Auld Lang...

The name January comes from the Roman god of beginnings, of past and future, Janus; he is depicted as having two faces looking in opposite directions. I love this visual. How we look back at our year in review and try to remember all the things that we have had happen, that we’ve seen, that we’ve learned, and in this time try to draw a life lesson from it.

However, as I try to revisit the grand old year of 2005, I can’t help but think that I’m all the wiser to what not to do, and only informed of what is happening now. Each year I grow smarter and more mature (or I’d like to think so). Each year big things happen and I learn from them. So as we look back at this year, let’s think about Janus and what we’ve seen.

Being the Roman god of past and future, beginnings, bridges, doorways, and of peace, it’s appropriate to look at the things that reflect these. So let’s begin. In no particular order, something that was a bridge in my life would be my transfer to UW-Platteville. It was something that involved my past and my future (hence the bridge). As I look at the bridge, I’m glad by the fact that I’m over it and onto my new situation. Not that the old was terrible (quite the opposite), but excited with what I’ve seen so far on the other side.

My doorway could be described as my role in Intervarsity. Becoming a small group leader was a huge open doorway for my spiritual walk, and I cannot imagine any other way that I would have grown this year. It was an absolute blessing. The thing that is my past is Winona. I loved Winona, and I wouldn’t trade my experience for the world (heck I met my best friend there). But I am glad that it is my past and that I’m happy where I am now.

I’ve saved the best for last. My beginning is the most exciting thing to me. When things are just beginning I find it easy to get caught up in all the hustle and bustle, but I have a good feeling about this beginning. My most memorable beginning actually just happened, and I am excited that as the new year begins, my new life at Platteville begins, and my new perspective on things begins, my new relationship begins as well. Simeon is amazing, and I cannot wait to spend more time with him and create more memories.

So as you look backwards and forwards this year, don’t forget to look sideways and up and down, for sometimes the best time of the year is when you get the best of the new one and the old one, so you can see the new beginnings. What are some of your favorite memories of 2005?

Before Technicolor...

Should things be in plain black and white, or is it okay to have a grey area? I've been thinking recently, that sometimes there are things that should seem black and white, but when you actually experince them, its all shades of grey.

You know you like someone, that's pretty clear; you know you want to date them, that's pretty clear too. But when things actually start to happen, it gets fuzzy. You now are dating - how do you act? How do you introduce each other? How do you spend time together, yet spend time apart? Will you have to meet the parents? When they are gone, do you go to visit? How serious do you want this to be?

If there were no grey area, i guess there would be many ups and downs, and never just times where you are there, living life. so maybe we need the grey area in life to lead up to the blacks and whites. There are still some aspects of life that are black and white. I mean, life or death, and i choose life. You like the person, that's pretty clear, what more could you want?

I DO want the grey though, i want to experience things and learn along the way. That's the excitement of relationships.

Wish me luck tonight :)

The only kid...

Do you remember when you were younger and there was always a kid on the playground that forgot their shoes because it had snowed, and they wore their boots? If you were ever this kid, you know how it feels. You feel retarded and socially you turn into a leper because you are wearing your pink moon boots. I was this kid more than once. But...is it so bad to be this kid? Should we want to be the outcast or the in crowd?

I've been thinking lately that maybe its not so bad being alone. Maybe Paul was right in his activism towards solidarity. Did God really create us to be put together? Although i think we need the company and fellowship sometimes, i'm not sure that we need the "other half."

I've been struggling lately with where i am in my relationships. Friends are amazing, but what are they good for? Or maybe its just that a certain type of friendship is all we need. Let's say we were that kid from the playground. We are forced to the outside corners of the social pecking order and we never even get a bite. What would be so bad about that? You get more of the imagination rights (no other kids messing up your story line), you get instant access to the swings because you, unlike the others, already have your boots on, and you get to think for yourself and see the world in a completely different light.

I'm not saying that i don't appreciate my friends...if i didn't have meredith in my life, i'd be messed up. She is my best friend in the entire world. I got lucky finding her when i did. But i'm not near her now. Who should i be friends with? Guys are NOT good friends - they only lead to confusing and heart ache. The girls thus far at p-vegas can't form an emotion for the life of them, and my family is my family...sometimes i just don't want to tell them everything (they are too involved already and won't be objective about the situation).

So i'm torn...in these next two years of my life, should i just be a nomad and travel around not connected to anyone? or should i find those few people that may make my time barable until i can be near Meredith again? And that's the other thing...what if i've already had my time with meredith and when i'm ready, she's already got friends.

Oh, how i wish life wouldn't be so dependant on answers....

Oh, and by the way...its snowing...again...time to slip and fall again.

Confused Confucius?

When life gets cloudy, we immediately want it to be clear. When math starts to get challenging people decide it isn’t for them. When relationships start to become confusing, people want answers. Is life really that particular that we need answers right away? Are we the cause of all the confusion or is it really that complicated?

I am subject to wanting answers, and wanting them now. Who doesn’t want to know how life is going to end up? Myself, for one. Even though I want answers, why would you wish your life away and spoil the ending? Life is pretty straight-forward in some aspects. There is no surprise ending when dealing with life or death – to live is death, and to die is gain. So why in our lives do we try to muddy up the equation?

When two added to two is four, its simple. Then we want to try to add some spice to the equation and say that the square root of two squared plus two raised to the first power is…still four. Hmm, is that really that confusing? Let’s try it again; we need some more excitement. Let’s say that the sum of e to the natural log of two, plus six raised to the zero power times the cubed root of eight equals…four. Puzzling, right? The only thing that is puzzling is that in each of the situations, we try to make it mean more and be more complicated than it really is, but each time, it comes out to be four.

Now, I’m not saying that life isn’t a fuzzy shade of gray sometimes, but when it comes to the important things in life – life itself, love, truth, meaning – its as clear as day. So in relationships, when things are getting confusing there is no need to try to solve the problem. There are ways of dealing with it to make it less confusing. You could just ask the person what is going on. You could avoid the situation completely, or you could just keep going on, knowing that when it comes to being loved, or loving, you’re already taken care of, this is just an added bonus.

I haven’t quite solved this equation yet, but I think it could be a little bit of everything, and hopefully it still all adds up to four.

Loraine is gone?

Sometimes things happen in life that are difficult to deal with. They create awkward moments and stress. However there are two benefits to these situations: 1) You learn from it and 2) You see things clearer than when you started. I think its really cool how God works in the relationships we build and work at.

It makes me wonder how God plans all these mishaps and blunders, yet plans the beauty and fun of other things. Maybe we have to go through the awkward times in order to experience the comfort. Maybe its like a pre-requisite in order to get into the good - you have to suffer! I guess i would almost hope this is the way it works.

If people didn't ever experience the horrible workings of relationships and the world, they might never learn and see what can happen. I think its better to know and appreciate what has happened in the past in order to appreciate what is given to us in our future. the things we have to weigh out in order to see that God has given and taken away are big things.

I was talking to a friend of mine recently and he said that we have to examine what we are with that other person. If we bear more fruit together or apart, and if the answer is apart, then its time to reconsider the relationship. This could be one of the hardest things, because of two reasons: It could be hard because you truly like the other person, and you don't want to give it up, or it could be hard because you're not sure about the other person, and the thought of being with them scares you, but you're so good together. That raises a question in my mind - if you aren't interested in that other person, should you try it and hope that God provides the attraction because you are so good together, or should you just stay as friends, but close as a couple?

And how do we, as humans that sin, know so early on that things aren't right? How do we know that when we say no, its for God's will, and not our own? Challenging questions, and i want feedback! I love to hear what others have to say, so let me know...

But until God shows me some of these answers, i guess i can see clearly now...loraine is gone :) (bad joke, i know)

mature, schmature

Yeah, that's right, i'm a legal gambler now! Watch out! That's about all i see as a perk in this new age of twenty-one. that and i feel a whole lot older!

More to post later this week...its been busy!

Some People Have All the Luck

Why is it, in a world of 6 billion people, do we as individuals, meet the people we do? Is it by luck? By chance? By mere coincidence? Or is it in a plan, somehow it will find its way of surfacing, and then we’ll know the Great Mystery. There are some things in life that we just have to accept, and not know why they happen.

Here’s my question. Why do some people luck out and have kids? Why do some people luck out and meet the person of their dreams? Why do some people get to have their dream job right after college?

Three ways of making this happen depends on the situation. The first way to make your luck change would be to go after it. The job situation is controllable. We can control our luck with jobs by pursuing them and making it happen. If each person had the deep desire and ambition they could get whatever job they want. I mean look at that kid name Barry, he went for math, but secretly wanted to be a Culver’s connoisseur for the rest of his life. Dreams can come true.

The other ways of making great switch of luck would be to wait. This love situation is the one of waiting (or so I’m told). I guess people who say this can be right. One of three things could happen when waiting for love. First, it could actually show up sometime within the decade. Second, you could eventually figure out that you really don’t need the love of another human being to survive. Third, you could just say its love after so many years because you’re so desperate for it. So go ahead wait…it will come.

The last way it could happen for you means spending lots of money. Its true, some people are physically incapable of having children. If I could give away my uterus to them, I would in an instant. But for some it’s not in the cards. There is a way to fix this. Money cures all. You could adopt or get fertilization hormones. The possibilities are endless!

So there you have it folks. Three blissful ways to getting what you want – tire yourself, wait until you die, and spend all the money you have. OR, you could just accept the cards you get and play the best euchre hand known to man. Its been done before.

Throwing in the Towel...

When is enough, enough? In relationships, when is it time to say au reviore? I was talking with someone the other day about relationships and how to know when its time to let it die a slow and painful death. Sometimes, it’s just not the right one; but how do we know?

What are the tell tale signs that a relationship is not meant to be? Can we, as individuals know exactly when a relationship is over? Of course there are some circumstances where you know it’s time. Abuse is not a relationship and one should swiftly exit the situation as soon as possible. If your relationship has turned into the spaceship from Armaggedon and has lost all contact with its mother ship, its time to look at what you’re willing to let loose (this is referring to loss of communication if you didn’t follow).

I’m not specifically talking about these kinds of relationships, I’m talking about the ones that have either started and were doomed from the start, but we as humans want that love and affection so we stick it out, or the relationships where its good for a while then its bad for a longer while.

I have had my fair share of doomed relationships, and by fair share, I mean two. In each of these situations there were big red flags screaming, get out! This is the last helicopter out of Vietnam! But yet, I stuck them out, and eventually got hurt in the end. Could I have prevented this by taking that heed and going with it? Or was it in the plan to royally mess up but be royally picked back up?

I think when we know, we know. I mean, when we know its time to stick it out, or leave, we know. Its hard to get through the bad times if it is a relationship that we stay with, but that’s what makes it stronger. Perhaps that’s the beauty of it, we’ll just know when we do – life is one big Sherlock Holmes novel waiting to be solved.

But here’s my situation, I feel like its cold outside and I’m standing in a puddle. One foot is dry and on its way to a good thing, but the other foot has now seen the bad side, and is cold and wants to quit all together. Here’s the kicker, all I have to do is remove my foot from the cold dirty water and start back in the good direction I was on – I just have to wait for it to dry a little and I’ll be fine.

So I guess in times of relationships, we have to stick it out gnome matter what. I mean, how else will we find out if our foot dries? And as the great south says…Click, Click, we don’t Quit!!

As if Halloween wasn't scary enough...

During the month of October people from all facets of the nation collectively join forces to promote fear. Perhaps by purchasing frightening costumes, decorating doorsteps, and buying candies with ghosts and goblins on the outside. But do we celebrate Halloween all year round in our relationships?

As men and women grow older and find themselves still alone, the fear of being alone becomes greater as well. Many adults have natural relationship fears. I have a slight fear of commitment. Some people have a fear of saying I love you too soon. Others have a fear of ending up with someone who doesn’t know who Mr. Belding is because they weren’t born in that era. All are equally substantial fears.

But how do we as mature adults learn to fight off the boogeymans of relationships? There isn’t a zinc drop cure-all that we can take to relieve the doubt. Its not like you can order a partner up on the telephone and hope that the relationship works out.

I’m reading a book called A Lady In Waiting. It’s about establishing your love relationships, but mainly just one – with God Himself. The book tells us as single Christian women to embrace out singleness. Embrace the fact that we have no one to share our life with?? Talk about frightening!

But I think the author is onto something. We have this overwhelming fear that we are never going to find someone. But if you think about it, what’s scarier than having your single days fly by without even a ho-hum here and there? Is it not scary to just live the single days out wanting and wishing to find someone, but not realizing the gift we have?

We have the world at our fingertips. We can travel, we can cook for one, we can go to McDonalds at 9 PM just for kicks and not feel bad. We have been given these days to spend time with God and get to know ourselves.

Perhaps we’re not meant to find anyone, but that’s not scary. There are far scarier things out there – I mean, come on…have you seen the oompa loopmas from the Avalon?? So this Halloween, I’m embracing my singleness in style. After all, Halloween is only one day of the year…

Onto the third course!...?

A man and woman were out on a date. They went to an expensive french restuarant. When the waiter asks what they will be having for dinner, the woman asks for the lobster and the man asks for the creme brulet. "But sweetie, we haven't even had the main course yet." "Who wants to eat the main course when you can go straight for the desert?" The woman had a baffled look on her face, and sat confused the rest of the night. What she should have done was get up and stormed off in an angry rage.

My partner in crime Meredith created a theory comparing relationships to eating. In this theory, she claims that men enjoy desert first - skipping the main course all together. The main course is equivalent to 'real' women. Women who know who they are, and have substance to them. Women who aren't full of crap. The deserts are the women who create drama and are filled with nothing good for you. They are the sweets and you can have them for a second and they satifsy a craving, but leave you wanting more.

Why do men do this? The world is filled with 140 million men. How many do you suppose like desert? i would venture to say that at least a good 3/5 of men would rather have a meaningless relationship that lasts a day (or night) than a meaningful relationship that makes you feel full. Why is this? We know the consequences of the desert, yet we choose to eat it first.

Maybe the thought of eating the main course scares us. maybe the idea of only eating meat and potatoes for the rest of our lives is scarier than the consequences of eating the desert. Although it may seem like you would be dealing with the same course over and over and over again, who's to say that when you find the right one, you can't add some spice to the potatoes, or make bread pudding - a combination of the two meals?

And when you order the desert first, it ruins the meal all together. I mean, you eat cake first, you can't finish your meal later. Then you miss out on grandma's famous homemade mashed poatoes. You'll never know what it was like, you'll only have the after taste of a tiramisu ingrained in your mind. If you date in small only self-satisfying relationships for a long period of time, you can't seem to get the hang of the real full-blown relationship.

What happens when you go in with the intent eating the main course, but you end up sneaking a peek at the desert. You combine flavors and the main course starts to taste sweet and nasty at the same time. On the flipside, if you eat the desert first, and then try the main course, your desert now tastes like au jus sauce! What is proved here is that you can't double dip, its one or the other, real women, or fake women.

Does it happen the other way around, or are we forever stuck in our food groups? Can men eat the main course? Are they man enough to eat the whole steak? i would hope so, because most women, can handle a steak any day.

All Aboard the Soul Train!

In a world of 6 billion people, a nation of 290 thousand, is there one perfect person out there for you? Are soul mates the real deal or myth? There are the hopeless romantics that would say yes, and then the die hard realists who would say, no. What do you think?

Recently i was asked if i believed in the idea of having a soul mate - that one perfect person out there in the great cosmic divide that will someday show up on our door step. Now, by that definition, it sounds like i don't believe, but are there really signs of a someone out there?

Let's say that there is a such thing as a soul mate. What would be the purpose or the significance? Would they just match the soul of the other, or would they need to complete the better half of the person? So many questions raised, not enough answers.

Now let's say there is no such thing as a soul mate. How do we met the people we do? Perhaps we're all compatible, yet the ones that can handle each other the longest are the ones that stay together. Isn't that sort of a sad thought to think that everyone could or might end up with each other, but some don't, and just really don't like each other.

Is it safe to say that God is preparing someone for us? Or is it safer to say that he isn't preparing anyone at all? That way you protect yourself from getting hurt. Or do we ultimately not attach ourselves to anything or belief for fear of getting hurt? And why is getting hurt so bad in people's eyes? I myself am guilty. I have committment issues. But what's so wrong with getting hurt. You learn...you know better...you set standards...you move on. But how and when do we move on?

Now i know that this whole conversation is panning out more questions than answers, but someone told me that sometimes, questions are better than answers. They get the mind moving. So until i get some answers, i'm leaving withmy questions and using my faith to get by.

Fudge-cicles!

Do you ever wonder what people think your past is? Like when you walk down the street and see someone just standing at the corner of a hot dog store, do you think to yourself...the guy must have been in FFA. Because apparently only people in FFA get hot dogs at hot dog stores? No, no one really knows.

So, why do we create these pasts and backgrounds to the people we don't even know? It is to maybe make our past less of something it really is? Do we create this mystery in others to enhance the normalcy in ourselves?

The other day i was talking to a friend and creating stories for the people that walked by. He claimed that one of them was dpressed. that he was a test tube baby that never saw the light of day after he was out. We derived this decision based on the fact that he was pacing.

This can also work in the way of displaying your faith. do people know that i'm Christian just by looking at me? Could they take a guess that i'm not a party girl? Most likely they can tell that i don't party, but it makes me wonder if people ever make up the scenario that i'm a christian that is quiet but loves the lord?

Who knows, its just interesting to think about. I know this isn't very article-esque, but i have no topics to write about, so there. Hope you have a good week!

Short and Sweet

No, i'm not describing myself in the title, just describing the post. Here's my question of the week: Why is the inernet so appealing? Seriously, let's take a BIG look on an example. The Facebook. Do people have an addiction? All sources point to YES.

UW-Platteville has recently got their hands on a website media called The Facebook. What is it? A way to stalk each other in a more subtle way. How you ask? This online directory allows one to look up anything about a person that person is willing to admit. Let's use an example. If i were to look up a girl name kimberly, here's what we get. A page with about 3 choices of Kimberlys would pop up. Which one to choose, lets go with the one with a question mark for a picture (just for fun). We come up to a screen that has information on Kimberly. things like where she's from, what she's majoring in, what kind of musi she listens to, her political views. This particualr girl is a liberal that likes to party and has no specific music taste.

You may be asking, what's the matter with that? Well, first of all, the first thing you judge that person on is how they look. If they are cute or just plan ugly. if they are ugly, no need to waste your time. Next, if you are added as a friend, does that mean your a friend for life? Or just to get as many people on your list as you can (which is apparently called "whoring out")? Next, you judge things souly on the fact that they like pink floyd or like country, or they put God as their interest, or they are an art major.

My biggest problem with this is, what ever happened to good old fashioned questions? You meet someone in your class, you start talking, you ask what they are majoring in, perhaps you escalate to the level of where are you from. This is the old fashioned way of meeting people! what ever happened to that? Then the question is raised, is this God's way of introducing people? Or is it something satan contribed so that we become even lasier than we already are?

I'll admit, i'm on the facebook. I could have rebelled and not gone on it, not written anything in my profile, or not put a picture up. so i succame to all the pressure of the technology. I'm ashamed to say that i'm meeting people through it too. I think the difference is, i think its dumb, and funny that people have started to use it as a crutch. I laugh at the stupidity of southwest wisconsinites. i mean seriously, the facebook is so two years ago.

When Harry met Bri...

"Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount." Oh Billy Crystal, you zainy character, you. This is a quote from the beloved movie When Harry Met Sally. Most men would descirbe this as a mojor chick flick. Which, i'd have to agree is. But in the movie, Harry proposes an interesting theory. Men and women can't be friends. Is this true? Are men and women destined to be frenemies for the rest of their existence?

Now, i would never base anything on something that Billy Crystal said, but his thinking is that sex gets in the way. Not necessarily the act of sex, but the thought of sex, the lust, the idea of something more than plutonic. So before i formed a decision about this, i had to ask myself, have i had any relationships where i have been completely friend oriented? I haven't found an answer to that yet. Does this include the men that i don't find attractive? Because even in that situation, you think about the sex factor and decide whether or not you can be friends. Most times in this situation, you can be friends, and that's what you end up doing.

Then we have to think about, even if WE are not thinking about lust and sex, the other half could be thinking about it. the Kinsey Institute has done a study on men and women. They found that 54% of men think about sex everyday or several times a day, 43% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 4% less than once a month. And similarly, 19% of women think about sex everyday or several times a day, 67% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 14% less than once a month. So even if you aren't thinking about it, the other person might be and ultimately ruins the relationship.

What does all this boil down to? It seems that our society is a sexual society, and God made us sexual beings. Does this mean that inter-gender relationships are doomed? Not necessarily. My thinking is, yes, you can think about your guy friend for a second about whether or not you find him attractive. If you don't, and still want to be friends, well then, you've done it. However, if you do think your leading male friend is attractive then the friendship may perhaps be ruined. I think in my book, the jury might still be out, i'm not sure if this theory is true, but i do know, that I have guy friends...So that's good news.

Here's the plan:

So I've decided that I'm going to write this blog as a weekly column. I enjoy reading my brother's column in the fabulous Jordan Independant, so I've decided to take matters into my own hands and create a weekly column. I'll start out this week with a mind-boggling, question-raising topic.

There are approximately 147.8 females in the United States. 54% of these women are labeled as unmarried and single. What does this mean? The majority of those 54% have a set core of friends that they regularly spend time with, as to create some sort of company. The real question is, what percent of these women have female friends?

In my 20 some odd years of existence, I have battled my way through the lines to get to a decent female friend. I lucked out in the search because I have my sister as one of my best friends, and also, my best friend Jaime and my best friend Meredith. However, at this stage in my life I feel that to my chagrin, I am at a loss of women friends. Those near and dear are far from reach for the time being. So I'm on the prowl, back in the front line with guns a-blazzin'!

It has been brought to my attention that I am the type of girl that others hate. I can relate well to guys, I can talk with ease to the opposite gender. To me, its like riding a bike - nothing new to the concept of guys, just a different frame. Why is it easier to get along with guys than girls? Who knows, and frankly, I don't want to find out. But the reason for the topic is, that I would like to have a network of girl friends. I want to be "one of the girls." I want to wear nail polish and mascara with ease and not have a second thought about it.

how do we achieve that state? I was told to just do it, dive into the girlish abyss of skirts and pink shirts. This thought has been beating in my brain for the last few days at the idea of a "girls night." One such specimen came up to me and asked, "what do you think we should to at our girls night? Maybe we should just get all dolled up and go out to eat then come back and have girl time. Or maybe we should get some facial supplies and do each others make-up." Frankly it made me want to throw-up.

Maybe I'm not ready for this big of a commitment. I think for the time being I'll stick to my old ways of being punk and wearing grey. It matches everything and if it gets dirty, who will ever know? Is that a guy thing to say? Ah well, I like this side, its a clear view of both, and I know right where I am.

Ride 'Em Cowboy!

So, i rode a mechanical bull yesterday. it was pretty sweet. And i must say, if i were ever a cowboy, i'd rock your face off. Cause i'm the illest cowgirl there ever was.

Punt, Pass, and Date?

I've been thinking, can you "pass" on a relationship due to musical differences? Say a girl is really into country, and its the only thing she listens to, and then guy loves punk rock. If they met, and were perfect together, besides this one thing, is there reason to say, hey, you are an awful person because you listen to country, i can't date you?

Or can you "pass" on dating if they aren't really into movies, but you are? Are these things important enough to determine our fate? Or how do we determine what is so important in a match? Blonde/brunette, smoker/athlete, christian/mormon, burping/farting?

I'm over clemping....this is my topic to discuss....discuss amongst the blog....

I love my job.

I work at the PFAC. Also known as the Platteville Family Aquatic Center. I'm a lifeguard (second year). And well, the job consists of making sure people don't die and people watching. Which the later is my favorite aspect of the job. Not to mention the stellar tan. But here are a few reasons why I love working at the PFAC.

1. A group of boys the other day were pretending to dunk themselves by grabbing the back of their heads and forcing it under water. They would each blame each other for the dunking. Excect one boy. He was doing the dunking too, except he would shout out things like, "Mrs. Smith (one of the other's mother i'm assuming) stop banging me." "Help. Barbara Streisand is on my shoulders." "Its like Patch Adams, look beyond." Why? Who knows.

2. A woman lays in front of the pool doors and awaits its opening. Why stand when you can lay? She was wearing acid washed, high wasted, tapered jeans with a grey and pink faded sweatshirt that ran over the shoulders. She had a brownish/orange pair of sun glasses that took over her face, and a hat that had the bill as straight as an arrow. Instead of waiting for the pool to open so she can swim, this woman sets up camp next to the deep end to watch the diving boards. Why? Who knows.

3. The group homies grope the 12 and 13 year old girls and ask what PDA is. Then they move onto adjusting their tracking ankle braclets so they can do flips on the diving board. Why? Who knows.

These are just some reasons why the PFAC is the best place to work. Granted to some, they may seem like you'd want to leave that area immeditaly for fear of life, but no, its just the pool rats and their fun ways of being creepy. Ahhh, the PFAC.

Open mouth, and enter foot.

Open mouth, and enter foot.

Sometimes i put my foot in my mouth. maybe some of you have experienced this too, but when you know you're talking to someone that its kind of important that you're talking, you end up putting your foot in your mouth (figureatively). I mean, you can't find the right words to say, and you aren't allowing yourself to think because your emotions or something else gets in the way. Well, recently this has happened to me.

I came to the moment that i had thought about for a long time. this whole summer i've prayed to receive the words to say at this very moment, and prayed that when the moment comes God would speak to me and help me get out what i needed to say. However, when this moment came, i was numb, dumbfounded, and i'm sure i said the wrong things. I just wish i could take it back, write down what i really wanted to say, and then let the spirit work through me to help the other person understand.

So what does this say about the timing? Was the timing not right? Did I mince words because it wasn't in God's timing, it was on my own? Should i have said anything in the first place? Did i pray about it enough. I mean, i can't go back - what's said is said, and what's done is done, but i just wish i could explain myself more. Ah well....perhaps its for the best this time around. Perhaps we all need to put our feet in the our mouths just so someday we can know when not to.

C'est la vie.

I'm New!

This week was a stellar week! I had so many blessings it was great! i got my teeth fixed, which someday soon i will have a picture on of my new chompers, but also, i got a new computer! i got an apple ibook G4. yes, that means i'm better than you. Well, not really, but that's what my brother would say. :] But seriously folks, i got a brand spanking new computer, which means that you have to email me, write on my blog, and do a whole lot more, because i'm going to! Oh, that also means that i got a free, yes FREE, ipod mini, which is also extremely stellar. So, i'm now better than you for real.

Oh, also, we almost got to see Tiffany at the Mall of America. But it turns out that it was a fashion show instead of an 80's icon concert revistited. Darn.

Oh, and soon enough we'll get a deep blog...i'm not feeling too deep this summer, but soon enough i will. And thanks for having conversations on my blog. i enjoy reading them, and it seems i'm not the only blog that gets conversations, sam, john, evan, brandon and spots...what a family.

Let me hear it!

If anyone who reads this, AKA spot and Brandon and maybe Sam, i need ideas! Brandon smells like....?? I write a weekly column on our refridgerator that says Brandon smells like ( ). This week, its WOOT! So if you have any ideas, let me know!!

And for the man who has internet all the time, and decides to use it as his TV, i'm updating...happy?

dun, Dun, DUN!

Its coming!! The end is fast approaching! The end of my time at Winona, that is...its getting kind of sad. Please don't think that this is the very end though...i still want to talk to you if i do now, okay? Yeah, that means leave me contact info...cause i want to hear from you! Okay, enough of that...

SCHOOLS ALMOST OUT! WISCONSIN HERE I COME!!!!!!!

Sometimes...

Sometimes life isn't as you'd like it. Its hard to get by the fact that its not going to go your way all the time. Sometimes you'd rather just crawl into a small box, seal it up, and ship it out. That way, you'd be away from everything you're fed up with, and you'd most likely be passed out from lack of oxygen so you wouldn't have to think about all the stupid stuff.

But life doesn't like sealed boxes and neither do most people. You can't hide from the things that hurt you; you can't disappear from the things you're scared of; and you can't get angry at the things you don't have control over.

When those times come...the ones when all you want to do is scream off a big hill into an abyss, when you just want to run and never stop, when the only that keeps you from telling that perfect person the things you've been meaning to all along, is the fear of rejection...we have to remember -- we're just human, and things happen. Your voice will diminish, your legs will give out, and your fear will take over so you never say anything at all.

My advice...take it as it is...life sucks sometimes, but that's no reason to give into the sometimes and whenevers...give life your best, and that's all you can hope for in return.

Drunken Goose Syndrome

I was running the other morning, taking my usual route around the lakes and I spotted a goose walking down the water's edge. He seemed a little bit tipsy, and i found it really humorous. So i got to thinking about this goose and its intoxication. Why does a goose need to be drunk anyway? Here's some of my thoughts...

Geese feel the need to mate as all of God's creatures feel the need to in the spring of the year. Only this time around, he's feeling lonely. No female goose has caught his eye. Likewise, he, sadly, hasn't caught any female goose's eye. So how does a goose ease the pain?? How else...drink himself away! Then he takes the lonely walk down the water's edge to the smelly part of the lake...so no one sees his pain.

I think i have drunken goose syndrome. Walking the edge feeling lonely...scurring off to the undesired side as to hide my pain. Ah, spring...

True story!

Okay, so this is a true story:

My friend Dave and I were studying calc in the hallway, and this girl came up from the steps and totally wiped out by tripping on the carpet! I had to bite my cheek and talk in order to stop the laughter. Then to add to it, she walked the lonely walk of shame past us instead of saving her dignity and turning around to go a different way. Props to her for not caring i guess...but yeah, woooo, i love a good laugh!

Also, can i just say that i love spring!

Jaime...this ones to you..."let's never fight again, shant we?" (or something of that sorts)

Chocolate Covered Life

It seems like everything is chocolate covered in this life. Its never just the chocolate. Sometimes life feels like you're eating a chocolate covered raisin. You start to eat it, and then you start to chew it, and like the candy-coated outside, but as soon as you hit that raisin...BAM! Your face goes sour. The candy you once had is now spoiled and ruined.

Sometimes relationships seem like that, when it really should be the opposite...you love just hanging out, chewing on chocolate, but as soon as you hit a spot where you're bored, or its hard, or you are being tested and tried (hit the raisin), we just spit it out. Stop eating, and continue onto the next chocolate covered morsel. But who's to say that what's inside isn't so bad? Who's to say that things won't work out? Who decides whether you fight to keep it and stick it out, or give up as soon as you get bored. Life's not like that. When you meet someone and get past the chocolate, it takes work, but if its worth working on, then we have to strive to perservere, learn to appreciate that raisins are good for you!

But then again...maybe its for the best...maybe it would be hard on you...maybe it would take some work...and if you're not up to it then, well, i can't chew for the both of us.

<>< Bri

Whoa Nelly!

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL!

So i didn't go home for Easter. First Easter away from my family. It was strange and lonely. I think its better to be with people you love and love you back on such an amazing day! But it just so happens that my car needs to last throughout my college days, so we're saving her some breaths.

I received this wonderful Easter care package with great chocolate and jelly bellies, but here's the catch. I don't know who its from!! Not from my parents, not from my sister or brother, not from my grandparents, not from my friends...who can it be from?? Are you the mystery sender? If so...tell me! I want to thank you!! It made me smile (and continues to do so since i don't know who its from!).

Side note - i only have about one more month here in Winona until i depart for good....just thuoght i'd remind myself since i don't do that enough.

Alright, i'm out yo!

<>< Bri

P.S. There's a full moon and i've got a craving for salsa...anyone with me?

Simply Beautiful...

I was walking back today from my cancelled class when i was thinking about all the beauty in the simple things. Last night i did a bulletin board about "natural highs," which probably now means that all my girls think i'm a stoner, even though i'm not. But when i was making it, i was reading the things that were mentioned like catching a glance from a cute stranger, taking a hot shower, hearing a good song on the radio, etc...Immediatly when i read them i was like...dang yo, those are some good times!

So back to my walk. I was walking and thinking about life and this strange time in mine...and i got to thinking about the bulletin board, the fact that it was sunny out and the simple things in my life. How we never (or hardly ever) look at the simple things. We may see them or know that they are there, but we never LOOK at them.

What kinds of things am i talking about? Things that make you feel good inside just because they are small and simple, but so beautiful...here are some examples:

* A mom singing a song to her little girl in the stroller as the mom drops the little girl off at day care so Mom can go to classes.

* Seeing a train car pass you by with the word "irate" on it, and realizing that the world is a tough place for a lot of people.

* Noticing that there is a dance studio of serious ballet dancers right across from your window and appreciating the dedication those people give, and how hard they work at it.

* Having a friend that understands and shares the fact that you may just need company and so you can sit in silence and be with each other.

* Having someone say that they could never be disappointed in you, even if you kind of already knew...

* Having your best friend say, "can you call because i want to hear your voice?"

*Taking a nap after eating lunch and having the sun beam down on you so you're nice and warm.

* Having someone notice that your away message isn't the same old one...its actually a little down this time around.

* Having someone tell you they miss you and wished it was back to a time when you were together.

Those are just some examples. Do you guys have any ones? Things that just make you smile, but you take for granted sometimes? This blog goes out to Nate...he's a pretty cool cat :) Hope you enjoy the beauty in the simple things!

Ahhh, fruit snacks....

Do you remember those sharks and dinosaur fruit snacks from Aldi's? They are the best kind of fruit snack. They are fruity, yet CAN be pulled apart (unlike the strawberry and cherry ones that stay all rubbery in the gut). Anyway, they are my all-time favorite snack! Walmart has these smiley faced ones on sale right now, and let me tell you...they are quite the gems!

Do any of you sort your fruit snacks by color? Oh, that's right, no one responds to MY blog...john and Brandon's are the hot topic these days....Thanks a lot guys!!

The inevitable fall...

When i was younger and first learning how to ride my bike, i was scared. It might have been the most scared i have ever been in my life, without ever knowing it. I can remember the day clearly. It was cloudy and the parking lot to the armory behind my house was empty. It was warm, but not hot. My dad took me out to learn on our little yellow and black bike. It was the same bike that my brother and sister learned on, so i knew it worked. This was the first time that i was going to ride without the training wheels. We started out at the top of the hill. It was either downhill or up hill. Downhill seemed the best way to actually get moving (which is true most of the time in life, you have to go down before you go up). So my dad is hanging onto my seat and i, being five and scared for my life, am begging him to not let go, sobbing and trying to wipe the tears away so if by chance he does let go, i'll be able to see. We start moving, my dad moving right along side of me, I'm peddling and then it comes -- He lets go. I can feel the warm breeze through my pig tails and overalls and i finally feel it. The feeling of flying into the unknown, scared as all get out, but trying so hard to make it, make it to the end of the hill so i can place my feet on the ground and say that i did it.

But like most little kids who are just learning, about half the way down, i fell. The bike tipped and pulled me down with it. I landed on my knee and elbow trying to catch myself before the inevitable fall. Not a surprise to my dad, someone who has already taken the fall and gotten back up. The thing i remember the most was feeling defeated. Feeling numb to the fact that i was never going to learn how to ride a bike because i had fallen. Fallen hard.

Life is funny like that. God has a sense of humor, in that everything you do is preparing you and easing you into the next thing. What if i would have made it all the way down that hill the first time i tried? I wouldnt have learned to get back up again, i would have felt invincible. Lately it seems like i find a good thing or something good happens and then two more bad things come into play, or the good gets taken away. I do not doubt for a minute that God is the best teacher ever, but his lessons are hard. I meet someone, God replies saying, "He is a good man, but now's not the time." I catch a break in schoolwork and classes, God replies, "Trust in me and then feel safe, but until then i need you to keep trusting and working in me."

How do we get through these times...these falls? We get back up, simple as that. Trust that the reason you fell is even more important than how. God will explain later..."This is the right guy, but i need you to be patient and see that i have saved him for you, and you need to be friends and hang on," "This schooling will provide for you when you're done putting in your time, but now i need you to keep your head above water and keep swimming until you can touch."

The inevitable fall brings about the inevitable getting up. We just have to trust that when He lets go, you will make it...

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit...this is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit..." 

I DO! SO?

I enjoy the occasional rap song...the rare country tune...but if i had my way everyday in the world of music, it would consist of a plethora of good music. It would involve the following bands:

-The Beatles
-The Who
-Led Zepelin
-The Steve Miller Band (in their hay day)
-Simon and Garfunkle (sp?)
-James Taylor
-The Carpenters
-Relient K
-FM Static
-Jimmy Eat World
-The Shins
-Fountains of Wayne
-Jet
-Cake
-The Strokes
-Pedro the Lion
-Rilo Kiley
-Howie Day
-Damien Rice
-Death Cab for Cutie
-Copeland
-The Wallflowers
-Something Corporate
-Fall Out Boy
-Guster
-Jason Mraz
-Story of the Year
-Switchfoot
-Yellowcard
-The Starting Line
-The Format
-The Flamming Lips
-Tegan and Sara
and last but not least
-Phantom Planet

This is quite the list and it certainly doesn't include all bands and songs that i enjoy. This is just the bands that came to mind today at this very moment. And even though it is a make-shift list...it does the world of music justice! Wouldn't you enjoy music like this?

You might be thinking..."None of this is the same genre of music." Well Duh. Its good to have many influences in music, i mean if you just listened to the same thing all the time, then what fun would it be to sing along to songs with your friends that they enjoy, but you don't? I have to admit, most of my music tastes have come from these wise people:

-My Brother, Brandon "the intelligent" Otte
-My Best Friend, Jaime "the beautiful" Bodden
-My Parents, "Ma and Pa" Otte
-Myself, yeah, that's right

However, i'm open to any new stuff...not gonna say i'll enjoy it as much as these bands, but i'll give it a try. If you have varied opinions of this and want me to hear your music...send a CD and we'll see...Care to make a wager? Or if you agree on my tastes and want to make a CD for yourself and just burn all of these bands on one CD and make an extra, you can send that to me too :) Alright, that's my view...I'm out.

<>< Bri