I just don't even know...

So here's the thing. I haven't done an analogy in a while. So we're going to try it again. This one goes out to all the musicians out there!

Strum...strum...strum...goes my fingers on the guitar. I am playing the instrument that i love! It is my outlet and my joy. I love every facet of this instrument. Its ability to compose music, to create a surreality and a sense of soul that only comes from being connected to God and the guitar. I love every beat it makes, its ability to keep the steps of my path, the way it can sound so different than anything ever heard before. As i move up and down the strings, i go to the G chord. Its my chord of choice. One that i have loved since i have begun playing. As i keep going back to that chord, i begin to form caluses. Caluses so thick i can't feel a thing. I don't see that maybe playing this chord so much has began to make my fingers bleed. But i can't feel it. I'm numb. Then i decide to learn a new chord, its an open chord, so as not to hurt myself. The caluses go away or peel off. I can feel again. Then i start to miss that old G chord and start to play it again. The caluses return, only this time they are harder and hurt more. I am now starting to realize that maybe the G chord isnt the best chord, and maybe i should learn a new one. So i keep up this cycle of playing and hurting, until i finally learn that new chord -- the open one with no possible threats. The caluses disappear for good and i'm healed.

Where does that leave me now? Without caluses and always having that G chord missing. Sometimes i wonder what would have happened had i stayed with the G chord? Would the hurting eventually go away? I guess i'll never know. Maybe this one part of the guitar was not meant to be the ruler of all the other parts.

So you may again ask what the heck is she talking about? Here's what i can say: There is something or someone in my past that i never quite finished with. I never got to the point where i felt like i can have closure. I never felt like i could just up and leave and just stop. What if i should have still followed my heart that way? And even now, can i really be over this point in my life? *sigh* i'm going back home this weekend...for one night, and i just don't want to bring back that confusion in my life, but its already back i guess...i'm thinking about it already and its only tuesday.

This has nothing to do with Winona, and mostly to do with Platteville. Those who read this, mostly Brandon, Jaime and Renata, you'll understand...but for others...just take it as life is hard to get over, and sometimes caluses are good...but when they are gone...it is most times better. So be thankful i guess that your caluses are gone.

Hope you all have a good rest of the week!

<>< Brini