When is enough, enough? In relationships, when is it time to say au reviore? I was talking with someone the other day about relationships and how to know when its time to let it die a slow and painful death. Sometimes, it’s just not the right one; but how do we know?
What are the tell tale signs that a relationship is not meant to be? Can we, as individuals know exactly when a relationship is over? Of course there are some circumstances where you know it’s time. Abuse is not a relationship and one should swiftly exit the situation as soon as possible. If your relationship has turned into the spaceship from Armaggedon and has lost all contact with its mother ship, its time to look at what you’re willing to let loose (this is referring to loss of communication if you didn’t follow).
I’m not specifically talking about these kinds of relationships, I’m talking about the ones that have either started and were doomed from the start, but we as humans want that love and affection so we stick it out, or the relationships where its good for a while then its bad for a longer while.
I have had my fair share of doomed relationships, and by fair share, I mean two. In each of these situations there were big red flags screaming, get out! This is the last helicopter out of Vietnam! But yet, I stuck them out, and eventually got hurt in the end. Could I have prevented this by taking that heed and going with it? Or was it in the plan to royally mess up but be royally picked back up?
I think when we know, we know. I mean, when we know its time to stick it out, or leave, we know. Its hard to get through the bad times if it is a relationship that we stay with, but that’s what makes it stronger. Perhaps that’s the beauty of it, we’ll just know when we do – life is one big Sherlock Holmes novel waiting to be solved.
But here’s my situation, I feel like its cold outside and I’m standing in a puddle. One foot is dry and on its way to a good thing, but the other foot has now seen the bad side, and is cold and wants to quit all together. Here’s the kicker, all I have to do is remove my foot from the cold dirty water and start back in the good direction I was on – I just have to wait for it to dry a little and I’ll be fine.
So I guess in times of relationships, we have to stick it out gnome matter what. I mean, how else will we find out if our foot dries? And as the great south says…Click, Click, we don’t Quit!!
Monday, October 31, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
As if Halloween wasn't scary enough...
During the month of October people from all facets of the nation collectively join forces to promote fear. Perhaps by purchasing frightening costumes, decorating doorsteps, and buying candies with ghosts and goblins on the outside. But do we celebrate Halloween all year round in our relationships?
As men and women grow older and find themselves still alone, the fear of being alone becomes greater as well. Many adults have natural relationship fears. I have a slight fear of commitment. Some people have a fear of saying I love you too soon. Others have a fear of ending up with someone who doesn’t know who Mr. Belding is because they weren’t born in that era. All are equally substantial fears.
But how do we as mature adults learn to fight off the boogeymans of relationships? There isn’t a zinc drop cure-all that we can take to relieve the doubt. Its not like you can order a partner up on the telephone and hope that the relationship works out.
I’m reading a book called A Lady In Waiting. It’s about establishing your love relationships, but mainly just one – with God Himself. The book tells us as single Christian women to embrace out singleness. Embrace the fact that we have no one to share our life with?? Talk about frightening!
But I think the author is onto something. We have this overwhelming fear that we are never going to find someone. But if you think about it, what’s scarier than having your single days fly by without even a ho-hum here and there? Is it not scary to just live the single days out wanting and wishing to find someone, but not realizing the gift we have?
We have the world at our fingertips. We can travel, we can cook for one, we can go to McDonalds at 9 PM just for kicks and not feel bad. We have been given these days to spend time with God and get to know ourselves.
Perhaps we’re not meant to find anyone, but that’s not scary. There are far scarier things out there – I mean, come on…have you seen the oompa loopmas from the Avalon?? So this Halloween, I’m embracing my singleness in style. After all, Halloween is only one day of the year…
As men and women grow older and find themselves still alone, the fear of being alone becomes greater as well. Many adults have natural relationship fears. I have a slight fear of commitment. Some people have a fear of saying I love you too soon. Others have a fear of ending up with someone who doesn’t know who Mr. Belding is because they weren’t born in that era. All are equally substantial fears.
But how do we as mature adults learn to fight off the boogeymans of relationships? There isn’t a zinc drop cure-all that we can take to relieve the doubt. Its not like you can order a partner up on the telephone and hope that the relationship works out.
I’m reading a book called A Lady In Waiting. It’s about establishing your love relationships, but mainly just one – with God Himself. The book tells us as single Christian women to embrace out singleness. Embrace the fact that we have no one to share our life with?? Talk about frightening!
But I think the author is onto something. We have this overwhelming fear that we are never going to find someone. But if you think about it, what’s scarier than having your single days fly by without even a ho-hum here and there? Is it not scary to just live the single days out wanting and wishing to find someone, but not realizing the gift we have?
We have the world at our fingertips. We can travel, we can cook for one, we can go to McDonalds at 9 PM just for kicks and not feel bad. We have been given these days to spend time with God and get to know ourselves.
Perhaps we’re not meant to find anyone, but that’s not scary. There are far scarier things out there – I mean, come on…have you seen the oompa loopmas from the Avalon?? So this Halloween, I’m embracing my singleness in style. After all, Halloween is only one day of the year…
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Onto the third course!...?
A man and woman were out on a date. They went to an expensive french restuarant. When the waiter asks what they will be having for dinner, the woman asks for the lobster and the man asks for the creme brulet. "But sweetie, we haven't even had the main course yet." "Who wants to eat the main course when you can go straight for the desert?" The woman had a baffled look on her face, and sat confused the rest of the night. What she should have done was get up and stormed off in an angry rage.
My partner in crime Meredith created a theory comparing relationships to eating. In this theory, she claims that men enjoy desert first - skipping the main course all together. The main course is equivalent to 'real' women. Women who know who they are, and have substance to them. Women who aren't full of crap. The deserts are the women who create drama and are filled with nothing good for you. They are the sweets and you can have them for a second and they satifsy a craving, but leave you wanting more.
Why do men do this? The world is filled with 140 million men. How many do you suppose like desert? i would venture to say that at least a good 3/5 of men would rather have a meaningless relationship that lasts a day (or night) than a meaningful relationship that makes you feel full. Why is this? We know the consequences of the desert, yet we choose to eat it first.
Maybe the thought of eating the main course scares us. maybe the idea of only eating meat and potatoes for the rest of our lives is scarier than the consequences of eating the desert. Although it may seem like you would be dealing with the same course over and over and over again, who's to say that when you find the right one, you can't add some spice to the potatoes, or make bread pudding - a combination of the two meals?
And when you order the desert first, it ruins the meal all together. I mean, you eat cake first, you can't finish your meal later. Then you miss out on grandma's famous homemade mashed poatoes. You'll never know what it was like, you'll only have the after taste of a tiramisu ingrained in your mind. If you date in small only self-satisfying relationships for a long period of time, you can't seem to get the hang of the real full-blown relationship.
What happens when you go in with the intent eating the main course, but you end up sneaking a peek at the desert. You combine flavors and the main course starts to taste sweet and nasty at the same time. On the flipside, if you eat the desert first, and then try the main course, your desert now tastes like au jus sauce! What is proved here is that you can't double dip, its one or the other, real women, or fake women.
Does it happen the other way around, or are we forever stuck in our food groups? Can men eat the main course? Are they man enough to eat the whole steak? i would hope so, because most women, can handle a steak any day.
My partner in crime Meredith created a theory comparing relationships to eating. In this theory, she claims that men enjoy desert first - skipping the main course all together. The main course is equivalent to 'real' women. Women who know who they are, and have substance to them. Women who aren't full of crap. The deserts are the women who create drama and are filled with nothing good for you. They are the sweets and you can have them for a second and they satifsy a craving, but leave you wanting more.
Why do men do this? The world is filled with 140 million men. How many do you suppose like desert? i would venture to say that at least a good 3/5 of men would rather have a meaningless relationship that lasts a day (or night) than a meaningful relationship that makes you feel full. Why is this? We know the consequences of the desert, yet we choose to eat it first.
Maybe the thought of eating the main course scares us. maybe the idea of only eating meat and potatoes for the rest of our lives is scarier than the consequences of eating the desert. Although it may seem like you would be dealing with the same course over and over and over again, who's to say that when you find the right one, you can't add some spice to the potatoes, or make bread pudding - a combination of the two meals?
And when you order the desert first, it ruins the meal all together. I mean, you eat cake first, you can't finish your meal later. Then you miss out on grandma's famous homemade mashed poatoes. You'll never know what it was like, you'll only have the after taste of a tiramisu ingrained in your mind. If you date in small only self-satisfying relationships for a long period of time, you can't seem to get the hang of the real full-blown relationship.
What happens when you go in with the intent eating the main course, but you end up sneaking a peek at the desert. You combine flavors and the main course starts to taste sweet and nasty at the same time. On the flipside, if you eat the desert first, and then try the main course, your desert now tastes like au jus sauce! What is proved here is that you can't double dip, its one or the other, real women, or fake women.
Does it happen the other way around, or are we forever stuck in our food groups? Can men eat the main course? Are they man enough to eat the whole steak? i would hope so, because most women, can handle a steak any day.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
All Aboard the Soul Train!
In a world of 6 billion people, a nation of 290 thousand, is there one perfect person out there for you? Are soul mates the real deal or myth? There are the hopeless romantics that would say yes, and then the die hard realists who would say, no. What do you think?
Recently i was asked if i believed in the idea of having a soul mate - that one perfect person out there in the great cosmic divide that will someday show up on our door step. Now, by that definition, it sounds like i don't believe, but are there really signs of a someone out there?
Let's say that there is a such thing as a soul mate. What would be the purpose or the significance? Would they just match the soul of the other, or would they need to complete the better half of the person? So many questions raised, not enough answers.
Now let's say there is no such thing as a soul mate. How do we met the people we do? Perhaps we're all compatible, yet the ones that can handle each other the longest are the ones that stay together. Isn't that sort of a sad thought to think that everyone could or might end up with each other, but some don't, and just really don't like each other.
Is it safe to say that God is preparing someone for us? Or is it safer to say that he isn't preparing anyone at all? That way you protect yourself from getting hurt. Or do we ultimately not attach ourselves to anything or belief for fear of getting hurt? And why is getting hurt so bad in people's eyes? I myself am guilty. I have committment issues. But what's so wrong with getting hurt. You learn...you know better...you set standards...you move on. But how and when do we move on?
Now i know that this whole conversation is panning out more questions than answers, but someone told me that sometimes, questions are better than answers. They get the mind moving. So until i get some answers, i'm leaving withmy questions and using my faith to get by.
Recently i was asked if i believed in the idea of having a soul mate - that one perfect person out there in the great cosmic divide that will someday show up on our door step. Now, by that definition, it sounds like i don't believe, but are there really signs of a someone out there?
Let's say that there is a such thing as a soul mate. What would be the purpose or the significance? Would they just match the soul of the other, or would they need to complete the better half of the person? So many questions raised, not enough answers.
Now let's say there is no such thing as a soul mate. How do we met the people we do? Perhaps we're all compatible, yet the ones that can handle each other the longest are the ones that stay together. Isn't that sort of a sad thought to think that everyone could or might end up with each other, but some don't, and just really don't like each other.
Is it safe to say that God is preparing someone for us? Or is it safer to say that he isn't preparing anyone at all? That way you protect yourself from getting hurt. Or do we ultimately not attach ourselves to anything or belief for fear of getting hurt? And why is getting hurt so bad in people's eyes? I myself am guilty. I have committment issues. But what's so wrong with getting hurt. You learn...you know better...you set standards...you move on. But how and when do we move on?
Now i know that this whole conversation is panning out more questions than answers, but someone told me that sometimes, questions are better than answers. They get the mind moving. So until i get some answers, i'm leaving withmy questions and using my faith to get by.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Fudge-cicles!
Do you ever wonder what people think your past is? Like when you walk down the street and see someone just standing at the corner of a hot dog store, do you think to yourself...the guy must have been in FFA. Because apparently only people in FFA get hot dogs at hot dog stores? No, no one really knows.
So, why do we create these pasts and backgrounds to the people we don't even know? It is to maybe make our past less of something it really is? Do we create this mystery in others to enhance the normalcy in ourselves?
The other day i was talking to a friend and creating stories for the people that walked by. He claimed that one of them was dpressed. that he was a test tube baby that never saw the light of day after he was out. We derived this decision based on the fact that he was pacing.
This can also work in the way of displaying your faith. do people know that i'm Christian just by looking at me? Could they take a guess that i'm not a party girl? Most likely they can tell that i don't party, but it makes me wonder if people ever make up the scenario that i'm a christian that is quiet but loves the lord?
Who knows, its just interesting to think about. I know this isn't very article-esque, but i have no topics to write about, so there. Hope you have a good week!
So, why do we create these pasts and backgrounds to the people we don't even know? It is to maybe make our past less of something it really is? Do we create this mystery in others to enhance the normalcy in ourselves?
The other day i was talking to a friend and creating stories for the people that walked by. He claimed that one of them was dpressed. that he was a test tube baby that never saw the light of day after he was out. We derived this decision based on the fact that he was pacing.
This can also work in the way of displaying your faith. do people know that i'm Christian just by looking at me? Could they take a guess that i'm not a party girl? Most likely they can tell that i don't party, but it makes me wonder if people ever make up the scenario that i'm a christian that is quiet but loves the lord?
Who knows, its just interesting to think about. I know this isn't very article-esque, but i have no topics to write about, so there. Hope you have a good week!
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