Life in the Burg

Curious Curiosity

2011-11-20T21:25:00.002-06:00

I've been watching Jonah and his curiosity the last week or so. He is so interested in everything. Sometimes it is a toy. Sometimes it is a cat walking across the dining room floor. Sometimes it is the construction area in the back of our house. His curiosity takes him ALL OVER. The places where the safety is question I've been trying to teach him "no" or "icky" when he reaches for things that are not good. His curiosity spikes and he tests my authority. What will mommy do if I reach ONE more time. What will she do if I get close to it, but not touch it.

So I've been thinking... where has my curiosity taken me over the years? Have I had safe curiosity or have I been careless and risked things in order to just know? Curiosity is not a bad, thing, but there are times when it is not a good thing (especially for cats).

As I go on teaching Jonah things, I am going to try to keep in mind his curious curiosity. He is only exploring and it is my job to teach him that some things are dangerous and it is also my job to help him stay curious and explore things that are good for him. Isn't curiosity curious? :)

Sturggle

2011-11-09T21:13:00.003-06:00

Today I spelled the word "struggle" as "sturggle" and it made me think of what this word means - clearly I even struggle with spelling! But really, what does it mean?

I like to have pity parties for myself every once and a while. If you ask Simeon, he would correct me and say, "all the time." I really feel like I struggle with many areas of my life - my faith and consistency in it, my wife-dom and its DAILY duties, my ability to do some tough love so that Jonah knows what the word no means, my weight and how I feel about my body, my friendships and how strong I think they are... Do I need to keep going, because I can!

EVERYONE struggles with something. The song "Someone worth Dying For" comes to mind. "You might be the wife, waiting up at night. You might be the man, struggling to provide. Feeling like its hopeless." Which somedays I do feel like its hopeless. Why do we feel hopeless?

So I looked it up. Struggle: Make forceful or violent efforts to get free of restraint or constriction. Wow. Yes. We are fighting against the evil of the world and the impressions it puts upon us. "You need to have it all together." "You need to have enough money for nice things." "You need to be the center of a friendship circle." We are making a FORCEFUL effort to break free from the constraints of the world. Of course we feel hopeless - its a HUGE task.

So, even though we feel hopeless, we certainly are NOT hopeless. We should be hopeful. We are "someone worth dying for" and that speaks VOLUMES. WE are important. WE are special. WE are doing a good job. WE are loved.

So next time you feel like your struggling, maybe you should "sturggle" and break free from the "struggles" of you fight. Win one for Him - become hopeful.

For the love of...

2011-09-27T20:51:00.002-05:00

School started. Hence the reason I do not blog as much any more. It is hard for me to explain how busy and crazy life is with a kid, a husband, and a job away from home. Imagine, you are making supper and every beeper is going off - the microwave is done, the pot on the stove is overflowing, the dish in the oven is done and the timer keeps beeping, and beeping, and BEEPING! Where do you even begin?

On one hand, I feel the most productive I have ever been. I eat lunch, pump breast milk, grade papers and reply to emails all at the same time. Super woman, you say? Yes. The productivity stops as soon as I get home from school. That's when time slows down and I get a moment or several hours with my baby and my husband. Is my house clean? No. (not in any sense of the word "clean") Do we always eat dinner before Jonah has gone to bed? No. Do I care? No. My life and time with my family is my priority.

So why do I do all this? Why do I pump, make my lunch, take a shower, do laundry and do some dishes before I go to bed EACH NIGHT?

For the love of...

Jonah
Simeon
God

In no particular order. I do it for them. I might be going crazy, but I wouldn't want it any other way. The investment now will make payments in FULL later. That's why you have kids when you're young, people!

Two for Tuesday

2011-08-02T21:23:00.002-05:00

1. Here's a quote for you today. It is in honor of Jonah eating his awesome solid food.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food. ~ Robert Orben

2. The next quote is logical to me and so I say bring on the kiddos - but not right now :)

My mom used to say it doesn't matter how many kids you have... because one kid'll take up 100% of your time so more kids can't possibly take up more than 100% of your time. ~ Karen Brown

Two for Tuesday

2011-07-26T21:02:00.002-05:00

1. Note to self: do not compare your knowledge of babies to those with multiple kiddos. You will just feel like the dumbest person there could ever be. Do I know what I'm doing? NO. Will I figure it out just like they did? YES. Thank you for listening self.

2. Next week = August. This cannot be. I will be leaving my kiddo every day to go "mold the minds of youth" every day. More like pull my hair out trying to pass on the idea of subtracting to high schoolers that cannot even add without a graphing calculator. I am NOT ready to go to school. I am ready to spend one more AWESOME month with Jonah :)

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-20T09:35:00.001-05:00

Our morning yoga pose. Just kidding... he's in mid-rollover!

Thoughtful Thursday: Feeling Full

2011-07-14T20:28:00.002-05:00

Family is the most fulfilling thing to me. A sweet kiss from my husband. A big hug from my baby boy. A word of encouragement from my parents. I could go on. They bring me SUCH joy!!

With that said, lately I've been examining my friendships beyond my family. The people on a daily basis that I fellowship with and build community with in this life. I think about how much I absolutely LOVE my family and how with friendships I desire to feel that full. That sense of belonging no matter what. When I do this, I find that some of my friendships I have now do not always feel this way. We moved to Reedsburg following God and waiting for Him to show us what he wants us to do. We desire meet a group of people that want to share God with one another and others with fun and a sense of adventure and urgency.

Lately I feel like I'm searching for this connection with other women here in Reedsburg. My mom always said that I'd find it when I had children. Well, I have a kid and I haven't found it. Now they say that its when my kids are in school. Okay. I'll be ready then. I'm not sure if its because I'm not from the area, and I haven't found others not from the area, but I feel left out of this infamous loop of women that have magically found an amazing connection. Is it me? Should I be doing or saying something else?

I know its just not God's time yet. There is a beautiful song out right now that helps me to refocus and wait for God's lead just like he did with meeting my husband, with giving us a beautiful little baby, with coming to Reedsburg. The song says,

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the achings of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?"

God's mercies are new every morning and I wait each day to find out how God will lead me that day. God had big things in store for me. That's why He gave me family to encourage me, love me and help me along my path. That is why I feel full right now and every day. Thank you Lord.

Monday Funday!

2011-07-11T21:46:00.001-05:00

Two Illinois tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they approached Oconomowoc they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. This went on until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist said to the cute blonde behind the counter "Can you settle an argument for us? Would you pronounce where we are, very slowly?"

The blonde leaned forward and said "Burrrr-gerrrr Kiiiing".

Happy laughing :)

Five-a-Day Friday

2011-07-08T15:00:00.004-05:00

Top Five Places I LOVE to Shop for Clothes (for me or my family):

5. Carters
4. Kohls
3. Target
2. Gap
1. Old Navy

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-06T14:06:00.003-05:00

Finally... the right day :)

Do you ever feel like this? On the edge just too scared to step out? True definition of a scaredy cat.

Two for Tuesday

2011-07-06T14:01:00.002-05:00

1. Why are certain words more difficult to type on a keyboard than others? I think they are different for each person. The word "quadratic" is very difficult for me to type. Maybe not a word most of you type often... but as a math teacher, I use it often. Are my fingers just slow to those keys? What is YOUR word that is hard to type??

2. Blogs vs prayer. When you type out a blog its like a prayer in that it sends your thoughts and questions out into the open. You can release some tension or hidden fears when typing away for others (or nobody) to read. So why do we do it? Prayer is much more effective. We also send out our thoughts and fears into the open for God to take and do something with. So my new goal: every time I blog - I pray first.

Monday Funday

2011-07-06T13:50:00.001-05:00

Oops. I know its Wednesday, but it was a holiday! So here's my joke, and its actually happened to me!

Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"

Thoughtful Thursday

2011-06-30T20:32:00.001-05:00

Someone once asked me what my favorite thing is about being a mom. Where do I start?? The smiles. The cuddling. The comforting. The new experiences. The BIG eyes. The funny noises. The giggles. Everything about Jonah is what I LOVE about being a mom.

Maybe the better question is what will I love best about being a mom? As in, I maybe it hasn’t happened yet. 3 John 1:4 says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” My sister told me the story of how at Easter time her eldest daughter Ella prayed with Katy and asked Jesus to live in her heart. She got to help lead her daughter to start a relationship with Jesus. I cry every time I think about this story because I cannot wait to help lead my children to start the greatest journey with Christ.

Every day with Jonah is the reason I love being a mommy. I just can’t wait to see Jonah walking in the truth. It will bring me greater joy than I have ever experienced.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-29T13:38:00.003-05:00

Two for you today. Enjoy!

There is a little doggie on his jumper saucer, and he is sometimes afraid of it. Its funny...

Jonah likes to go on runs with mommy :)

Two for Tuesday

2011-06-28T14:18:00.002-05:00

As promised:

1. Why is HGTV so addicting? Simeon absolutely hates it. To me, it is the only reason to have cable TV. When Jonah goes to bed and its a TV night, what to watch? HGTV. Why did we get cable....?

2. Parenting is not easy. I'm amazed that my sister turned out alright. I mean, she is the oldest, and the first of the kiddos. My parents had NO IDEA what they were doing when they had her. But she's awesome. So... it can't be that hard, right? I guess its a lot of communication with the spouse, on the spot thinking and PRAYER! Goodness... Jonah's gonna have some FUN stories to tell when he's older :)

Monday Funday!

2011-06-27T12:04:00.001-05:00

Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.

Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.

The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps

After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.

Five-a-day Friday!

2011-06-24T21:14:00.002-05:00

I know, I know... I missed Thursday. Thursday will be "Thoughtful Thursday", but I didn't have time to be thoughtful yesterday, so I will do better next week.

Onto Friday! On Fridays, I will list a top five of a category in a ranked order (like Letterman's). Today's top five: Top five Disney movies (in my opinion) from least favorite (still good) to favorite!

5. Emperors New Groove
4. Beauty and the Beast
3. Lion King
2. Little Mermaid
1. Sleeping Beauty

What are your favorites?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-22T11:47:00.004-05:00

A friend does this on her blog, and I thought it was neat. Just a picture or pictures to tell the story of your day. LOVE IT!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

Two for Tuesday

2011-06-22T11:40:00.002-05:00

Although it is Wednesday, I'm going to catch up on my Tuesday blog. It is going to be two thoughts, quotes, random ideas, questions, etc. for you to ponder on a Tuesday. So here we go:

1. My NEXT dream travel destination would be: Hawaii. Its gorgeous, its warm, its interesting, its got things to do and its within reasonable budget (not ours mind you, but it could be a reachable goal).

2. I have never died my hair. But... I have found grey hairs. When is the golden time to start? I like not dying it. How long do you think I can last??

Monday Funday

2011-06-20T22:05:00.001-05:00

I'm going to try to update my blog more each day this summer. Its my summer goal and project. I've been inspired by some of your blogs :) So Monday is a fun day = jokes! So here is the joke I found today:

Two women were arguing about which of their dogs was the smartest.

“My dog is so smart,” the first woman said, “that every morning he waits for the paperboy to arrive, and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me in bed.”

The second woman replied, “I know. My dog told me.”

Enjoy the laugh, we'll see what becomes of Tuesday's post!

Who's got the hype?

2011-06-09T20:33:00.002-05:00

Before having Jonah there was a lot to think about. Breast-feed or not breast-feed. Pacifier or no pacifier. How long to sleep in our bedroom. How much weight to lose. I thought to myself, "I can't wait until I have my little darling in my arms and things will ease up." I absolutely LOVE my little boy with all my heart! He's four months old, and things still haven't eased up, the pressures are greater than ever!

So here's my question: Who's got the hype? Is it our culture that infiltrates these ideas of inadequacy and motherhood into our psyche, or is it ourselves? Who's doing this to us? It would be nice to blame it on someone or something else. "Well, the women at church pressure me into staying home." "You know, it really is the best thing to make your own baby food, and if you don't then you're not doing all you can for your baby." "A happy and thin mommy is a good mommy."

To some degree this is true. Society does like to give its opinions on what is the right way to do things. There are people out there that like to impose their experiences on you as if they are the only way to do things. It makes it easy to blame them for yourself pity parties.

But here's another take: You trust that God takes care of you, so you shouldn't worry. So why do we fret over these petty little things? God blesses us daily with strength and courage to do the things we must. So we do what we must with thanks and praise. Not keeping it to ourselves.

10 to 15 percent of new moms have postpartum depression. To me this is astonishing. Having a baby is one of the most wonderful things you can experience in your lifetime. It should fill you with joy to see your baby happy and healthy and full of life. So why are 1 in 10 women struggling with depression?

I believe it is the hype and pressures of motherhood. We all want to be the perfect mother. cloth diapers, home-made baby food, staying at home. In my opinion, what makes a mother closer to perfection is to show Christ's love to her children so that her children feel loved and someday build a relationship with Christ. that is what builds a perfect mother. Breast-feeding? Give your children the Lord and you give them the world.

So next time you feel like sharing your opinion, share Christ instead and see how it works out.

Try a Little Tenderness

2011-01-31T20:19:00.002-06:00

One thing I've learned over the years is that people want to be heard. They want to feel like someone is listening and offering a little "tenderness" towards the situation. This is very true in teaching. I've found that most high school students just want to know that what they are saying and going through is understood.

Now, you can hear them, and "understand" them, but it does not justify their behavior. That is the key, and also the hard part of the whole situation. You understand what they are going through, but it does not make it okay for them to act the way they do. I often have to remind myself of that while teaching. It is easy to get caught in "understanding" them, but hard to go against them to help them. It is for the better, and you know that - they will get over it. If they don't, then there is still more learning to do on their part, and someday it will sink in.

I'm looking at teaching differently these days. Parenting is becoming a reality and its hard to look at those situations at school differently when you are going to have a kid.

20 more days until little VZ is here - can't wait!!

Under Pressure

2010-12-29T08:39:00.002-06:00

Pregnancy is a blessing - and don't let anyone tell you differently! To form a life inside you and feel the little person moving inside is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I will not ask to trade it for anything. Along side the joys and blessings resides this underlying pressure that comes with being pregnant. My question is... was it always like this?

To me there are two different pressures that come along with having a baby: Not gaining weight and what to do about working after the baby. These are not given pressures of pregnancy, but pressures that, believe it or not, come from other mothers.

Number one thing I've heard since being pregnant revolves around the amount of weight gained during pregnancy. Whether it is from other women who say, "that's the number one thing I'm worried about when I'm pregnant," or moms who have had babies that say either, "You know... you're only supposed to eat an extra 200 calories each day," or "I got up to 200 pounds and never lost the weight." The question is this: How is your little bundle of joy? Isn't it wonderful loving someone so much it hurts? What was the best thing about squeezing your little one for the first time?

I am not a skinny woman. I will never be a skinny woman. And it is my firm belief that pregnancy is about the gift that God has given you to become a MOMMY to someone else and teach this little creature to love and fear the Lord - NOT about how I look. As I sit here and write this I am crying about how awful other woman have made me feel. My time being pregnant has been taken up by worrying about what other woman perceive me to be. Fat? Probably. But what I want my time to be taken up with is the joy of knowing that I will have child to call my own after all the pregnancy part is said and done.

So what to make of this? Well, I'm over 8 months pregnant and I want to focus on the birth of my baby. I'm SO EXCITED to become a mommy. No one should take that away from me. So to all those women out there that have EVER said anything about weight during pregnancy: SHAME ON YOU. And you have troubled my thoughts with feelings of inadequacy. You ruin the experience and joy of caring a life inside you for other women out there and you are just down right SELFISH.

Whew. Its good to get that off my chest.

The second pressure that creeps up on women who are pregnant is the question of what to do about your job after you have your baby. I have been a teacher for 3 years now, and love it. There are days and sometimes even years that are not the easiest. But when you make a connection with a student and give them the confidence to try something and learn new things it is on of the best feelings in the world. I can only imagine the joy of feeling that over a lifetime of teaching your own child. The hard part is - what if financially you are not really capable of having one solitary income?

I've asked a few women in my life what to do when next year rolls around. The major female influences in my life say stay home. My friends (women in the same type of situation as me), are encouraging and let me know that if I have to work, God will bless my kiddo no matter what.

Maybe its only an issue because I am supposed to stay home and the world is pressuring me to work. I don't know. One thing I do know is that God is working in me to do the right thing for our family - and he knows what is best for EVERY family. It is somewhat hard to hear the critics, but God is ultimately the one who knows what to do, and will bless us if we follow him.

I don't write this to get sympathy. I don't write this to really point fingers or make an excuse for my thoughts. I write this to clear my head and really reveal to (probably no one) my fears and struggles. I hope that other women out there who are expecting are overjoyed at what is to come - minus all the pressures. I know I cannot wait until that little baby gets here!

Time, who side is it on anyway?

2010-09-06T16:30:00.002-05:00

One of my MANY faults is that I really am a procrastinator. I think this skill developed in college when I spent time with friends and Simeon rather that working hard on projects and things. Don't get me wrong I am a hard worker, but its usually in the eleventh hour and I am stressed beyond belief.

School has started and every year I try to make a goal of something I change from the previous year to this year so that I become a better teacher. This year my goal is to become less of a procrastinator with planning (obviously since I just talked about it). I have to say that it is a weird kind of non-procrastination that I've started, but it isn't as inefficient as I was last year. So far so good.

HOWEVER... today is labor day and I don't want to work on school at all! Here's the moment where goals can either become a reality or a big joke. What to do, what to do. Well, instead of doing work I'm writing a blog. In a few minutes instead of doing work I'm going to make some really good chili. Like I said, its not a BAD system - I'm getting stuff done, but is it what I should be getting done?

Well, wish me luck after supper - I am going to attempt to do my work. I'll let you know how it goes!

Expectations

2010-08-18T09:13:00.002-05:00

I used to hate it when my parents would get upset after one of my shenanigans. The feeling of disappointment was the worst because you knew there was part of your innocence lost that you could never get back. They would ALWAYS remember what happened and how you, their precious kiddo disobeyed. I never really understood when it was pure frustration or disappointment coming - what was the difference?

I think I have recently figured out what the difference was. When you invest yourself in something or someone, you start to build expectations of what will happen. With teenagers you invest your whole self to try to help them to be someone worth being proud of. There are parts of you as a parent that fully expect that they will turn out okay. The pure anger comes when it is something that was just stupid and you know they are going to make mistakes no matter what. They are, after all, only teenagers that still have a lot of growing to do. The disappointment comes from the breaking of an expectation. You have it in your mind that you have done enough that they will at least be decent in ONE area, but then when they fail, you feel disappointed.

Maybe its partly disappointed in yourself that you didn't do more, but I think its more of a feeling like they aren't who you thought they were. Who is this stranger that could do such a thing? What more do they need in order to "get it?"

I don't have kids (yet), but I have recently experienced this with family. Did they really do that? After all that I've done? Did they really say that? Do they not care about anybody but themselves? What is this strange disappointing feeling coming over me? Will I ever forget that this happened?

Lucky for us God didn't act this way. He knew that we would mess up, and mess up BIG! He still loves us even though we are the kings and queens of disobedient acts. He still gave us eternal life through his son despite our ineptness. Do we take that for granted? You betcha! Should we strive never to disappoint God again? You betcha! Is he an amazing God of grace? You betcha!

So as I'm frustrated to no end about what happened, it is important for me to remember that God accepts us back. He may shake his head for a second, but then he opens his arms and says, let's try that again... I am going to work hard to be more like that.

Lip Smackin'

2010-08-09T13:19:00.003-05:00

I don't know if you have ever really thought about it before, but Simeon and I just discovered this last night. We were trying to get our kitties attention, and I did the most natural thing I could and puckered my lips and smacked them to get their attention. You all know what I'm talking about. It's the little noise that you make when calling an animal... Anyway, Simeon could not do it!

Astonished as I was, I proceeded to teach him how to smack his lips like a kiss. Then it begged the question - what happens when you kiss? Are you a silent pecking type? Do you go for the gross wet lip lock? Or are you a tasteful smacker? I, Bri VandeZande, am a tasteful smacker. I like to hear the sound of a kiss. Simeon, if it was up to him is a silent smoocher. I'm not sure if it is even possible to make a sound when kissed by him UNLESS you do the smacking.

So this is my question for all of you - Are you a smacker? Or are you a silent smoocher? Think about it next time you give that special someone a kiss ;)

... and then let me know so I'm not the only smacker!!

Vacation from a vacation?

2010-07-28T13:58:00.002-05:00

So many people say they need a vacation from their vacation. Why? The purpose of a vacation is to relax and enjoy a different view. If you truly need a time of rest from your vacation, then maybe the first one wasn't really a "vacation." I can understand if you did physical exercise the entire time, or if you need a nap from the jet lag, but really, a whole extra vacation?

Anyway, we just went on a vacation and it was awesome! We spent the first day at Mt Saint Helens, which was amazing. Its hard to believe that it just happened 30 years ago, and hard to believe that it wasn't more catastrophic. The second day we drove down the coast of Oregon. Now, I've seen the coast only once before in San Diego and it was cool there, but NOTHING compared to the Oregon coast! I am willing to see the Washington coast and the northern California coast, but so far Oregon is winning in this race. The third day we drove through some mountains to get to Cave Junction, OR, which is a cute little city. The rest of the time was spent with Simeon's extended family at his grandma's house. It was FUN! We also got to explore a huge cave in the mountains too. I was scared, but I totally did it!

Anyway - cool week and I don't need a vacation from my awesome one. I hope that all of you enjoy your vacation enough to not need another one. Enjoy the time God gave you and be ready for what he has in store for you next :)

Peace Out!

2010-07-16T16:24:00.003-05:00

God's peace is awesome. Can I just say? Never in my life have I ever felt so assured that I am where I'm supposed to be, I am doing what God has called me to do, and I am excited that life is going to be crazy. Weird right?

So when I first started this blog I used the analogy of life being a big swimming pool that we all are learning how to navigate. Well, I'm past the last swimming lesson and I'm just starting to try it on my own, and I have to say - its awesome! I completely trust that God is going to provide, and I know that I'm in love and loved.

So try to find the peace in God this week - get peaced out!

Gag Machine

2010-07-13T08:48:00.002-05:00

I was just thinking about our gag reflex this morning (yes, for obvious reasons), and how weird is it to have a gag reflex? I mean, God is a pretty good engineer to put us all together, but what about us told him that "well, I'd better give them something to warn them about throwing up." Not only that, but how did he design each of us to have different tolerances for the reflex. My niece used to gag at the sight of a marshmellow - I think it was the texture and the squeaky nature of the mallow. I gag when I'm hungry and REALLY need something to eat. Others gag at gross smells, others at gross sights. Its just weird, right?

By the way, I'm sorry if I made you gag just by reading this... that was not my intentions, but it is just the way your gag reflex is designed! Crazy!

Lame-o

2010-07-06T08:19:00.002-05:00

So we went out to the fireworks with friends this weekend and I kind of felt like a lame-o. We sat outside ALL day in the hot sun, and so I wanted to go for a walk to the shade. I REALLY needed to get some shade. They all walked to get some ice cream, and if we hadn't seen them, we wouldn't have gone with. Sign of being lame already? maybe...

Then we we got back from ice cream, they wanted to go to the fair part of it - more time in the hot sun, and I wanted to just sit in the shade for a few more minutes. So they all went and Simeon stayed with me. We created a little tent to sit under and chill a little bit. When they came back I felt like they didn't talk to us as much and were kind of put off by it.

Here's the real truth - I'm paranoid about it, I know. BUT - I really felt like all day they thought we (and poor Simeon stayed with me) were super boring. There were REASONS I didn't want to be in the sun, and there were REASONS I was so tired, but these are things they just can't know right now. Grrr.

Anyway, this post is a true frustration about my own insecurities and I wish I could just explain myself to everyone. Really what I fear is that I am really a lame-o. Perhaps I am... I guess no one will ever tell me, so I will just keep on thinking I'm alright with a side doubt of lame-wad-ness always with me.

Grr.

All Choked Up!

2010-06-28T09:44:00.002-05:00

Do you ever just get those moments where you get all choked up? I mean, I am a woman who feels - so of course it is bound to happen. But these moments are not tears welling out of sadness or hurting. It is usually out of joy or compassion for others, or sometimes even a moment that moves you to the core that you feel like you can't even sit still.

Well, yesterday, there was a moment such as that. Our church has been studying Galations and yesterday was the final study on it, and the whole message was the cross. The cross is the most important thing and it is the ONLY way we are saved. Paul prayed that he would boast in nothing but the cross - he prayed that he wouldn't even boast in boasting about the cross alone! After those moving reminders, we had the most moving worship session. I didn't know half the songs, but it was not the melodies that move me, it was the words.

Anywho, I really just hope you all feel moved to tears this week, and are ready to get all choked up. Its healthy - trust me.

Holy Smokes!

2010-06-11T08:20:00.003-05:00

So we have 2 kitties - whom I adore! One of them is currently backing his little hinder up to lay down on my lap. When we were looking to get a pet, we thought about a dog (both of us someday want a dog) and we thought about cats (and you almost have to have 2 cats so they have company). So last November my hubby said there was a guy at work that has free kittens! Our decision had been made! Cats are nice to take care of, and they cuddle :)

Since introducing them to our family in November we have loved every minute of having them! They are rambunctious, cuddly, friendly and sweet. How can pets give a person such a warm feeling? Its pretty awesome. So here are our kitties - as awesome as ever!!

ironic?

2010-04-02T10:54:00.003-05:00

Maybe its ironic, maybe its just plain unfair. Picture this: two women on opposite sides of the street. One, a short, fat woman is barely breathing while running - struggling beyond belief. The other, a tall, skinny woman taking a nice leisurely walk with her ipod trying to get tan. Clearly there is some sort of imbalance. There are some women that don't have to do a thing and they are they size they are. There are other women that can't do enough to reduce their size by a centimeter!

Good thing God created different roles for us. He designed us to be fat or skinny, blonde or brunette, freckled or dimpled. I feel like maybe its His way of saying, even though you are different and some struggle, some sail through, you are ALL children of mine that I love and that I sent my son to die on the cross for. He says, I want YOU (and all your qualities - good or bad) to be with me in heaven for eternity.

It makes me, the short, fat woman feel a WHOLE lot better about things :)

Feels like home

2010-03-30T13:22:00.002-05:00

There is something about a small town that just instantly feels like home. I drive into every evening with a smile on my face. There are people out walking, running, and riding bikes. There are people working on their houses, pulling in after a long days work, and people buying groceries at the store.

Yes, these are all things that you can see anywhere in the US, but when Reedsburg they are all together, in a small area it just means so much more. Beautiful landscapes - awesome. Coastal views - awesome. Live entertainment everywhere - awesome. People like me enjoying life in an area just because they are living - THE BEST!

I think that is what makes a small town the best... people don't need all sorts of entertaining things to fill their time. They don't need the mountains to feel like they are living life. If they are around people they love in a place the feels like a home, then they are full of life.

Go Small Towns!

Stuck!

2009-12-30T08:08:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I feel like we are all stuck. Stuck in a place that never sees change. We all want to change, we all want to have something new and better, but we get stuck. Three situations come to mind...

First, when we are in high school and college we have this idea of what our lives will look like when we are twenty something (I don't think we ever look to our thirties because that is just "not going to happen" in our minds). We idealize what we want to have happen in our lives. We want to have a career that we've worked towards. We want to get married and have a family, we want to have a house and decorate and take care of it. We want to go on trips and travel the world. We want to have a good time in everything that we do - most of us want some sort of adventure. Then... we get stuck. We think of all these things and somewhat work towards them, but do we REALLY try as hard as we can to obtain them? Do we really go on trips? Do we have the perfect little family WHEN we want? Do we pick the career that will excite us, or by the end of college do we pick the one that we started with or feel comfortable with? I think the key is to look at each day/week/month/year and think, "Am I doing what I love and dreamed of?" In my humble opinion, if you have accomplished half of what you dreamed, then you are doing pretty good. And if you have only accomplished half, then let God lead you to the rest - life's not over yet!

We also get stuck in "glass cage of emotions!" Meaning, we feel what we feel and its hard for us to shake. Over the years, I have learned that I am a competitive person. It is strange and it sounds terrible, but I don't always want things for the right reason. I want to be the first, the best and sometimes the only one that is going through something. For instance, in teaching, if I hear a student say that they LOVE another teacher that teaches the same thing as me, then I get competitive and try to make my classroom the best. With friendships we want to have a group of friends that are fun and have a good time, and when we don't have that, we try for better. We leave the group we were with and try to make new friends that show off that we are fun and have a good time. But the truth is, the competitiveness that I feel - its jealousy. Its coveting. Its changing who we are to fit something or someone else. When this happens, feelings get sacrificed. People get hurt. Most times it is not intentional, but it happens. So my advice - check to see if your image is that of Christ's and then love who he made you to be. If that means you are competitive, then use it to become the best person God designed you to be. Use it be the best at loving everyone. Use it to be the best at forgiving and forgetting so that you can enjoy every moment.

Finally, I think we get stuck as to what to do next. Do we move forward and let go? Do we take a nap instead of doing paperwork? Do we purchase that item or should we continue to save? Do we change what our life path is to be something radically different? The crazy thing is that there is not a single answer that fits. The key is prayer. If you pray about things and then feel like that is still the way to go - then go. If you pray about it and something is still not right, then wait. If you know that you are a lazy procrastinator, then do paperwork despite the desire to avoid it. Be in prayer so that you feel like you know what your life is and where it is going, and what you are doing is in check. With that, what could go wrong?

The intent of this blog originally started out as a frustration with another person in how they act. But through writing this, I am realizing that what I have - in Christ - my life, my family, my husband, my job, my emotions, my happiness, are what I have. Not what this other person has. I know that my life in Christ is going down the right path. That is all I need. I am not stuck. I am free in the Spirit and where it leads me. So get unstuck today! I don't think anyone reads this, but just try it! Get unstuck in something you feel is holding you back.

There is my fifteen cents worth (it was a little more than just two!)... Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-27T17:32:00.003-06:00

It has been SO long, but I wanted to wish everyone a VERY Merry Christmas!

Living on the Edge!

2009-08-21T08:11:00.002-05:00

Oh Steven Tyler... I sometimes wonder why artists write the things they do. What made Aerosmith write a song about there being something wrong with the world today, and therefore we are living on the edge. This is what my song about "living on the edge" would be about:

School is about to start. I have to return next Monday. My summer is staring me right in the face - what did you accomplish? Well, thanks to my mom, I can say that I got some craft projects done!! I also did some work for school (granted it was within the last three days). My edge is that there is three days of summer left, and what will I do with the time? Will I be ready for school and students? Will I be the most tired I've been in a long time? (In the best Steven Tyler scream I can muster...) Living on the edge!

Tomorrow is our triathlon. My first triathlon ever, and I'm feeling nerves that I thought would at least hold out until tonight when I won't be able to sleep. I think I'm just excited to see if all my hard work this summer will pay off and help me to finish in less than 2 hours. When I train for things like this, I try to set a goal so that I can have a focus and keep up the work. However, now that it is less than 24 hours away (hence the edge), I am afraid that I will fall short. Will I make it? Living on the edge!

We are going to have a house in a week, and I need to start packing. I am so excited to have our own place! God really has blessed us this year with our jobs and our situation. I almost feel like we don't deserve to have our own place! We are just two young kids trying to be adults... what is that? Packing also makes the reality sink in a little more - we are going to be homeowners and we better get moving, literally! Living on the edge!

Those three items put me on the edge - the edge of my comfort zone. What defines the edge? Why do I feel anxious about these wonderful things? God tells us, "Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6

This is what I will do - no more living on the edge!

Its one of those things...

2009-08-05T14:49:00.002-05:00

Summer always passes by too fast! Its one of those things. First you're excited to get all of those things done that you thought of in the spring. Craft projects, cleaning, exercising, etc. And then, all of a sudden its the middle of August and you're fretting about getting anything done with the time you have left!

I am so blessed to have summer vacation and I wouldn't trade it for anything. However, I have to admit that I like the structure of the school year because for some reason, I actually get things done. I wake up early to exercise. I plan time during the evenings and weekends to do get all the cleaning done. I set aside Saturdays to do craft projects. Oh well. I'm rested and ready to become anxious every night about school again.

On a side note, we are buying a house. Its one of those things too that people would like to do and feel like its the next step. Well, it is our next step in the line of life. God really opened the door to a house in Reedsburg and we are excited to fix it up! Key words are fix it up. It needs a lot of work, but we are excited to tackle it. I don't like to watch HGTV for nothing!

Impossible!

2009-06-17T14:42:00.002-05:00

Impossible! For a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage, Impossible! Cinderella was thinking the same thing as I am - why do things seem so impossible sometimes? Finding a job you love, getting a house, finding friends that are cool... I could go on. Sometimes it seems the only way to have something happen is to make that leap of fatih and try something. Its scary, but it then becomes... Possible.

School is out, time is plentiful and summer vacation is amazing. Hope you all make your impossibles, ...possibles!

Go ahead and ruin it!

2009-04-30T15:14:00.000-05:00

Students were working today, things were going smoothly, and what happens eighth hour? A student tries to rearrange an equation to make it more simple, but has a mistake. So i kindly say, "Good thought, however, it is not possible to rearrange it this way because..." and then I go on about why it is not possible. So I show them and then they say "WELL... in physics we did this and we learned how to do this, and we know all this, and blah... blah... blah..." So i say, "I understand that idea and in physics if you can simplify that way, great. However, you can't do it this way because..." and then I go into another reason about why you can't. They just look at each other with smug grins and wait until I am finished. The bell rings and they pack up and say as I'm walking away, "Okay, whatever, I wasn't even listening so I didn't get any of that."

Okay? Whatever? Yeah, you're right, your knowledge of math and the two years that you have actually studied it are more knowledgable than my degree and my abilities. Yeah, you're right that I'm wasting my time helping you when I could have been helping other students that actually want to listen and do care. Yeah, you're right you're getting a C- because you don't hand in the homework. Yeah, you're right your attitude is the worst I've seen in one human being. So go ahead, ruin my day with your smug grins and lazy attitude.

God has blessed me with the knowledge of math and the patience to persist in times of difficulty. So try to ruin my day - because you can't.

Faced!

2008-12-15T21:43:00.002-06:00

I got faced by the wind this morning! Literally! Unknowingly, I ran this morning in the chilly -1 degree weather. That wouldn't even have been so bad if there wasn't the wind! With wind chills it was -25 degrees. YIKES! Sometimes I'm not motivated to run, I wish that was the case today. However, I trekked it out and enjoyed the thrill!

In other news, school is going well, and I can't wait for Christmas break in a week! WOO HOO! I mean, I love those fun high schoolers, but I'm ready for a break! What would you do with a break? I'm curious, let me know...

Frightful!

2008-10-26T21:56:00.002-05:00

Halloween is frightful, but that's not what I'm talking about now...

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but our apartment is so delightful. And since we've not place to go.... let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!!!

Yes, it was snowing out today. It was pretty. It made me think of hot chocolate, christmas music, the smell of a warm pie in the oven. It was wonderful. Now don't get me wrong here. I love fall, and I don't want it to snow any time soon. But it was so beautiful out today... I just couldn't believe it!

So where ever you are... think of snow and hot chocolate, warm pie, and all your cares will just melt away ;)

Chopped!

2008-08-13T17:18:00.003-05:00

So I chopped my hair off today. So many women after they get married cut their hair nice and short. They are sick of it being long for their wedding day, so they cut it. I am not doing to for that reason. I need a change, a new start to the school year. What do I think of it? Well, I'm not typically a fan of short hair, but it feels pretty good.

Why does a haircut make you feel new? Who knows, but it does. You feel like people are looking at you from all directions... "Did she just-?" "What was she thinking!" "Who does she think she is to pull off a haircut like that?" Things like that running through my mind. I shouldn't worry about such things, but I do. It grows back, and soon enough mine will too. BUt for now, I am enjoying feeling like a new person! I feel ten pounds lighter and five months younger! Ha.

Tripped

2008-07-16T12:51:00.002-05:00

Sometimes my tongue gets tripped up. Sometimes I can get tripped up on a math problem. All manageable things. However, the other day while I was running, I tripped - I fell right in front of an old lady vacuuming her car. She didn't even look up to see if I was okay. I felt like a complete idiot!

I think we all need to trip every once and a while. It humbles us, brings us back to where we started from, and wakes us up all in the same moment! The day progressed into more thinking and really examining what the heck I was doing.

So even though my leg oozes, and I have a permanent band-aid mark, I'm glad I tripped... in a weird sort of way!

Whoop Whoop!

2008-05-30T13:22:00.001-05:00

I have ONE week left of school... WHOOP WHOOP!!!!!

So Cute!

2008-05-15T12:16:00.003-05:00

I know, we're adorable together. This is what we look like these days for those of you wondering out there!

Sitting

2008-05-13T10:27:00.002-05:00

When I was in swimming, we had a "bull-pen" where we would wait for our next race to begin. We would mentally prepare, focus on the task at hand, and check out the competition too. All I remember from this was the overwhelming nervous feeling that overcame me. I'd be sitting there with butterflies, birds, airplanes, jets, you name it... stewing inside.

Right now - I feel like I'm back in the bull-pen. Sitting. Waiting. Getting nervous. Wishing it was time so I can just do what I know best. The wedding is three and half weeks away. I can't wait!!! However, finishing school, finding a job, moving to a new town. Its overwhelming and I'm stuck in the bull-pen. Sitting.

Skinned Knees

2008-04-13T15:10:00.002-05:00

I miss the days of skinned knees and grass stains. You know why? You were most likely a kid when that happened. You were ten years old, playing in your back yard as happy as can be that a slug had washed up in the little water trail in your yard. Those days were easier. They were care free and fun. Some days I wish I was back in my back yard looking at slugs.

Getting Away

2008-02-28T20:25:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting in a hotel room, by myself, watching the snow fall over the Mississippi River. I am away. Simeon has a job interview tomorrow for John Deere in Moline, IL. I, like a good future wife, am supporting my future husband by calming his nerves and encouraging him during this stressful time. I know he will do great tomorrow - most likely get a job.

However, tonight I want to write about getting away. I love hotels. I come and sit and all the possible seats to decide where the best one is. I look at all the hotel offers: three year old instant coffee, a laundry bag, a notepad, stinky-gross shampoo and conditioner, and a lot more. Why are these things so amazing and luxury to my eyes? Well, they are not mine. They are out of my zone and world far enough for me to feel away. Sometimes in the midst of crazy life and on-the-go moves, you need to escape.

I like to look upon the neighboring buildings and think about where my life is away from where I'm at. Student teaching, planning a wedding, working at a job, trying to stay healthy, driving, and more driving. It is a wonderful life. I'm more than in love with Simeon, I love being at home with my family, I'm almost done with something I've invested 5 years of my life to. I'm about ready to start a new life with the love of my life, and only God knows where. What could be better?

Sometimes we need a different perspective to realize that to get to the good stuff, we've got to face the rain. That's another reason why I'm getting away.

I do!

2008-02-18T17:34:00.002-06:00

I DO want it to be June. I DO wish that I would be graduated and teaching. I DO wish that Simeon had a job that he absolutely loved. I DO wish that I lived closer to both my brother and sister. I DO wish Meredith lived here so I could see her again. I DO wish that it was warmer outside. I DO love snow days. I DO wish that I wasn't as pale as an egg white. I DO wish that working out wasn't so hard. I DO wish things like wedding cakes and honeymoons grew on trees so I wouldn't have to spend so much money. I DO wish that the political ads would leave everyone alone. I DO wish that people would go out to vote. I DO wish that I wouldn't get so nervous about things. I DO know that God has a plan for our lives. I DO believe that God made me the way I am. I DO know that God loves me. I DO love God. I DO love Simeon. I wish I could say the real I DO in June. But alas. It is about three and a half months away! What do YOU DO?

Bah Again

2008-01-24T14:52:00.000-06:00

I'm sick...again. I hope it goes away for student teaching next week!!

How is everyone out there??

Bah

2008-01-08T17:43:00.000-06:00

I'm sick.

Welcome Winter!

2007-12-13T15:33:00.000-06:00

Welcome back to Wisconsin winter!!

Tis the season for giving

2007-12-12T09:36:00.000-06:00

I would say I have a giving personality. I like to give to others, not to please myself, but truly help those around me. Lately though, some of the people I like to give to, take and take, and then criticize the gift. It is HARD! I try very diligently to continue to give with a smile and a positive attitude. How can I be more like the Lord? He has no qualms about giving everything to us when we criticize and do not deserve it. How can I have that same attitude? How much (not so positive) feedback can one person take? Perhaps I am to keep to myself and give gifts that don't have a repercussion or need to be done by the individual. There are many things I can learn...I just want to feel needed.

Well, I'm all over the place with this one... Merry Christmas and I really think it is the season for giving, no matter what!

Is it the Seasons?

2007-12-04T13:39:00.000-06:00

I'm inside, curled up underneath a blanket, sipping hot chocolate and reading my email. Today it is supposed to snow 4-6 inches. The wind is blowing and I can hear it hit the house. I love winter. I love that you can see your breath and that when you were little you would try and try to make a ring with it. I love that you can have a snowball fight and run around for hours just trying to stay warm. I even love the stupid ice that is on the road making it hard to drive, it makes me leave early and actually get somewhere on time.

I also love the summer. Sipping iced tea on our porch swing listening to the cicadas sing back and forth to each other. I love the clouds that come rolling in and cool things off in the evening. I love hot days where you sweat walking to get the mail, it just feels right that it is summer. I love just reading a good book on a chair outside basking in the sun trying to bring my freckles to life.

Spring is beautiful. Flowers in bloom. The smell of freshly cut grass. The fact that evenings get later and later. The energy you have to spend the day running or just being outside. I love the feeling I get the first day after classes are over. Relief.

Autumn may be my favorite. The colors and the weather are astonishing. One minute it will be 60 degrees and the next will be 40. Vests are acceptable and used :) Love is blossoming with people at school meeting each other for the first time, or the first time in a long time. Football games and caramel apples. Mmmmm...

When I think about all of this and why I love the seasons so much it is unclear. Do I love the seasons themselves, or do I love the carefree moments during the seasons? As I am looking to graduate in may, I'm starting to picture the rest of my days...working and stressing over work. Is this really what a year is all about? Waiting for time off and hoping to enjoy some of these timeless moments from seasons past? I'm not that terrified, but listening to friends and family talk about how Friday cannot come soon enough scares me a little. Will I enjoy my job? Will I get a job?

Seasons are wonderful. 'Weather' or not I will see them as i do now, I can only hope.

Prime!

2007-11-29T15:23:00.000-06:00

23 is a prime number. You know what that means? I'm in my primes! Oh if only I had a permanent drum set sound after all my jokes.

Seriously though, now that I'm twenty-three...It is going to be one of my prime years! Pun intended. Oh man, I'm such a math geek...

What woman in her primes DOESN'T look like this??

Blessings in Disguise

2007-11-20T13:43:00.000-06:00

When I was a freshman in high school I entered the publications class at my high school. Pub, for short, was the group of students who put together the newspaper and yearbook. Brandon and Katy were in it, so I of course had to be in it. Rumors spread of how hard and mean Mrs. Jonas was. And...when I started I was sure I knew where those rumors had stemmed from.

As the year progressed I began to like Mrs. Jonas. What about this rough and tough woman was appealing no appalling? It hit me years later - She is a GOOD teacher. Not just a good teacher, but she was REALLY GOOD. When it came time to decided whether we went to the newspaper or the yearbook, I wanted desperately to be on the newspaper staff! Please oh please let me work with Brandon and the other smarties on the newspaper! As fate would have it, and Mrs. Jonas would have it, I was put on the yearbook staff!!

What a blessing in disguise. Mrs. Jonas knew me and what area I would best excel in. As a junior I was editor-in-chief, and as well as my senior year. I worked well with the people on my staff and had a lot of fun. Did I know it was going to be the right fit? Nah, but Mrs. Jonas did!

What made me think of it all these years later? I ran into Mrs. Jonas today. She asked me how Katy and Brandon were, asked what was new with my life. She was genuinely happy for me. It made me smile from ear to ear! That is what a good teacher is. That is what I want to be...

Excited!!

2007-11-16T08:55:00.000-06:00

I got some decorations for my wedding this last weekend! I'm wicked excited. Yes, Meredith, you will have to hear about them!! You'll love it! Well, I hope you will!

In related news...I solved the Rubik's Cube. SEVERAL times might I add! Stupid cube... it has taken over my thoughts and time for the last two months!!! I'm writing this paper on the mathematics behind the cube and it isn't terribly difficult, but it is about 13 pages and counting of Rubik's Cube information. Yikes! Well with me luck because it is due on Tuesday and I've worked all semester on it!

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, that's all I can say!

Help!

2007-11-08T11:20:00.000-06:00

Help! I need somebody. Help! Not just anybody. Help! You know I need someone....Help!

School is stressful! Its just not cool right now :)

Anyone agree??

Absurd!

2007-10-21T15:07:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I feel like school is absurd. I work hard at the work I do to get grade that reflect my dedication. Does it happen? No. So why do i do it? Well, i tend to blame others for the misfortune that i am dealing with - math. Those engineers have hundreds of other engineering students to run ideas off of - can't be that hard! The art students...all they do is draw all day! History majors - sheesh! Why, they don't even study and they ace exams!

I chose math. I LIKE(d) math. This is my choice and i will have to live with the consequences. Am I absurd? Yes. Am I okay with that? Ask me in two weeks :)

Goodbye

2007-10-07T21:43:00.000-05:00

I will miss you.

Fifty Nifty...

2007-09-23T19:30:00.000-05:00

Yes, there are fifty nifty united states, but now there are fifty nifty candles on the cake for one special lady!! Dad, Simeon and I helped celebrate!

Constant Camera

2007-09-20T13:35:00.000-05:00

I was thinking today about how in my middle level education classes we talk about how middle schoolers always feel like they have a constant camera on them. Wouldn't it be awesome if they made you're life into a movie? I mean, you could be in movie all the time! Have you ever thought about having your life be a movie? I have.

My life isn't all that interesting, but i wonder what it would look like in movie form. When I'm walking to class i would have a jack johnson song playing, and when i'm with Simeon, there would be a al green song playing.

Or what would a movie that filmed feet all day long be like? Do you think it would be interesting?

Random thoughts for no one...

Young Grasshoppa

2007-09-16T19:58:00.000-05:00

I'm in my last year of college and there is so much to learn. In looking towards my future I see many things i don't feel prepared for. In nearly nine months i will be a wife. I don't know how to be a wife - i mean i have ideas from my mom and aunts, but nothing like the real deal! Will i be able to attend to Simeon's needs? Will i be able to keep a house? Will i be able to give up parts of my single lifestyle?

I'm going to be a math teacher. yeah, that was the goal years ago when i started school, but now its a reality. Will students understand me? Will i understand students? Will i be able to reach the unreachable? or the reachable? Will i be a good co-worker? Will i know my stuff?

Those are the thoughts on my mind as of late...they'll get answered eventually. Until then, i'll sit and wonder how God will work it all out.

Hard at work

2007-08-31T15:09:00.000-05:00

I'm at work right now. As you can read...its a busy day here at badger brothers cafe!

Good Moods

2007-08-16T11:51:00.000-05:00

I was in a good mood yesterday! You know those days when you're funny and happy and want to share it with everyone? Well, yesterday was one of those days. Even though i feel like this:

I'm still having a good day!! Perhaps its because i talked to my good friend Meredith...she's a cool kinda lady! Not to mention i'm getting married in less than 10 months, how cool is that??

Its True!

2007-08-09T11:41:00.000-05:00

I'm engaged!

I get to spend the rest of my life with the man i love! How awesome is that??

I'm the happiest lady in the world!

pennies for thoughts and ponds

2007-07-17T11:20:00.001-05:00

Perhaps i'm wasteful.

I love to know what people are thinking. To uncover the real happenings beneath the lives of those close to me. What was she thinking?! Will he ever grow up?! If anyone decided to disect me from head to toe to uncover what i was feeling about things, i'd be mad! Unfortunatly i try to do it with those close to me. If i did give my pennies to others for their thoughts, i'd be poor. And its about time for me to be rich in someone who knows my thoughts and everyone elses, but loves everyone the same.

Also, i'm finding myself wishing time away. Throwing my pennies in the pond to get somewhere fast. Where do i need to get though? Life is wonderful and i don't want to wish any day away even if it means that i won't necessarily be with Simeon or any others that i love. i need to start saving my pennies and counting on life being amazing with no wishes necessary. Time will come and go sooner than later and i want to enjoy my moments.

There you go, no pennies for my thoughts, its free today...

Summer Vacation!!!!!

2007-06-14T09:56:00.001-05:00

Summer Vacation = Work, School, Work and Simeon when i can get him!

This is what it looks like:

This Face

2007-04-19T17:25:00.000-05:00

This face is the only thing that gets me through long semesters like this!

Drowning...

2006-12-14T17:16:00.000-06:00

So if you've ever thought of life as a big swimming pool, raise your hand.

(raising my hand).

If you've ever felt like you're drowning in this big pool of life, raise your hand.

(raising my hand).

I dislike finals time in ever sense of the word "dislike".

Things that Make Me Nervous (Part II)

2006-12-02T13:10:00.000-06:00

So I saw a woman running like the wind into a building the other day. Then about 5 minutes later I saw two men running into a building as fast as they can.

Why are they running? Should I be running too? Should I be running the opposite direction?

It made me nervous...

Things That Make Me Nervous (Part I)

2006-11-20T14:32:00.000-06:00

Wouldn't it be weird if you walked up to a girl you thought was named Lacey and thought you went to high school with her and then say, "Hey Lacey, how have you been?" Only to get the reply, "My name isn't Lacey, its Mitch!"

I just think that would be so weird, and i'm pretty sure it almost happened to me.

Ha

2006-11-03T14:43:00.000-06:00

So funny thing happened today at the ol' UW-Plzzatteville. Power went out. Perhaps power outages = 20 years olds reverting back to a life of adolescence. "FOOD FIGHT!" "Maybe I get outta class!" Were among my favorites of things yelled...but do you know the favoritist? I bet you can guess...what would happen when any lights went out as a 13-yr-old? You guessed it:

"OoooOOOoOOOooo"

As if someone would start making out on the spot due to the lack of luminescence. Pfff.

Avoiding...

2006-10-31T10:32:00.000-06:00

I'm supposed to take a test tonight, and I'm avoiding studying. Is that bad? But in my defense, advanced Calculus is the worst class every thought up. Who wants to be the smartest person in the world anyway?

Hurumph.

Crisp!

2006-10-06T11:36:00.000-05:00

So i've decided that i think it should be fall all year round. Its wonderful! It is by far the prettiest season of the four and it has the crisp feeling :)

Fall is all about the change. It is no longer warm and sunny all the time. If its sunny, there's usually a storm on the way. If its warm, there's always a cool breeze. But its okay. Changes are okay, and i think they should be a regular part of life. Fall seems like a time of reflect and look at what life has been like for the last 3-4 months. What in life has changed? what have changed within ourselves?

We're studying James in small group, and i think the majority of what he calls us to do is evaluate our life and motives in order to realign with God's. That's why it should be fall all year long. Continually looking to what is changing and seeing what can be realigned with God.

Huh....

An Oldie but a Goodie

2006-09-08T19:23:00.000-05:00

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little old… I’m not old. I’m a ripe age of twenty-one, but in the context of school and all that comes with it, I’m old. This is the start of my fourth year of college. Wow. It seems crazy to say, but it’s the truth!

When I was a freshman, I made the analogy of being thrown into a big pool and being told to just breathe and stay afloat. Well, I’ve passed the pool stage, and in a year, I’ll be thrown into the ocean… A much bigger and harder place to “just breathe.” It’s deeper, less protected, and much, much harder to stay afloat.

Granted, that’s in a few years, but something that is happening to me now, is the feeling of being disconnected. The new freshmen have come to school, they are everywhere, but I increasingly feel like I’m disconnected from the entire campus. I’m off it more, I’m in classes with only five people, I have a love of my life who I want to spend all my spare time with, and I’m old.

I was talking to one of my friends dad and he said that even though we’re moving on and leaving all the freedom and joys that we had before, we encounter new challenges and fun times – having home projects, creating a budget, buying substantial items because we have a salary, etc. I don’t know if those are joys, but they are something to look forward to!

Its just weird to be facing that point in my life – when I was twelve that was the thing I wanted to most was to be dating a man who I love, about to get a job, and be on my own. Now that its here, I can’t seem to run away from a job and being on my own fast enough! The boy part is great, don’t get me wrong, but the rest can stay away.

At least I’m not as old as my brother ☺

Umbrellas, Who Knew?

2006-08-17T10:25:00.000-05:00

It’s raining today. Rainy days and me have a love-hate relationship. I love them because it means a good solid day to stay inside and read and watch movies without feeling bad because you’re sitting inside. I hate them because it means no work and no money during the summer, not to mention they are kind of gloomy.

Recently, however, I have found a new appreciation for rainy days. Umbrellas. Are we talking about those crazy things with wire and cloth? That’s it! I really like umbrellas! Today, I came across a revelation though – why do I like them so much? It is because, they have a symbolic meaning. Let’s think about this, shall we?

Rain is usually no fun. Its wet, it makes you cold, and its constant. Nobody wants to be in the rain. Sin is no fun. Its bad for you, its appalling to God, and its constant as well. Nobody wants to be living in sin. Can you see the similarity? So…let’s say sin is the rain…

The Umbrella protects us from the rain. Its sole purpose is to keep us out of the rain. God is there to keep us away from sin. He protects us from evil desires and from getting hurt. In Psalms it says, “For he has delivered me from all my troubles and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.” Then to ensure full protection from a life of condemnation, he sent his son. Umbrellas don’t have sons, but there are such things as ponchos and rain boots.

Granted God can’t stop us from sinning, and we will even in his grace, but he wants us to learn too. He teaches us through specific instances and gives us lessons to learn from. Umbrellas can’t fully protect you from the rain. They are there as a covering. But who’s to say if you don’t have those rain boots, your feet won’t get wet? We learn. The next time we bring rain boots. Then who’s to say our arms won’t get wet with the wind and rain? We learn. The next time we bring our poncho. God wants us to see the world, but not be living for the world; so we can hear the rain, feel the cool air of rain and see the rain, but the Umbrella is there to keep us dry and warm.

Some people do like to play in the rain, but what does that usually end up in? Pneumonia and typhoid fever (it does, trust me). So even if we play in sin and dabble in it, it is not good for us and usually results in something much worse, such as sickness.

So as you can see, Umbrellas are amazing! I love being protected, yet being able to see and feel and be aware of what can come at me. Next time you see its raining, make sure to take your umbrella with you.

Circa 1987?

2006-08-04T09:10:00.000-05:00

It wasn’t just yesterday that “Walk Like an Egyptian” was playing on the radio. It wasn’t just yesterday that scrunccies and leg warmers were in high fashion. So why have I been seeing them lately? Have things from the eighties become popular again? And if so, WHY?

I will stand firm in the statement that only two or three things that actually came from the eighties was worth while: Yours truly and your’s only (Simeon). Granted DIVO and electric synthesizers are pretty stellar, but think about the other things: big hair, sad and cheesy ballads, shoulder pads, side pony-tails, etc!

Granted, I am not a fashion expert. I will be the first to admit that I wear more layers than most people can ever fathom, which is unfortunate for some. However, I don’t think that hair was meant to poofy and I don’t think pony-tail were meant to be worn to the side. I don’t think neon colors are safe for the eyes and I don’t think any guy should ever wear a cut-off shirt or tank top. These are just things that I can’t justify as cool and I don’t think ever will be!

But what makes something fashionable and other things not? Like why were the eighties so awful? Well, I think the use of everything synthetic kind of hurt that one, but I don’t have the answer to that. I think the only thing needed to remember was that, these things weren’t just yesterday, they were clearly TWENTY years ago…its time to move on ☺

Pulling an Abraham

2006-08-03T16:04:00.000-05:00

I was thinking the other day, you know how when you do something stupid or out of the norm, you say, “pulling a Brandon” [or insert name here] to be like someone who has done something in the past. Well, I was thinking that I’d want to “pull and Abraham.”

In Genesis we read about Abraham and his coming faith. He is chosen by God to undergo trials and tribulations, but also to learn who God is upfront and personal. God tests him by not giving him children until he’s like 90 years old. Then he God goes ahead and asks him to sacrifice this child that he’s waited so many years for by going up to a mountain and killing him. What does Abraham do? Grabs a knife and gets going.

Um, cello? Who in their right mind would do this? This is something that he’s waited a lifetime for, just because God promised him nations and blessings for doing his will, would you kill your own son? Well, we have to realize back then, Christianity is new, this idea of a “religion” and a God who is just and at the same time loving is kind of a new thing. Not to mention, we didn’t have a Jesus back then to make it real to us, we hadn’t seen God in man yet. So its even more of a big deal that Abe was like, well, gotta do what I gotta do.

So what I’m saying is that, I would love to have that sort of giving and sacrifice in my life. Granted, I don’t have a child and I’m not a ninety year old man, but I want to give to God those most important things, even if means I’m letting go of everything that I’m comfortable with. I was talking with someone the other day and they had an idea of what they wanted in life, where they wanted to live, a time frame of when they’d like to be married and have kids. But here’s the thing, they weren’t willing to give that up! They weren’t willing to make sacrifices in their life in order to show their faith to God.

And that’s just it, when we do actually make these sacrifices, we are demonstrating our faith in the Lord that he will provide and that he loves us. When Abraham did this, it was credited to him as righteousness. God is the only one and thing that can give us righteousness, and to have it credited to Abe, means God’s saying, I know Abraham is faithful and that he loves me, so I’m going to make him the father of nations and bless him abundantly.

Can you imagine if we do these little things of giving up our schedules or the things that hinder us, the fun that isn’t good for us, the things that we like to do, but know that it hurts other people – what if we gave that up? Adding up all those little things, is our way of showing our faithfulness to God and how he can see, God, we’re with you! By giving up these things, it hardly hurts us, instead, we gain from it! How amazing is that?

So I think we should all try to “pull and Abraham,” and give up something that we aren’t willing to yet.

Screwdrivers and Orange

2006-07-26T14:32:00.000-05:00

So I was thinking today, when did we grow up? When did we take the turn from being a young kid who hardly knew what anything meant and didn't mind, to knowing everything there is to know about things that you thought you wanted to know? I'm not saying I know everything there is to know about everything, but i know things now that when I was 12, I was oblivious to.

If I asked an adult, how do you make a screwdriver? Most would reply, "You take vodka and orange juice and mix them up." If I asked anyone under the age of, oh let's say 15, how do you make a screwdriver, they would reply, "I dunno, maybe with some kind of metal and a plastic handle?" I’d be in the latter category of thinking of a tool, not a drink. Does that make me too naïve? I don’t think so, but maybe some others think of me that way. Maybe I haven’t escalated past the kid stage….maybe I haven’t even grown up!

I was at the pool the other day when this little boy was talking about going to the races. He asked, “when do you think you’d have to go to the races? I think they start in the morning and go through when its orange and then into the night too.” When it’s orange? I think that means at sunset or dusk too. But isn’t that great? He didn’t even know what that time was called – but he knew enough to make him happy and content.

So my question is: Which is better? Being in the Quiet or in the Loud? Maybe that’s just the key – know enough to make you content, but not too content that you don’t want to learn more. Kids are always learning, they’re growth curve of knowledge is astounding! Adults know a lot, and they’re growth curve isn’t too steep – it actually kind of levels off.

I guess when it all comes down to it, you’re supposed to have a childlike faith about things, and I think I might take it a little further, but I’m happy, and I’m glad that even the little things still make me happy by just discovering and not knowing – if it makes me naïve, then I guess that’s where I’ll be…sitting in the orange playing with metal and plastic ☺

2006-07-19T11:01:00.000-05:00

Mom and Dad...they look so happy together :)

This is Simeon...and me of course!

This is Brandon and Lindsey...they are tall, but cute together!

Me and Simeon again, at one of our many weddings we went to this summer!

This is katy and chad...they're having a baby! If you cross your eyes, you can maybe see what Ella will look like...she's going to be a BABE!

Summer Vacation!

2006-05-30T09:49:00.000-05:00

So hey there Ladies and Gents! Its summer vacation, and do you know what that means?? Long days at the pool, short days at the coffee shop, shorter mornings in class, fun nights with my Jaime, and long amazing weekends with Simeon and family :) What could be better you ask?? Well, if Meredith was here, that would be pretty cool, and if Simeon was here for good that would be AMAZING, but other than that...i'm sitting pretty! Feel free to stop by and visit. Oh, and i think that you should all send me your addresses so i can send you some snail mail! Hooray for snail mail :) Anyway, enjoy your summer vacation!!

Gangsta's Paradise = P-Vegas

2006-04-21T11:39:00.000-05:00

Yes, you heard it right folks...Coolio is in da house!!!! Coming to a nearest bar to you...also known as Rooster's in Platteville. Here, let's say it together kids: LAME! Hooray!

i think platteville is trying to be something its not. As most people do, but a town, really? I mean first its a Christmas parade, then a super Walmart, then Coolio? When is this town going to learn its small and Coolio isn't cool-io?

I think a lot of people do that too. try to be something they are not to get aattentio and feel better about themselves. Or they try to make their siutation seem ten times better than someone elses because they are jealous of what they don't have. When maybe they aren't supposed to have that in the first place?

All i can say is...i will be LEAVING platteville the day Coolio comes to town...and i'm OKAY with that.

I'm a gonna be a utard!

2006-03-14T08:25:00.000-06:00

Hey Ya'll! So i'm off to Utah in a day and i'm more excited than you know! i get to hang with my best friends and do all sorts of stuff that i've never done before! I get to ride on a plane for the second time in my life! Its going to be quite amazing :) Now, i know most people's concerns are this:

-You're entering the land of the holy people (mormon area)
-You're going to miss work for a week
-You're going to break your back snowboarding
-You're going to make us jealous

All very valid concerns, but i'll reassure you - I'm strong in my faith in God and my walk as a Christian that it should be fun to experience what makes utah so holy without a faith based on the bible alone. As for work, i'm working more hours in two days than most people this week, so that's cool, and helpful. If i break my back snowboarding, then at least i can say that i did it, and i expereinced it! As for all your jealous folks...ha, darn right! Suckers!

Wish me luck and bon voyage!

Escaping the unescapable!

2006-03-08T19:27:00.000-06:00

I need to get out. Get out of Platteville. Away from everyone that I know here. I'm surrounded by everyone and everything, but all i want to do is be as far away from here as i possibly can. Some of you are away and long to be back, but i'm opposite. Get me out of here and fast!

Its a Girl!!

2006-02-16T10:48:00.000-06:00

This just in...i'm going to be an aunt to a beautiful baby girl! How do i know she will be beautiful? She is a creation of God, Katy and Chad...what could be any more beautiful?! Anyway, i'm way excited and can't wait to see them all again!!

Single's Awareness Day

2006-02-10T19:45:00.000-06:00

I was talking with my friend Collette tonight about how Valentine's Day just isn't a happy day. Yes, its all about the love and the companionship. But i have some qualms about the day. Its not a particularly good day for anyone, in a relationship or not.

Obviously if you are not in a relationship it is a whole day devoted to pointed out the fact that you don't have that special someone in your life. That you are in fact, not dating. i'm not so sure this is a problem for most people, but i'd like to meet someone who is single who hasn't thought about the fact that its a day devoted to love.

If you are in a relationship, its not a particularly great holiday for you either. In some cases, you are apart from your loved one(*ahem*). Then you can't even celebrate the wonderful day together. In other cases, it is way too expensive to do anything on that day because businesses and consumers have jacked up the prices and the amount willing to be paid. So for college students, its just becomes too much. For people who actually do something, its become more about the day than about the reasons behind it. Why do you spend so much for one night of love showing? Show it all the time!

i do appreciate the day and the idea behind it, but i wish that we would think about love all year round. How God loves us, how we love our friends, how we love our family. These things are all the time. So this Valentine's Day, i'd invite you to just remind those you love that you do, and thank God for his love - the greatest love in the world. Then do it the next day, and the next day after that...

Yeah...its true

2006-01-26T13:52:00.000-06:00

Here's my life story!

http://www.nataliedee.com/011606/nerds.jpg

Men and their thoughts...pfff!

2006-01-24T12:20:00.000-06:00

I’ve read my share of dating advice columns and books, and the two things that stand out the most are the fact that men don’t want an available girl and they don’t want the relationship defined. These two things confuse the heck out of me. Let’s maybe dig into these and see what is going on…

First of all, Men don’t want a girl who is available. Let’s think about this for a second…if they aren’t available, how are they ever going to get the girl? Do they want a girl that already has a guy? If that’s the case I’m pretty sure it says in the man handbook that that is against all rules of man. So that’s not right. So maybe it means that they don’t want a girl that calls or can always do something? And well see, that doesn’t make sense either because if they really wanted the girl, then wouldn’t they want to see her and spend time with her? So maybe it means they don’t want a girl who needs them or wants to be with them. No, no, that doesn’t work either because what’s the point of wanted something that doesn’t want you back? Nope, still confusing…

Second, what do they mean they don’t want to define the relationship? Do they just want to be friends with benefits because that is not a good situation because then you can get caught up in physical things that lead to heartache and the Clapp. Do they just want to let the girl hang there while they figure stuff out? That’s way unfair to the girl because she deserves someone that wants her and needs her back. Do they want a relationship with no expectations or boundaries? Because that doesn’t work either because then its not really a real relationship.

I guess maybe what they mean by these things is that they don’t want a whining and needy girl and they don’t want to be reminded all the time about what their relationship is because it ruins the fun of the relationship and you spend more of your time talking about what your deal is rather than just being with each other. And it is about the chase and what you can “get.”

Well, if this is the case, guys, let me fill you in on something. Women don’t do these things. And if they do, maybe they aren’t the woman for you. We don’t want a needy and whiny guy. We don’t want to constantly be talking about what relationships really mean. Perhaps with our girlfriends, but not to you. So whoever is writing these self-help dating books and articles, I’ll let you in on a little secret – free of charge! When you find someone that is interested in you and you’re interested back. Take if for what its worth and have fun seeing why God has placed this person in your life. If it comes to the point of talking about what you are – talk about it and get it ALL out in the open. Then when you have questions later, they might have been answered already, or, you’ll already feel free to talk about it. As for the chase…it is nice to have a chase, but only when you know where they other’s heart is at. Granted I’m not relationship expert, but that’s just a little tip from me to you!

Pirate who doesn't do anything!

2006-01-18T09:20:00.000-06:00

I am currently the pirate who doesn't do anything. I am a procrastinator to the core and need help! Seriously, do you think procrastination is a disease? How do we learn the procrastination is okay? We've always been told in school that if you procrastinate, you will never get anywhere in life. Well, i'm here, and i've procrastinated my way to the top.

I was thinking too, i could never be homeschooled! Oh man, could you imagine...further your education on your own...and not really given any constraints as to how to do it. Yeah, maybe that's why people who are homeschooled at some point in their life are so laid back. They have no worries in the world because they never had to worry about dealines or anything like that. Do you think most of the homeschoolers are procrastinators?

Maybe because they have no time limits...they don't procrastinate because it really is their future in THEIR hands. So much to think about, and yet, i don't care...i'll think about it later.

Love Connection

2006-01-10T15:42:00.000-06:00

Peanut butter and jelly. Eggs and bacon. April showers and May flowers. Eric Clapton and his guitar. Brandon and Minnesota. All things that go together, yet were apart at some point.

Lately I’ve been wondering why certain things are brought together in this world – why God places things together. I guess it just makes me wonder. What if God decided to place peanut butter and beef stew together? I’m pretty sure people would be sick if this was a popular pair. Or what if He decided to place Brandon and Iowa together? Then we’d all have far less respect for him now than we ever had. But that’s just it, he didn’t place these things together. He has created these pairs for a specific purpose.

Although I’d love to know why these things are together, I don’t think it is our job to understand God’s thinking. I do however, think it is our job to notice God’s work in our lives – to not question it, but respect and obey His will in our lives.

I thank God that he didn’t put beef and peanut butter together. I thank him that he didn’t place Brandon in Iowa (who wants a relative from Iowa anyway?). I thank Him that he put my friends in my life. But mostly, I just thank Him for this life, for His love, for his will in my life.

Auld Lang...

2005-12-29T17:29:00.000-06:00

The name January comes from the Roman god of beginnings, of past and future, Janus; he is depicted as having two faces looking in opposite directions. I love this visual. How we look back at our year in review and try to remember all the things that we have had happen, that we’ve seen, that we’ve learned, and in this time try to draw a life lesson from it.

However, as I try to revisit the grand old year of 2005, I can’t help but think that I’m all the wiser to what not to do, and only informed of what is happening now. Each year I grow smarter and more mature (or I’d like to think so). Each year big things happen and I learn from them. So as we look back at this year, let’s think about Janus and what we’ve seen.

Being the Roman god of past and future, beginnings, bridges, doorways, and of peace, it’s appropriate to look at the things that reflect these. So let’s begin. In no particular order, something that was a bridge in my life would be my transfer to UW-Platteville. It was something that involved my past and my future (hence the bridge). As I look at the bridge, I’m glad by the fact that I’m over it and onto my new situation. Not that the old was terrible (quite the opposite), but excited with what I’ve seen so far on the other side.

My doorway could be described as my role in Intervarsity. Becoming a small group leader was a huge open doorway for my spiritual walk, and I cannot imagine any other way that I would have grown this year. It was an absolute blessing. The thing that is my past is Winona. I loved Winona, and I wouldn’t trade my experience for the world (heck I met my best friend there). But I am glad that it is my past and that I’m happy where I am now.

I’ve saved the best for last. My beginning is the most exciting thing to me. When things are just beginning I find it easy to get caught up in all the hustle and bustle, but I have a good feeling about this beginning. My most memorable beginning actually just happened, and I am excited that as the new year begins, my new life at Platteville begins, and my new perspective on things begins, my new relationship begins as well. Simeon is amazing, and I cannot wait to spend more time with him and create more memories.

So as you look backwards and forwards this year, don’t forget to look sideways and up and down, for sometimes the best time of the year is when you get the best of the new one and the old one, so you can see the new beginnings. What are some of your favorite memories of 2005?

Before Technicolor...

2005-12-23T10:15:00.000-06:00

Should things be in plain black and white, or is it okay to have a grey area? I've been thinking recently, that sometimes there are things that should seem black and white, but when you actually experince them, its all shades of grey.

You know you like someone, that's pretty clear; you know you want to date them, that's pretty clear too. But when things actually start to happen, it gets fuzzy. You now are dating - how do you act? How do you introduce each other? How do you spend time together, yet spend time apart? Will you have to meet the parents? When they are gone, do you go to visit? How serious do you want this to be?

If there were no grey area, i guess there would be many ups and downs, and never just times where you are there, living life. so maybe we need the grey area in life to lead up to the blacks and whites. There are still some aspects of life that are black and white. I mean, life or death, and i choose life. You like the person, that's pretty clear, what more could you want?

I DO want the grey though, i want to experience things and learn along the way. That's the excitement of relationships.

Wish me luck tonight :)

The only kid...

2005-12-15T15:30:00.000-06:00

Do you remember when you were younger and there was always a kid on the playground that forgot their shoes because it had snowed, and they wore their boots? If you were ever this kid, you know how it feels. You feel retarded and socially you turn into a leper because you are wearing your pink moon boots. I was this kid more than once. But...is it so bad to be this kid? Should we want to be the outcast or the in crowd?

I've been thinking lately that maybe its not so bad being alone. Maybe Paul was right in his activism towards solidarity. Did God really create us to be put together? Although i think we need the company and fellowship sometimes, i'm not sure that we need the "other half."

I've been struggling lately with where i am in my relationships. Friends are amazing, but what are they good for? Or maybe its just that a certain type of friendship is all we need. Let's say we were that kid from the playground. We are forced to the outside corners of the social pecking order and we never even get a bite. What would be so bad about that? You get more of the imagination rights (no other kids messing up your story line), you get instant access to the swings because you, unlike the others, already have your boots on, and you get to think for yourself and see the world in a completely different light.

I'm not saying that i don't appreciate my friends...if i didn't have meredith in my life, i'd be messed up. She is my best friend in the entire world. I got lucky finding her when i did. But i'm not near her now. Who should i be friends with? Guys are NOT good friends - they only lead to confusing and heart ache. The girls thus far at p-vegas can't form an emotion for the life of them, and my family is my family...sometimes i just don't want to tell them everything (they are too involved already and won't be objective about the situation).

So i'm torn...in these next two years of my life, should i just be a nomad and travel around not connected to anyone? or should i find those few people that may make my time barable until i can be near Meredith again? And that's the other thing...what if i've already had my time with meredith and when i'm ready, she's already got friends.

Oh, how i wish life wouldn't be so dependant on answers....

Oh, and by the way...its snowing...again...time to slip and fall again.

Confused Confucius?

2005-12-13T18:52:00.000-06:00

When life gets cloudy, we immediately want it to be clear. When math starts to get challenging people decide it isn’t for them. When relationships start to become confusing, people want answers. Is life really that particular that we need answers right away? Are we the cause of all the confusion or is it really that complicated?

I am subject to wanting answers, and wanting them now. Who doesn’t want to know how life is going to end up? Myself, for one. Even though I want answers, why would you wish your life away and spoil the ending? Life is pretty straight-forward in some aspects. There is no surprise ending when dealing with life or death – to live is death, and to die is gain. So why in our lives do we try to muddy up the equation?

When two added to two is four, its simple. Then we want to try to add some spice to the equation and say that the square root of two squared plus two raised to the first power is…still four. Hmm, is that really that confusing? Let’s try it again; we need some more excitement. Let’s say that the sum of e to the natural log of two, plus six raised to the zero power times the cubed root of eight equals…four. Puzzling, right? The only thing that is puzzling is that in each of the situations, we try to make it mean more and be more complicated than it really is, but each time, it comes out to be four.

Now, I’m not saying that life isn’t a fuzzy shade of gray sometimes, but when it comes to the important things in life – life itself, love, truth, meaning – its as clear as day. So in relationships, when things are getting confusing there is no need to try to solve the problem. There are ways of dealing with it to make it less confusing. You could just ask the person what is going on. You could avoid the situation completely, or you could just keep going on, knowing that when it comes to being loved, or loving, you’re already taken care of, this is just an added bonus.

I haven’t quite solved this equation yet, but I think it could be a little bit of everything, and hopefully it still all adds up to four.

Loraine is gone?

2005-12-05T20:14:00.000-06:00

Sometimes things happen in life that are difficult to deal with. They create awkward moments and stress. However there are two benefits to these situations: 1) You learn from it and 2) You see things clearer than when you started. I think its really cool how God works in the relationships we build and work at.

It makes me wonder how God plans all these mishaps and blunders, yet plans the beauty and fun of other things. Maybe we have to go through the awkward times in order to experience the comfort. Maybe its like a pre-requisite in order to get into the good - you have to suffer! I guess i would almost hope this is the way it works.

If people didn't ever experience the horrible workings of relationships and the world, they might never learn and see what can happen. I think its better to know and appreciate what has happened in the past in order to appreciate what is given to us in our future. the things we have to weigh out in order to see that God has given and taken away are big things.

I was talking to a friend of mine recently and he said that we have to examine what we are with that other person. If we bear more fruit together or apart, and if the answer is apart, then its time to reconsider the relationship. This could be one of the hardest things, because of two reasons: It could be hard because you truly like the other person, and you don't want to give it up, or it could be hard because you're not sure about the other person, and the thought of being with them scares you, but you're so good together. That raises a question in my mind - if you aren't interested in that other person, should you try it and hope that God provides the attraction because you are so good together, or should you just stay as friends, but close as a couple?

And how do we, as humans that sin, know so early on that things aren't right? How do we know that when we say no, its for God's will, and not our own? Challenging questions, and i want feedback! I love to hear what others have to say, so let me know...

But until God shows me some of these answers, i guess i can see clearly now...loraine is gone :) (bad joke, i know)

mature, schmature

2005-11-29T11:06:00.000-06:00

Yeah, that's right, i'm a legal gambler now! Watch out! That's about all i see as a perk in this new age of twenty-one. that and i feel a whole lot older!

More to post later this week...its been busy!

Some People Have All the Luck

2005-11-07T17:33:00.000-06:00

Why is it, in a world of 6 billion people, do we as individuals, meet the people we do? Is it by luck? By chance? By mere coincidence? Or is it in a plan, somehow it will find its way of surfacing, and then we’ll know the Great Mystery. There are some things in life that we just have to accept, and not know why they happen.

Here’s my question. Why do some people luck out and have kids? Why do some people luck out and meet the person of their dreams? Why do some people get to have their dream job right after college?

Three ways of making this happen depends on the situation. The first way to make your luck change would be to go after it. The job situation is controllable. We can control our luck with jobs by pursuing them and making it happen. If each person had the deep desire and ambition they could get whatever job they want. I mean look at that kid name Barry, he went for math, but secretly wanted to be a Culver’s connoisseur for the rest of his life. Dreams can come true.

The other ways of making great switch of luck would be to wait. This love situation is the one of waiting (or so I’m told). I guess people who say this can be right. One of three things could happen when waiting for love. First, it could actually show up sometime within the decade. Second, you could eventually figure out that you really don’t need the love of another human being to survive. Third, you could just say its love after so many years because you’re so desperate for it. So go ahead wait…it will come.

The last way it could happen for you means spending lots of money. Its true, some people are physically incapable of having children. If I could give away my uterus to them, I would in an instant. But for some it’s not in the cards. There is a way to fix this. Money cures all. You could adopt or get fertilization hormones. The possibilities are endless!

So there you have it folks. Three blissful ways to getting what you want – tire yourself, wait until you die, and spend all the money you have. OR, you could just accept the cards you get and play the best euchre hand known to man. Its been done before.

Throwing in the Towel...

2005-10-31T21:21:00.000-06:00

When is enough, enough? In relationships, when is it time to say au reviore? I was talking with someone the other day about relationships and how to know when its time to let it die a slow and painful death. Sometimes, it’s just not the right one; but how do we know?

What are the tell tale signs that a relationship is not meant to be? Can we, as individuals know exactly when a relationship is over? Of course there are some circumstances where you know it’s time. Abuse is not a relationship and one should swiftly exit the situation as soon as possible. If your relationship has turned into the spaceship from Armaggedon and has lost all contact with its mother ship, its time to look at what you’re willing to let loose (this is referring to loss of communication if you didn’t follow).

I’m not specifically talking about these kinds of relationships, I’m talking about the ones that have either started and were doomed from the start, but we as humans want that love and affection so we stick it out, or the relationships where its good for a while then its bad for a longer while.

I have had my fair share of doomed relationships, and by fair share, I mean two. In each of these situations there were big red flags screaming, get out! This is the last helicopter out of Vietnam! But yet, I stuck them out, and eventually got hurt in the end. Could I have prevented this by taking that heed and going with it? Or was it in the plan to royally mess up but be royally picked back up?

I think when we know, we know. I mean, when we know its time to stick it out, or leave, we know. Its hard to get through the bad times if it is a relationship that we stay with, but that’s what makes it stronger. Perhaps that’s the beauty of it, we’ll just know when we do – life is one big Sherlock Holmes novel waiting to be solved.

But here’s my situation, I feel like its cold outside and I’m standing in a puddle. One foot is dry and on its way to a good thing, but the other foot has now seen the bad side, and is cold and wants to quit all together. Here’s the kicker, all I have to do is remove my foot from the cold dirty water and start back in the good direction I was on – I just have to wait for it to dry a little and I’ll be fine.

So I guess in times of relationships, we have to stick it out gnome matter what. I mean, how else will we find out if our foot dries? And as the great south says…Click, Click, we don’t Quit!!