pennies for thoughts and ponds

Perhaps i'm wasteful.

I love to know what people are thinking. To uncover the real happenings beneath the lives of those close to me. What was she thinking?! Will he ever grow up?! If anyone decided to disect me from head to toe to uncover what i was feeling about things, i'd be mad! Unfortunatly i try to do it with those close to me. If i did give my pennies to others for their thoughts, i'd be poor. And its about time for me to be rich in someone who knows my thoughts and everyone elses, but loves everyone the same.

Also, i'm finding myself wishing time away. Throwing my pennies in the pond to get somewhere fast. Where do i need to get though? Life is wonderful and i don't want to wish any day away even if it means that i won't necessarily be with Simeon or any others that i love. i need to start saving my pennies and counting on life being amazing with no wishes necessary. Time will come and go sooner than later and i want to enjoy my moments.

There you go, no pennies for my thoughts, its free today...

Summer Vacation!!!!!

Summer Vacation = Work, School, Work and Simeon when i can get him!

This is what it looks like:

This Face

This face is the only thing that gets me through long semesters like this!

Drowning...

So if you've ever thought of life as a big swimming pool, raise your hand.

(raising my hand).

If you've ever felt like you're drowning in this big pool of life, raise your hand.

(raising my hand).

I dislike finals time in ever sense of the word "dislike".

Things that Make Me Nervous (Part II)

So I saw a woman running like the wind into a building the other day. Then about 5 minutes later I saw two men running into a building as fast as they can.

Why are they running? Should I be running too? Should I be running the opposite direction?

It made me nervous...

Things That Make Me Nervous (Part I)

Wouldn't it be weird if you walked up to a girl you thought was named Lacey and thought you went to high school with her and then say, "Hey Lacey, how have you been?" Only to get the reply, "My name isn't Lacey, its Mitch!"

I just think that would be so weird, and i'm pretty sure it almost happened to me.

Ha

So funny thing happened today at the ol' UW-Plzzatteville. Power went out. Perhaps power outages = 20 years olds reverting back to a life of adolescence. "FOOD FIGHT!" "Maybe I get outta class!" Were among my favorites of things yelled...but do you know the favoritist? I bet you can guess...what would happen when any lights went out as a 13-yr-old? You guessed it:

"OoooOOOoOOOooo"

As if someone would start making out on the spot due to the lack of luminescence. Pfff.

Avoiding...

I'm supposed to take a test tonight, and I'm avoiding studying. Is that bad? But in my defense, advanced Calculus is the worst class every thought up. Who wants to be the smartest person in the world anyway?

Hurumph.

Crisp!

So i've decided that i think it should be fall all year round. Its wonderful! It is by far the prettiest season of the four and it has the crisp feeling :)

Fall is all about the change. It is no longer warm and sunny all the time. If its sunny, there's usually a storm on the way. If its warm, there's always a cool breeze. But its okay. Changes are okay, and i think they should be a regular part of life. Fall seems like a time of reflect and look at what life has been like for the last 3-4 months. What in life has changed? what have changed within ourselves?

We're studying James in small group, and i think the majority of what he calls us to do is evaluate our life and motives in order to realign with God's. That's why it should be fall all year long. Continually looking to what is changing and seeing what can be realigned with God.

Huh....

An Oldie but a Goodie

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little old… I’m not old. I’m a ripe age of twenty-one, but in the context of school and all that comes with it, I’m old. This is the start of my fourth year of college. Wow. It seems crazy to say, but it’s the truth!

When I was a freshman, I made the analogy of being thrown into a big pool and being told to just breathe and stay afloat. Well, I’ve passed the pool stage, and in a year, I’ll be thrown into the ocean… A much bigger and harder place to “just breathe.” It’s deeper, less protected, and much, much harder to stay afloat.

Granted, that’s in a few years, but something that is happening to me now, is the feeling of being disconnected. The new freshmen have come to school, they are everywhere, but I increasingly feel like I’m disconnected from the entire campus. I’m off it more, I’m in classes with only five people, I have a love of my life who I want to spend all my spare time with, and I’m old.

I was talking to one of my friends dad and he said that even though we’re moving on and leaving all the freedom and joys that we had before, we encounter new challenges and fun times – having home projects, creating a budget, buying substantial items because we have a salary, etc. I don’t know if those are joys, but they are something to look forward to!

Its just weird to be facing that point in my life – when I was twelve that was the thing I wanted to most was to be dating a man who I love, about to get a job, and be on my own. Now that its here, I can’t seem to run away from a job and being on my own fast enough! The boy part is great, don’t get me wrong, but the rest can stay away.

At least I’m not as old as my brother ☺

Umbrellas, Who Knew?

It’s raining today. Rainy days and me have a love-hate relationship. I love them because it means a good solid day to stay inside and read and watch movies without feeling bad because you’re sitting inside. I hate them because it means no work and no money during the summer, not to mention they are kind of gloomy.

Recently, however, I have found a new appreciation for rainy days. Umbrellas. Are we talking about those crazy things with wire and cloth? That’s it! I really like umbrellas! Today, I came across a revelation though – why do I like them so much? It is because, they have a symbolic meaning. Let’s think about this, shall we?

Rain is usually no fun. Its wet, it makes you cold, and its constant. Nobody wants to be in the rain. Sin is no fun. Its bad for you, its appalling to God, and its constant as well. Nobody wants to be living in sin. Can you see the similarity? So…let’s say sin is the rain…

The Umbrella protects us from the rain. Its sole purpose is to keep us out of the rain. God is there to keep us away from sin. He protects us from evil desires and from getting hurt. In Psalms it says, “For he has delivered me from all my troubles and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.” Then to ensure full protection from a life of condemnation, he sent his son. Umbrellas don’t have sons, but there are such things as ponchos and rain boots.

Granted God can’t stop us from sinning, and we will even in his grace, but he wants us to learn too. He teaches us through specific instances and gives us lessons to learn from. Umbrellas can’t fully protect you from the rain. They are there as a covering. But who’s to say if you don’t have those rain boots, your feet won’t get wet? We learn. The next time we bring rain boots. Then who’s to say our arms won’t get wet with the wind and rain? We learn. The next time we bring our poncho. God wants us to see the world, but not be living for the world; so we can hear the rain, feel the cool air of rain and see the rain, but the Umbrella is there to keep us dry and warm.

Some people do like to play in the rain, but what does that usually end up in? Pneumonia and typhoid fever (it does, trust me). So even if we play in sin and dabble in it, it is not good for us and usually results in something much worse, such as sickness.

So as you can see, Umbrellas are amazing! I love being protected, yet being able to see and feel and be aware of what can come at me. Next time you see its raining, make sure to take your umbrella with you.

Circa 1987?

It wasn’t just yesterday that “Walk Like an Egyptian” was playing on the radio. It wasn’t just yesterday that scrunccies and leg warmers were in high fashion. So why have I been seeing them lately? Have things from the eighties become popular again? And if so, WHY?

I will stand firm in the statement that only two or three things that actually came from the eighties was worth while: Yours truly and your’s only (Simeon). Granted DIVO and electric synthesizers are pretty stellar, but think about the other things: big hair, sad and cheesy ballads, shoulder pads, side pony-tails, etc!

Granted, I am not a fashion expert. I will be the first to admit that I wear more layers than most people can ever fathom, which is unfortunate for some. However, I don’t think that hair was meant to poofy and I don’t think pony-tail were meant to be worn to the side. I don’t think neon colors are safe for the eyes and I don’t think any guy should ever wear a cut-off shirt or tank top. These are just things that I can’t justify as cool and I don’t think ever will be!

But what makes something fashionable and other things not? Like why were the eighties so awful? Well, I think the use of everything synthetic kind of hurt that one, but I don’t have the answer to that. I think the only thing needed to remember was that, these things weren’t just yesterday, they were clearly TWENTY years ago…its time to move on ☺

Pulling an Abraham

I was thinking the other day, you know how when you do something stupid or out of the norm, you say, “pulling a Brandon” [or insert name here] to be like someone who has done something in the past. Well, I was thinking that I’d want to “pull and Abraham.”

In Genesis we read about Abraham and his coming faith. He is chosen by God to undergo trials and tribulations, but also to learn who God is upfront and personal. God tests him by not giving him children until he’s like 90 years old. Then he God goes ahead and asks him to sacrifice this child that he’s waited so many years for by going up to a mountain and killing him. What does Abraham do? Grabs a knife and gets going.

Um, cello? Who in their right mind would do this? This is something that he’s waited a lifetime for, just because God promised him nations and blessings for doing his will, would you kill your own son? Well, we have to realize back then, Christianity is new, this idea of a “religion” and a God who is just and at the same time loving is kind of a new thing. Not to mention, we didn’t have a Jesus back then to make it real to us, we hadn’t seen God in man yet. So its even more of a big deal that Abe was like, well, gotta do what I gotta do.

So what I’m saying is that, I would love to have that sort of giving and sacrifice in my life. Granted, I don’t have a child and I’m not a ninety year old man, but I want to give to God those most important things, even if means I’m letting go of everything that I’m comfortable with. I was talking with someone the other day and they had an idea of what they wanted in life, where they wanted to live, a time frame of when they’d like to be married and have kids. But here’s the thing, they weren’t willing to give that up! They weren’t willing to make sacrifices in their life in order to show their faith to God.

And that’s just it, when we do actually make these sacrifices, we are demonstrating our faith in the Lord that he will provide and that he loves us. When Abraham did this, it was credited to him as righteousness. God is the only one and thing that can give us righteousness, and to have it credited to Abe, means God’s saying, I know Abraham is faithful and that he loves me, so I’m going to make him the father of nations and bless him abundantly.

Can you imagine if we do these little things of giving up our schedules or the things that hinder us, the fun that isn’t good for us, the things that we like to do, but know that it hurts other people – what if we gave that up? Adding up all those little things, is our way of showing our faithfulness to God and how he can see, God, we’re with you! By giving up these things, it hardly hurts us, instead, we gain from it! How amazing is that?

So I think we should all try to “pull and Abraham,” and give up something that we aren’t willing to yet.

Screwdrivers and Orange

So I was thinking today, when did we grow up? When did we take the turn from being a young kid who hardly knew what anything meant and didn't mind, to knowing everything there is to know about things that you thought you wanted to know? I'm not saying I know everything there is to know about everything, but i know things now that when I was 12, I was oblivious to.

If I asked an adult, how do you make a screwdriver? Most would reply, "You take vodka and orange juice and mix them up." If I asked anyone under the age of, oh let's say 15, how do you make a screwdriver, they would reply, "I dunno, maybe with some kind of metal and a plastic handle?" I’d be in the latter category of thinking of a tool, not a drink. Does that make me too naïve? I don’t think so, but maybe some others think of me that way. Maybe I haven’t escalated past the kid stage….maybe I haven’t even grown up!

I was at the pool the other day when this little boy was talking about going to the races. He asked, “when do you think you’d have to go to the races? I think they start in the morning and go through when its orange and then into the night too.” When it’s orange? I think that means at sunset or dusk too. But isn’t that great? He didn’t even know what that time was called – but he knew enough to make him happy and content.

So my question is: Which is better? Being in the Quiet or in the Loud? Maybe that’s just the key – know enough to make you content, but not too content that you don’t want to learn more. Kids are always learning, they’re growth curve of knowledge is astounding! Adults know a lot, and they’re growth curve isn’t too steep – it actually kind of levels off.

I guess when it all comes down to it, you’re supposed to have a childlike faith about things, and I think I might take it a little further, but I’m happy, and I’m glad that even the little things still make me happy by just discovering and not knowing – if it makes me naïve, then I guess that’s where I’ll be…sitting in the orange playing with metal and plastic ☺

Mom and Dad...they look so happy together :)

This is Simeon...and me of course!

This is Brandon and Lindsey...they are tall, but cute together!

Me and Simeon again, at one of our many weddings we went to this summer!

This is katy and chad...they're having a baby! If you cross your eyes, you can maybe see what Ella will look like...she's going to be a BABE!

Summer Vacation!

So hey there Ladies and Gents! Its summer vacation, and do you know what that means?? Long days at the pool, short days at the coffee shop, shorter mornings in class, fun nights with my Jaime, and long amazing weekends with Simeon and family :) What could be better you ask?? Well, if Meredith was here, that would be pretty cool, and if Simeon was here for good that would be AMAZING, but other than that...i'm sitting pretty! Feel free to stop by and visit. Oh, and i think that you should all send me your addresses so i can send you some snail mail! Hooray for snail mail :) Anyway, enjoy your summer vacation!!

Gangsta's Paradise = P-Vegas

Yes, you heard it right folks...Coolio is in da house!!!! Coming to a nearest bar to you...also known as Rooster's in Platteville. Here, let's say it together kids: LAME! Hooray!

i think platteville is trying to be something its not. As most people do, but a town, really? I mean first its a Christmas parade, then a super Walmart, then Coolio? When is this town going to learn its small and Coolio isn't cool-io?

I think a lot of people do that too. try to be something they are not to get aattentio and feel better about themselves. Or they try to make their siutation seem ten times better than someone elses because they are jealous of what they don't have. When maybe they aren't supposed to have that in the first place?

All i can say is...i will be LEAVING platteville the day Coolio comes to town...and i'm OKAY with that.

I'm a gonna be a utard!

Hey Ya'll! So i'm off to Utah in a day and i'm more excited than you know! i get to hang with my best friends and do all sorts of stuff that i've never done before! I get to ride on a plane for the second time in my life! Its going to be quite amazing :) Now, i know most people's concerns are this:

-You're entering the land of the holy people (mormon area)
-You're going to miss work for a week
-You're going to break your back snowboarding
-You're going to make us jealous

All very valid concerns, but i'll reassure you - I'm strong in my faith in God and my walk as a Christian that it should be fun to experience what makes utah so holy without a faith based on the bible alone. As for work, i'm working more hours in two days than most people this week, so that's cool, and helpful. If i break my back snowboarding, then at least i can say that i did it, and i expereinced it! As for all your jealous folks...ha, darn right! Suckers!

Wish me luck and bon voyage!

Escaping the unescapable!

I need to get out. Get out of Platteville. Away from everyone that I know here. I'm surrounded by everyone and everything, but all i want to do is be as far away from here as i possibly can. Some of you are away and long to be back, but i'm opposite. Get me out of here and fast!

Its a Girl!!

This just in...i'm going to be an aunt to a beautiful baby girl! How do i know she will be beautiful? She is a creation of God, Katy and Chad...what could be any more beautiful?! Anyway, i'm way excited and can't wait to see them all again!!

Single's Awareness Day

I was talking with my friend Collette tonight about how Valentine's Day just isn't a happy day. Yes, its all about the love and the companionship. But i have some qualms about the day. Its not a particularly good day for anyone, in a relationship or not.

Obviously if you are not in a relationship it is a whole day devoted to pointed out the fact that you don't have that special someone in your life. That you are in fact, not dating. i'm not so sure this is a problem for most people, but i'd like to meet someone who is single who hasn't thought about the fact that its a day devoted to love.

If you are in a relationship, its not a particularly great holiday for you either. In some cases, you are apart from your loved one(*ahem*). Then you can't even celebrate the wonderful day together. In other cases, it is way too expensive to do anything on that day because businesses and consumers have jacked up the prices and the amount willing to be paid. So for college students, its just becomes too much. For people who actually do something, its become more about the day than about the reasons behind it. Why do you spend so much for one night of love showing? Show it all the time!

i do appreciate the day and the idea behind it, but i wish that we would think about love all year round. How God loves us, how we love our friends, how we love our family. These things are all the time. So this Valentine's Day, i'd invite you to just remind those you love that you do, and thank God for his love - the greatest love in the world. Then do it the next day, and the next day after that...

Yeah...its true

Here's my life story!

http://www.nataliedee.com/011606/nerds.jpg

Men and their thoughts...pfff!

I’ve read my share of dating advice columns and books, and the two things that stand out the most are the fact that men don’t want an available girl and they don’t want the relationship defined. These two things confuse the heck out of me. Let’s maybe dig into these and see what is going on…

First of all, Men don’t want a girl who is available. Let’s think about this for a second…if they aren’t available, how are they ever going to get the girl? Do they want a girl that already has a guy? If that’s the case I’m pretty sure it says in the man handbook that that is against all rules of man. So that’s not right. So maybe it means that they don’t want a girl that calls or can always do something? And well see, that doesn’t make sense either because if they really wanted the girl, then wouldn’t they want to see her and spend time with her? So maybe it means they don’t want a girl who needs them or wants to be with them. No, no, that doesn’t work either because what’s the point of wanted something that doesn’t want you back? Nope, still confusing…

Second, what do they mean they don’t want to define the relationship? Do they just want to be friends with benefits because that is not a good situation because then you can get caught up in physical things that lead to heartache and the Clapp. Do they just want to let the girl hang there while they figure stuff out? That’s way unfair to the girl because she deserves someone that wants her and needs her back. Do they want a relationship with no expectations or boundaries? Because that doesn’t work either because then its not really a real relationship.

I guess maybe what they mean by these things is that they don’t want a whining and needy girl and they don’t want to be reminded all the time about what their relationship is because it ruins the fun of the relationship and you spend more of your time talking about what your deal is rather than just being with each other. And it is about the chase and what you can “get.”

Well, if this is the case, guys, let me fill you in on something. Women don’t do these things. And if they do, maybe they aren’t the woman for you. We don’t want a needy and whiny guy. We don’t want to constantly be talking about what relationships really mean. Perhaps with our girlfriends, but not to you. So whoever is writing these self-help dating books and articles, I’ll let you in on a little secret – free of charge! When you find someone that is interested in you and you’re interested back. Take if for what its worth and have fun seeing why God has placed this person in your life. If it comes to the point of talking about what you are – talk about it and get it ALL out in the open. Then when you have questions later, they might have been answered already, or, you’ll already feel free to talk about it. As for the chase…it is nice to have a chase, but only when you know where they other’s heart is at. Granted I’m not relationship expert, but that’s just a little tip from me to you!

Pirate who doesn't do anything!

I am currently the pirate who doesn't do anything. I am a procrastinator to the core and need help! Seriously, do you think procrastination is a disease? How do we learn the procrastination is okay? We've always been told in school that if you procrastinate, you will never get anywhere in life. Well, i'm here, and i've procrastinated my way to the top.

I was thinking too, i could never be homeschooled! Oh man, could you imagine...further your education on your own...and not really given any constraints as to how to do it. Yeah, maybe that's why people who are homeschooled at some point in their life are so laid back. They have no worries in the world because they never had to worry about dealines or anything like that. Do you think most of the homeschoolers are procrastinators?

Maybe because they have no time limits...they don't procrastinate because it really is their future in THEIR hands. So much to think about, and yet, i don't care...i'll think about it later.

Love Connection

Peanut butter and jelly. Eggs and bacon. April showers and May flowers. Eric Clapton and his guitar. Brandon and Minnesota. All things that go together, yet were apart at some point.

Lately I’ve been wondering why certain things are brought together in this world – why God places things together. I guess it just makes me wonder. What if God decided to place peanut butter and beef stew together? I’m pretty sure people would be sick if this was a popular pair. Or what if He decided to place Brandon and Iowa together? Then we’d all have far less respect for him now than we ever had. But that’s just it, he didn’t place these things together. He has created these pairs for a specific purpose.

Although I’d love to know why these things are together, I don’t think it is our job to understand God’s thinking. I do however, think it is our job to notice God’s work in our lives – to not question it, but respect and obey His will in our lives.

I thank God that he didn’t put beef and peanut butter together. I thank him that he didn’t place Brandon in Iowa (who wants a relative from Iowa anyway?). I thank Him that he put my friends in my life. But mostly, I just thank Him for this life, for His love, for his will in my life.

Auld Lang...

The name January comes from the Roman god of beginnings, of past and future, Janus; he is depicted as having two faces looking in opposite directions. I love this visual. How we look back at our year in review and try to remember all the things that we have had happen, that we’ve seen, that we’ve learned, and in this time try to draw a life lesson from it.

However, as I try to revisit the grand old year of 2005, I can’t help but think that I’m all the wiser to what not to do, and only informed of what is happening now. Each year I grow smarter and more mature (or I’d like to think so). Each year big things happen and I learn from them. So as we look back at this year, let’s think about Janus and what we’ve seen.

Being the Roman god of past and future, beginnings, bridges, doorways, and of peace, it’s appropriate to look at the things that reflect these. So let’s begin. In no particular order, something that was a bridge in my life would be my transfer to UW-Platteville. It was something that involved my past and my future (hence the bridge). As I look at the bridge, I’m glad by the fact that I’m over it and onto my new situation. Not that the old was terrible (quite the opposite), but excited with what I’ve seen so far on the other side.

My doorway could be described as my role in Intervarsity. Becoming a small group leader was a huge open doorway for my spiritual walk, and I cannot imagine any other way that I would have grown this year. It was an absolute blessing. The thing that is my past is Winona. I loved Winona, and I wouldn’t trade my experience for the world (heck I met my best friend there). But I am glad that it is my past and that I’m happy where I am now.

I’ve saved the best for last. My beginning is the most exciting thing to me. When things are just beginning I find it easy to get caught up in all the hustle and bustle, but I have a good feeling about this beginning. My most memorable beginning actually just happened, and I am excited that as the new year begins, my new life at Platteville begins, and my new perspective on things begins, my new relationship begins as well. Simeon is amazing, and I cannot wait to spend more time with him and create more memories.

So as you look backwards and forwards this year, don’t forget to look sideways and up and down, for sometimes the best time of the year is when you get the best of the new one and the old one, so you can see the new beginnings. What are some of your favorite memories of 2005?

Before Technicolor...

Should things be in plain black and white, or is it okay to have a grey area? I've been thinking recently, that sometimes there are things that should seem black and white, but when you actually experince them, its all shades of grey.

You know you like someone, that's pretty clear; you know you want to date them, that's pretty clear too. But when things actually start to happen, it gets fuzzy. You now are dating - how do you act? How do you introduce each other? How do you spend time together, yet spend time apart? Will you have to meet the parents? When they are gone, do you go to visit? How serious do you want this to be?

If there were no grey area, i guess there would be many ups and downs, and never just times where you are there, living life. so maybe we need the grey area in life to lead up to the blacks and whites. There are still some aspects of life that are black and white. I mean, life or death, and i choose life. You like the person, that's pretty clear, what more could you want?

I DO want the grey though, i want to experience things and learn along the way. That's the excitement of relationships.

Wish me luck tonight :)

The only kid...

Do you remember when you were younger and there was always a kid on the playground that forgot their shoes because it had snowed, and they wore their boots? If you were ever this kid, you know how it feels. You feel retarded and socially you turn into a leper because you are wearing your pink moon boots. I was this kid more than once. But...is it so bad to be this kid? Should we want to be the outcast or the in crowd?

I've been thinking lately that maybe its not so bad being alone. Maybe Paul was right in his activism towards solidarity. Did God really create us to be put together? Although i think we need the company and fellowship sometimes, i'm not sure that we need the "other half."

I've been struggling lately with where i am in my relationships. Friends are amazing, but what are they good for? Or maybe its just that a certain type of friendship is all we need. Let's say we were that kid from the playground. We are forced to the outside corners of the social pecking order and we never even get a bite. What would be so bad about that? You get more of the imagination rights (no other kids messing up your story line), you get instant access to the swings because you, unlike the others, already have your boots on, and you get to think for yourself and see the world in a completely different light.

I'm not saying that i don't appreciate my friends...if i didn't have meredith in my life, i'd be messed up. She is my best friend in the entire world. I got lucky finding her when i did. But i'm not near her now. Who should i be friends with? Guys are NOT good friends - they only lead to confusing and heart ache. The girls thus far at p-vegas can't form an emotion for the life of them, and my family is my family...sometimes i just don't want to tell them everything (they are too involved already and won't be objective about the situation).

So i'm torn...in these next two years of my life, should i just be a nomad and travel around not connected to anyone? or should i find those few people that may make my time barable until i can be near Meredith again? And that's the other thing...what if i've already had my time with meredith and when i'm ready, she's already got friends.

Oh, how i wish life wouldn't be so dependant on answers....

Oh, and by the way...its snowing...again...time to slip and fall again.

Confused Confucius?

When life gets cloudy, we immediately want it to be clear. When math starts to get challenging people decide it isn’t for them. When relationships start to become confusing, people want answers. Is life really that particular that we need answers right away? Are we the cause of all the confusion or is it really that complicated?

I am subject to wanting answers, and wanting them now. Who doesn’t want to know how life is going to end up? Myself, for one. Even though I want answers, why would you wish your life away and spoil the ending? Life is pretty straight-forward in some aspects. There is no surprise ending when dealing with life or death – to live is death, and to die is gain. So why in our lives do we try to muddy up the equation?

When two added to two is four, its simple. Then we want to try to add some spice to the equation and say that the square root of two squared plus two raised to the first power is…still four. Hmm, is that really that confusing? Let’s try it again; we need some more excitement. Let’s say that the sum of e to the natural log of two, plus six raised to the zero power times the cubed root of eight equals…four. Puzzling, right? The only thing that is puzzling is that in each of the situations, we try to make it mean more and be more complicated than it really is, but each time, it comes out to be four.

Now, I’m not saying that life isn’t a fuzzy shade of gray sometimes, but when it comes to the important things in life – life itself, love, truth, meaning – its as clear as day. So in relationships, when things are getting confusing there is no need to try to solve the problem. There are ways of dealing with it to make it less confusing. You could just ask the person what is going on. You could avoid the situation completely, or you could just keep going on, knowing that when it comes to being loved, or loving, you’re already taken care of, this is just an added bonus.

I haven’t quite solved this equation yet, but I think it could be a little bit of everything, and hopefully it still all adds up to four.

Loraine is gone?

Sometimes things happen in life that are difficult to deal with. They create awkward moments and stress. However there are two benefits to these situations: 1) You learn from it and 2) You see things clearer than when you started. I think its really cool how God works in the relationships we build and work at.

It makes me wonder how God plans all these mishaps and blunders, yet plans the beauty and fun of other things. Maybe we have to go through the awkward times in order to experience the comfort. Maybe its like a pre-requisite in order to get into the good - you have to suffer! I guess i would almost hope this is the way it works.

If people didn't ever experience the horrible workings of relationships and the world, they might never learn and see what can happen. I think its better to know and appreciate what has happened in the past in order to appreciate what is given to us in our future. the things we have to weigh out in order to see that God has given and taken away are big things.

I was talking to a friend of mine recently and he said that we have to examine what we are with that other person. If we bear more fruit together or apart, and if the answer is apart, then its time to reconsider the relationship. This could be one of the hardest things, because of two reasons: It could be hard because you truly like the other person, and you don't want to give it up, or it could be hard because you're not sure about the other person, and the thought of being with them scares you, but you're so good together. That raises a question in my mind - if you aren't interested in that other person, should you try it and hope that God provides the attraction because you are so good together, or should you just stay as friends, but close as a couple?

And how do we, as humans that sin, know so early on that things aren't right? How do we know that when we say no, its for God's will, and not our own? Challenging questions, and i want feedback! I love to hear what others have to say, so let me know...

But until God shows me some of these answers, i guess i can see clearly now...loraine is gone :) (bad joke, i know)

mature, schmature

Yeah, that's right, i'm a legal gambler now! Watch out! That's about all i see as a perk in this new age of twenty-one. that and i feel a whole lot older!

More to post later this week...its been busy!

Some People Have All the Luck

Why is it, in a world of 6 billion people, do we as individuals, meet the people we do? Is it by luck? By chance? By mere coincidence? Or is it in a plan, somehow it will find its way of surfacing, and then we’ll know the Great Mystery. There are some things in life that we just have to accept, and not know why they happen.

Here’s my question. Why do some people luck out and have kids? Why do some people luck out and meet the person of their dreams? Why do some people get to have their dream job right after college?

Three ways of making this happen depends on the situation. The first way to make your luck change would be to go after it. The job situation is controllable. We can control our luck with jobs by pursuing them and making it happen. If each person had the deep desire and ambition they could get whatever job they want. I mean look at that kid name Barry, he went for math, but secretly wanted to be a Culver’s connoisseur for the rest of his life. Dreams can come true.

The other ways of making great switch of luck would be to wait. This love situation is the one of waiting (or so I’m told). I guess people who say this can be right. One of three things could happen when waiting for love. First, it could actually show up sometime within the decade. Second, you could eventually figure out that you really don’t need the love of another human being to survive. Third, you could just say its love after so many years because you’re so desperate for it. So go ahead wait…it will come.

The last way it could happen for you means spending lots of money. Its true, some people are physically incapable of having children. If I could give away my uterus to them, I would in an instant. But for some it’s not in the cards. There is a way to fix this. Money cures all. You could adopt or get fertilization hormones. The possibilities are endless!

So there you have it folks. Three blissful ways to getting what you want – tire yourself, wait until you die, and spend all the money you have. OR, you could just accept the cards you get and play the best euchre hand known to man. Its been done before.

Throwing in the Towel...

When is enough, enough? In relationships, when is it time to say au reviore? I was talking with someone the other day about relationships and how to know when its time to let it die a slow and painful death. Sometimes, it’s just not the right one; but how do we know?

What are the tell tale signs that a relationship is not meant to be? Can we, as individuals know exactly when a relationship is over? Of course there are some circumstances where you know it’s time. Abuse is not a relationship and one should swiftly exit the situation as soon as possible. If your relationship has turned into the spaceship from Armaggedon and has lost all contact with its mother ship, its time to look at what you’re willing to let loose (this is referring to loss of communication if you didn’t follow).

I’m not specifically talking about these kinds of relationships, I’m talking about the ones that have either started and were doomed from the start, but we as humans want that love and affection so we stick it out, or the relationships where its good for a while then its bad for a longer while.

I have had my fair share of doomed relationships, and by fair share, I mean two. In each of these situations there were big red flags screaming, get out! This is the last helicopter out of Vietnam! But yet, I stuck them out, and eventually got hurt in the end. Could I have prevented this by taking that heed and going with it? Or was it in the plan to royally mess up but be royally picked back up?

I think when we know, we know. I mean, when we know its time to stick it out, or leave, we know. Its hard to get through the bad times if it is a relationship that we stay with, but that’s what makes it stronger. Perhaps that’s the beauty of it, we’ll just know when we do – life is one big Sherlock Holmes novel waiting to be solved.

But here’s my situation, I feel like its cold outside and I’m standing in a puddle. One foot is dry and on its way to a good thing, but the other foot has now seen the bad side, and is cold and wants to quit all together. Here’s the kicker, all I have to do is remove my foot from the cold dirty water and start back in the good direction I was on – I just have to wait for it to dry a little and I’ll be fine.

So I guess in times of relationships, we have to stick it out gnome matter what. I mean, how else will we find out if our foot dries? And as the great south says…Click, Click, we don’t Quit!!

As if Halloween wasn't scary enough...

During the month of October people from all facets of the nation collectively join forces to promote fear. Perhaps by purchasing frightening costumes, decorating doorsteps, and buying candies with ghosts and goblins on the outside. But do we celebrate Halloween all year round in our relationships?

As men and women grow older and find themselves still alone, the fear of being alone becomes greater as well. Many adults have natural relationship fears. I have a slight fear of commitment. Some people have a fear of saying I love you too soon. Others have a fear of ending up with someone who doesn’t know who Mr. Belding is because they weren’t born in that era. All are equally substantial fears.

But how do we as mature adults learn to fight off the boogeymans of relationships? There isn’t a zinc drop cure-all that we can take to relieve the doubt. Its not like you can order a partner up on the telephone and hope that the relationship works out.

I’m reading a book called A Lady In Waiting. It’s about establishing your love relationships, but mainly just one – with God Himself. The book tells us as single Christian women to embrace out singleness. Embrace the fact that we have no one to share our life with?? Talk about frightening!

But I think the author is onto something. We have this overwhelming fear that we are never going to find someone. But if you think about it, what’s scarier than having your single days fly by without even a ho-hum here and there? Is it not scary to just live the single days out wanting and wishing to find someone, but not realizing the gift we have?

We have the world at our fingertips. We can travel, we can cook for one, we can go to McDonalds at 9 PM just for kicks and not feel bad. We have been given these days to spend time with God and get to know ourselves.

Perhaps we’re not meant to find anyone, but that’s not scary. There are far scarier things out there – I mean, come on…have you seen the oompa loopmas from the Avalon?? So this Halloween, I’m embracing my singleness in style. After all, Halloween is only one day of the year…

Onto the third course!...?

A man and woman were out on a date. They went to an expensive french restuarant. When the waiter asks what they will be having for dinner, the woman asks for the lobster and the man asks for the creme brulet. "But sweetie, we haven't even had the main course yet." "Who wants to eat the main course when you can go straight for the desert?" The woman had a baffled look on her face, and sat confused the rest of the night. What she should have done was get up and stormed off in an angry rage.

My partner in crime Meredith created a theory comparing relationships to eating. In this theory, she claims that men enjoy desert first - skipping the main course all together. The main course is equivalent to 'real' women. Women who know who they are, and have substance to them. Women who aren't full of crap. The deserts are the women who create drama and are filled with nothing good for you. They are the sweets and you can have them for a second and they satifsy a craving, but leave you wanting more.

Why do men do this? The world is filled with 140 million men. How many do you suppose like desert? i would venture to say that at least a good 3/5 of men would rather have a meaningless relationship that lasts a day (or night) than a meaningful relationship that makes you feel full. Why is this? We know the consequences of the desert, yet we choose to eat it first.

Maybe the thought of eating the main course scares us. maybe the idea of only eating meat and potatoes for the rest of our lives is scarier than the consequences of eating the desert. Although it may seem like you would be dealing with the same course over and over and over again, who's to say that when you find the right one, you can't add some spice to the potatoes, or make bread pudding - a combination of the two meals?

And when you order the desert first, it ruins the meal all together. I mean, you eat cake first, you can't finish your meal later. Then you miss out on grandma's famous homemade mashed poatoes. You'll never know what it was like, you'll only have the after taste of a tiramisu ingrained in your mind. If you date in small only self-satisfying relationships for a long period of time, you can't seem to get the hang of the real full-blown relationship.

What happens when you go in with the intent eating the main course, but you end up sneaking a peek at the desert. You combine flavors and the main course starts to taste sweet and nasty at the same time. On the flipside, if you eat the desert first, and then try the main course, your desert now tastes like au jus sauce! What is proved here is that you can't double dip, its one or the other, real women, or fake women.

Does it happen the other way around, or are we forever stuck in our food groups? Can men eat the main course? Are they man enough to eat the whole steak? i would hope so, because most women, can handle a steak any day.

All Aboard the Soul Train!

In a world of 6 billion people, a nation of 290 thousand, is there one perfect person out there for you? Are soul mates the real deal or myth? There are the hopeless romantics that would say yes, and then the die hard realists who would say, no. What do you think?

Recently i was asked if i believed in the idea of having a soul mate - that one perfect person out there in the great cosmic divide that will someday show up on our door step. Now, by that definition, it sounds like i don't believe, but are there really signs of a someone out there?

Let's say that there is a such thing as a soul mate. What would be the purpose or the significance? Would they just match the soul of the other, or would they need to complete the better half of the person? So many questions raised, not enough answers.

Now let's say there is no such thing as a soul mate. How do we met the people we do? Perhaps we're all compatible, yet the ones that can handle each other the longest are the ones that stay together. Isn't that sort of a sad thought to think that everyone could or might end up with each other, but some don't, and just really don't like each other.

Is it safe to say that God is preparing someone for us? Or is it safer to say that he isn't preparing anyone at all? That way you protect yourself from getting hurt. Or do we ultimately not attach ourselves to anything or belief for fear of getting hurt? And why is getting hurt so bad in people's eyes? I myself am guilty. I have committment issues. But what's so wrong with getting hurt. You learn...you know better...you set standards...you move on. But how and when do we move on?

Now i know that this whole conversation is panning out more questions than answers, but someone told me that sometimes, questions are better than answers. They get the mind moving. So until i get some answers, i'm leaving withmy questions and using my faith to get by.

Fudge-cicles!

Do you ever wonder what people think your past is? Like when you walk down the street and see someone just standing at the corner of a hot dog store, do you think to yourself...the guy must have been in FFA. Because apparently only people in FFA get hot dogs at hot dog stores? No, no one really knows.

So, why do we create these pasts and backgrounds to the people we don't even know? It is to maybe make our past less of something it really is? Do we create this mystery in others to enhance the normalcy in ourselves?

The other day i was talking to a friend and creating stories for the people that walked by. He claimed that one of them was dpressed. that he was a test tube baby that never saw the light of day after he was out. We derived this decision based on the fact that he was pacing.

This can also work in the way of displaying your faith. do people know that i'm Christian just by looking at me? Could they take a guess that i'm not a party girl? Most likely they can tell that i don't party, but it makes me wonder if people ever make up the scenario that i'm a christian that is quiet but loves the lord?

Who knows, its just interesting to think about. I know this isn't very article-esque, but i have no topics to write about, so there. Hope you have a good week!

Short and Sweet

No, i'm not describing myself in the title, just describing the post. Here's my question of the week: Why is the inernet so appealing? Seriously, let's take a BIG look on an example. The Facebook. Do people have an addiction? All sources point to YES.

UW-Platteville has recently got their hands on a website media called The Facebook. What is it? A way to stalk each other in a more subtle way. How you ask? This online directory allows one to look up anything about a person that person is willing to admit. Let's use an example. If i were to look up a girl name kimberly, here's what we get. A page with about 3 choices of Kimberlys would pop up. Which one to choose, lets go with the one with a question mark for a picture (just for fun). We come up to a screen that has information on Kimberly. things like where she's from, what she's majoring in, what kind of musi she listens to, her political views. This particualr girl is a liberal that likes to party and has no specific music taste.

You may be asking, what's the matter with that? Well, first of all, the first thing you judge that person on is how they look. If they are cute or just plan ugly. if they are ugly, no need to waste your time. Next, if you are added as a friend, does that mean your a friend for life? Or just to get as many people on your list as you can (which is apparently called "whoring out")? Next, you judge things souly on the fact that they like pink floyd or like country, or they put God as their interest, or they are an art major.

My biggest problem with this is, what ever happened to good old fashioned questions? You meet someone in your class, you start talking, you ask what they are majoring in, perhaps you escalate to the level of where are you from. This is the old fashioned way of meeting people! what ever happened to that? Then the question is raised, is this God's way of introducing people? Or is it something satan contribed so that we become even lasier than we already are?

I'll admit, i'm on the facebook. I could have rebelled and not gone on it, not written anything in my profile, or not put a picture up. so i succame to all the pressure of the technology. I'm ashamed to say that i'm meeting people through it too. I think the difference is, i think its dumb, and funny that people have started to use it as a crutch. I laugh at the stupidity of southwest wisconsinites. i mean seriously, the facebook is so two years ago.

When Harry met Bri...

"Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount." Oh Billy Crystal, you zainy character, you. This is a quote from the beloved movie When Harry Met Sally. Most men would descirbe this as a mojor chick flick. Which, i'd have to agree is. But in the movie, Harry proposes an interesting theory. Men and women can't be friends. Is this true? Are men and women destined to be frenemies for the rest of their existence?

Now, i would never base anything on something that Billy Crystal said, but his thinking is that sex gets in the way. Not necessarily the act of sex, but the thought of sex, the lust, the idea of something more than plutonic. So before i formed a decision about this, i had to ask myself, have i had any relationships where i have been completely friend oriented? I haven't found an answer to that yet. Does this include the men that i don't find attractive? Because even in that situation, you think about the sex factor and decide whether or not you can be friends. Most times in this situation, you can be friends, and that's what you end up doing.

Then we have to think about, even if WE are not thinking about lust and sex, the other half could be thinking about it. the Kinsey Institute has done a study on men and women. They found that 54% of men think about sex everyday or several times a day, 43% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 4% less than once a month. And similarly, 19% of women think about sex everyday or several times a day, 67% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 14% less than once a month. So even if you aren't thinking about it, the other person might be and ultimately ruins the relationship.

What does all this boil down to? It seems that our society is a sexual society, and God made us sexual beings. Does this mean that inter-gender relationships are doomed? Not necessarily. My thinking is, yes, you can think about your guy friend for a second about whether or not you find him attractive. If you don't, and still want to be friends, well then, you've done it. However, if you do think your leading male friend is attractive then the friendship may perhaps be ruined. I think in my book, the jury might still be out, i'm not sure if this theory is true, but i do know, that I have guy friends...So that's good news.

Here's the plan:

So I've decided that I'm going to write this blog as a weekly column. I enjoy reading my brother's column in the fabulous Jordan Independant, so I've decided to take matters into my own hands and create a weekly column. I'll start out this week with a mind-boggling, question-raising topic.

There are approximately 147.8 females in the United States. 54% of these women are labeled as unmarried and single. What does this mean? The majority of those 54% have a set core of friends that they regularly spend time with, as to create some sort of company. The real question is, what percent of these women have female friends?

In my 20 some odd years of existence, I have battled my way through the lines to get to a decent female friend. I lucked out in the search because I have my sister as one of my best friends, and also, my best friend Jaime and my best friend Meredith. However, at this stage in my life I feel that to my chagrin, I am at a loss of women friends. Those near and dear are far from reach for the time being. So I'm on the prowl, back in the front line with guns a-blazzin'!

It has been brought to my attention that I am the type of girl that others hate. I can relate well to guys, I can talk with ease to the opposite gender. To me, its like riding a bike - nothing new to the concept of guys, just a different frame. Why is it easier to get along with guys than girls? Who knows, and frankly, I don't want to find out. But the reason for the topic is, that I would like to have a network of girl friends. I want to be "one of the girls." I want to wear nail polish and mascara with ease and not have a second thought about it.

how do we achieve that state? I was told to just do it, dive into the girlish abyss of skirts and pink shirts. This thought has been beating in my brain for the last few days at the idea of a "girls night." One such specimen came up to me and asked, "what do you think we should to at our girls night? Maybe we should just get all dolled up and go out to eat then come back and have girl time. Or maybe we should get some facial supplies and do each others make-up." Frankly it made me want to throw-up.

Maybe I'm not ready for this big of a commitment. I think for the time being I'll stick to my old ways of being punk and wearing grey. It matches everything and if it gets dirty, who will ever know? Is that a guy thing to say? Ah well, I like this side, its a clear view of both, and I know right where I am.

Ride 'Em Cowboy!

So, i rode a mechanical bull yesterday. it was pretty sweet. And i must say, if i were ever a cowboy, i'd rock your face off. Cause i'm the illest cowgirl there ever was.

Punt, Pass, and Date?

I've been thinking, can you "pass" on a relationship due to musical differences? Say a girl is really into country, and its the only thing she listens to, and then guy loves punk rock. If they met, and were perfect together, besides this one thing, is there reason to say, hey, you are an awful person because you listen to country, i can't date you?

Or can you "pass" on dating if they aren't really into movies, but you are? Are these things important enough to determine our fate? Or how do we determine what is so important in a match? Blonde/brunette, smoker/athlete, christian/mormon, burping/farting?

I'm over clemping....this is my topic to discuss....discuss amongst the blog....

I love my job.

I work at the PFAC. Also known as the Platteville Family Aquatic Center. I'm a lifeguard (second year). And well, the job consists of making sure people don't die and people watching. Which the later is my favorite aspect of the job. Not to mention the stellar tan. But here are a few reasons why I love working at the PFAC.

1. A group of boys the other day were pretending to dunk themselves by grabbing the back of their heads and forcing it under water. They would each blame each other for the dunking. Excect one boy. He was doing the dunking too, except he would shout out things like, "Mrs. Smith (one of the other's mother i'm assuming) stop banging me." "Help. Barbara Streisand is on my shoulders." "Its like Patch Adams, look beyond." Why? Who knows.

2. A woman lays in front of the pool doors and awaits its opening. Why stand when you can lay? She was wearing acid washed, high wasted, tapered jeans with a grey and pink faded sweatshirt that ran over the shoulders. She had a brownish/orange pair of sun glasses that took over her face, and a hat that had the bill as straight as an arrow. Instead of waiting for the pool to open so she can swim, this woman sets up camp next to the deep end to watch the diving boards. Why? Who knows.

3. The group homies grope the 12 and 13 year old girls and ask what PDA is. Then they move onto adjusting their tracking ankle braclets so they can do flips on the diving board. Why? Who knows.

These are just some reasons why the PFAC is the best place to work. Granted to some, they may seem like you'd want to leave that area immeditaly for fear of life, but no, its just the pool rats and their fun ways of being creepy. Ahhh, the PFAC.

Open mouth, and enter foot.

Open mouth, and enter foot.

Sometimes i put my foot in my mouth. maybe some of you have experienced this too, but when you know you're talking to someone that its kind of important that you're talking, you end up putting your foot in your mouth (figureatively). I mean, you can't find the right words to say, and you aren't allowing yourself to think because your emotions or something else gets in the way. Well, recently this has happened to me.

I came to the moment that i had thought about for a long time. this whole summer i've prayed to receive the words to say at this very moment, and prayed that when the moment comes God would speak to me and help me get out what i needed to say. However, when this moment came, i was numb, dumbfounded, and i'm sure i said the wrong things. I just wish i could take it back, write down what i really wanted to say, and then let the spirit work through me to help the other person understand.

So what does this say about the timing? Was the timing not right? Did I mince words because it wasn't in God's timing, it was on my own? Should i have said anything in the first place? Did i pray about it enough. I mean, i can't go back - what's said is said, and what's done is done, but i just wish i could explain myself more. Ah well....perhaps its for the best this time around. Perhaps we all need to put our feet in the our mouths just so someday we can know when not to.

C'est la vie.

I'm New!

This week was a stellar week! I had so many blessings it was great! i got my teeth fixed, which someday soon i will have a picture on of my new chompers, but also, i got a new computer! i got an apple ibook G4. yes, that means i'm better than you. Well, not really, but that's what my brother would say. :] But seriously folks, i got a brand spanking new computer, which means that you have to email me, write on my blog, and do a whole lot more, because i'm going to! Oh, that also means that i got a free, yes FREE, ipod mini, which is also extremely stellar. So, i'm now better than you for real.

Oh, also, we almost got to see Tiffany at the Mall of America. But it turns out that it was a fashion show instead of an 80's icon concert revistited. Darn.

Oh, and soon enough we'll get a deep blog...i'm not feeling too deep this summer, but soon enough i will. And thanks for having conversations on my blog. i enjoy reading them, and it seems i'm not the only blog that gets conversations, sam, john, evan, brandon and spots...what a family.

Let me hear it!

If anyone who reads this, AKA spot and Brandon and maybe Sam, i need ideas! Brandon smells like....?? I write a weekly column on our refridgerator that says Brandon smells like ( ). This week, its WOOT! So if you have any ideas, let me know!!

And for the man who has internet all the time, and decides to use it as his TV, i'm updating...happy?