Expectations

I used to hate it when my parents would get upset after one of my shenanigans. The feeling of disappointment was the worst because you knew there was part of your innocence lost that you could never get back. They would ALWAYS remember what happened and how you, their precious kiddo disobeyed. I never really understood when it was pure frustration or disappointment coming - what was the difference?

I think I have recently figured out what the difference was. When you invest yourself in something or someone, you start to build expectations of what will happen. With teenagers you invest your whole self to try to help them to be someone worth being proud of. There are parts of you as a parent that fully expect that they will turn out okay. The pure anger comes when it is something that was just stupid and you know they are going to make mistakes no matter what. They are, after all, only teenagers that still have a lot of growing to do. The disappointment comes from the breaking of an expectation. You have it in your mind that you have done enough that they will at least be decent in ONE area, but then when they fail, you feel disappointed.

Maybe its partly disappointed in yourself that you didn't do more, but I think its more of a feeling like they aren't who you thought they were. Who is this stranger that could do such a thing? What more do they need in order to "get it?"

I don't have kids (yet), but I have recently experienced this with family. Did they really do that? After all that I've done? Did they really say that? Do they not care about anybody but themselves? What is this strange disappointing feeling coming over me? Will I ever forget that this happened?

Lucky for us God didn't act this way. He knew that we would mess up, and mess up BIG! He still loves us even though we are the kings and queens of disobedient acts. He still gave us eternal life through his son despite our ineptness. Do we take that for granted? You betcha! Should we strive never to disappoint God again? You betcha! Is he an amazing God of grace? You betcha!

So as I'm frustrated to no end about what happened, it is important for me to remember that God accepts us back. He may shake his head for a second, but then he opens his arms and says, let's try that again... I am going to work hard to be more like that.